The Lying Hours (How to Date a Douchebag #5)(73)

That’s it? That’s the entire thing? All he’s looking for is someone over the age of eighteen? Have some standards, dude, even if you’re just looking for a hook-up.

Still.

He is kind of attractive, in a skinny guy kind of way.

I bite down on my bottom lip and swipe, knowing I’ll probably regret it later. Shoot him a message because there is nothing worse than waiting for a guy to make the first move.

Me: What kind of fancy shit are you talking about here…? Inquiring minds want to know.

RexG: You know, the usual. Dinner, bars. Play a round of golf or two.

Me: In your sweat pants?

RexG: No, I wear real pants for that.

Me: Khakis?

RexG: No one wears Khakis anymore.

Me: Sure they do, I saw some yesterday.

RexG: Who was wearing them?

Me: My Lit professor.

RexG: I rest my case.

Me: So, I’m just going to come out and ask or it’s going to drive me insane.

RexG: Go for it.

Me: What are you doing on this app, it says you’re 24.

RexG: So? I just turned 24. That’s not ancient.

Me: Aren’t you a little old to be fishing in the school kiddie pond?

RexG: I barely just graduated. Why you gotta be like that?

Me: I had to get it off my chest.

RexG: I was checking out your chest earlier. Very impressive.

Me: Uh, gross. Stop, don’t even go there.

RexG: Uh, why?

Me: You can’t just say things like that. It’s douchey.

RexG: Funny you should mention that; I never said I was a gentleman.

Me: You look like one. Kind of?

Me: Actually you look like a huge dork.

RexG: How about you just kick me in the nuts and get it over with.

RexG: And FOR THE RECORD I’m not photogenic and am WAY BETTER LOOKING IN PERSON.

Me: Says who?

RexG: MY FUCKING MOTHER, Jesus lady.

Me: Shit, I’m sorry. I have no filter—I wasn’t trying to be a bitch.

RexG: Whatever, it’s fine.

Me: I suppose you’re going to unmatch me now?

RexG: Why would I do that?

Me: Because I’m being an asshole—WHY WOULDN’T YOU UNMATCH WITH ME?

RexG: Why are you yelling?

Me: Have some standards. All you have in your profile is that you’re looking for someone over the age of 18. WTH?

RexG: Age ain’t nothin’ but a numba.

Me: So…what are you actually doing here if you’re not a student? Are you a TA?

RexG: No, I’m helping out with the athletics. Mostly with the wrestling team, I used to be their manager.

Me: My roommate’s boyfriend is a wrestler. Maybe you know him?

RexG: What’s his name?

Me: Abe Davis.

RexG: He was a freshman I think the year I left the team; don’t know him that well. He decent?

Me: He’s awesome.

RexG: Cool.

Me: So you’re on campus for how long?

RexG: Rest of this semester, summer, first term of fall.

Me: And you’re looking to hook-up with someone?

RexG: Sure. If that’s what you want.

Me: It’s not.

RexG: Okay.

Me: That’s it? Okay? You’re not going to try and change my mind?

RexG: Do you want me to?

Me: Uh, NO.

RexG: LOL then I won’t.

Me: It’s really shitty that you’re just here looking to get laid. Some of us are looking for the real deal.

RexG: I never said all I wanted was an easy lay. You did.

Me: Well, COME ON. Let’s get real here. You won’t even be here the entire year.

RexG: Says you’re a junior. 22. You won’t be there long either.

Me: But I’m here NOW.

RexG: So am I.

Me: Is this an athlete thing? Are you all just douchebags who sleep around?

RexG: I don’t know, is that how Abe Davis acts?

Me: No.

RexG: Wanna throw some sweats on tomorrow and meet me for coffee?

Me: How early?

RexG: Whatever works for you.

Me: How tired do you want me to look?

RexG: How will you look at 9?

Me: Horrible.

RexG: LOL

Me: Why the hell are we even talking about this, I DON’T WANT TO MEET YOU.

RexG: That’s fine.

Me: Stop doing that.

RexG: What am I doing, I’m agreeing with you.

Me: I REFUSE to fall for your jedi-mind tricks.

RexG: Listen, I don’t know what I did or what I said, but you’re kind of scary.

Me: WHY DOES EVERY GUY KEEP SAYING THAT?

RexG: Because you yell a lot. Guys don’t like that.

RexG: And you keep putting words in my mouth, and making assumptions.

Me: Thanks, I got it.

RexG: And that part in your profile about “no shave November” and always being hangry? Also scary and confusing.

Me: I am who I am.

RexG: Hairy, hungry, and scary?

Me: Yes?

RexG: I don’t know what to tell you, Bianca.

Me: Um, about that...Bianca isn’t my name.

RexG: Okayyyyy… What is it then?

Me: Hannah

RexG: That’s pretty, why did you use a different name? Didn’t want any creepers messaging you?

Me: I just like the name. It sounds sexy.