The Lost Man(28)

‘Right.’ McKenna frowned. He looked like he might say something else, then changed his mind. He looked instead at Nathan.

‘What about you? Any change on the firearms front?’

‘No.’ Nathan met his eye. ‘All still the same as last time.’

‘All right,’ McKenna said. ‘How’s Ilse coping?’

Nathan felt a tiny prickle at her name. ‘She’s not too good.’

‘And your mum?’

‘Not too good either.’

‘No. Well. Tell them I’ll give them a call. And you blokes –’ McKenna hesitated. ‘How are you all going? Can be hard, this time of year. Lot of pressure from all sides. You all okay?’

Nathan knew what he was asking. Anyone else feel like walking out into the nothing?

‘We’re good, I think,’ he said when no-one else answered. ‘I mean, considering. Good as can be expected.’

‘And you know you can always call me, or Steve at the clinic. If you ever need to just have a yarn or whatever.’

They nodded dutifully.

‘Good.’ McKenna beckoned to Nathan. ‘Come with me. Got some info in the car I need to give you.’

Nathan followed him down the slope and at the police car, McKenna reached into the glove box. He drew out a fistful of cards. ‘Cases like these, I’m supposed to give youse these.’

Nathan took them. The cards had the phone numbers and websites for a suicide prevention helpline and a mental health charity.

McKenna was watching him, looking uncomfortable.

‘Something else?’ Nathan said.

‘Look, mate. That wasn’t meant to be a dig earlier. About no-one reporting the car. And I wanted to say, I know you generally give town a wide berth –’

‘Yeah. Haven’t got much choice, have I?’

‘Well, that’s not true. You do have a choice, mate. You could have come and stirred up trouble over the years but you chose not to, and I appreciate that.’

‘Glad someone does.’

‘And I know you say you’re used to it by now, but in light of all this, if you feel like it’s getting a bit much and you think you might . . .’ McKenna trailed off.

‘Top myself like Cam?’

‘Yeah, pretty much. Look, if you ever feel like things are getting bad, you know you can come into town whenever you need to.’

Nathan nodded. McKenna was an okay guy. What had happened wasn’t his fault – it was no-one’s fault but Nathan’s own – and McKenna had been as even-handed as he could be about the whole incident. It wasn’t easy being the only cop. He’d put in a good word for Nathan whenever he could, tried to build bridges. It wasn’t his fault it had made no difference.

‘Thanks, mate,’ Nathan said. ‘I’m fine on my own, though.’

‘I heard you had your radio switched off when the search call for Cameron went out.’

‘So?’

‘So I thought we’d talked about that.’

Nathan didn’t answer.

‘It’s not the first time, either.’

‘Didn’t know there was a law about keeping it on.’

‘Good as, around here. Don’t be a bloody smartarse,’ McKenna said. ‘Anyway, look, don’t be shy to shout out if you need to.’

‘Yep. Okay.’

There seemed to be nothing more to say, so Nathan waited as McKenna got into the police car and drove away. He watched until it was small, then walked back up the slope to the others.

‘What are those?’ Xander was looking at the cards in Nathan’s hand, and Nathan passed them out. Bub rolled his eyes.

Harry was looking out to the west, his expression its usual mask once more. ‘I want to go home along the tracks. Stop by the grave on the way.’

‘There’s nothing to see,’ Bub said.

‘Still.’ Harry slipped the helpline card into his pocket, Nathan noticed.

They all looked at Cameron’s car.

‘Who wants to drive it back?’ Bub asked, and there was a silence.

‘We’ll do it,’ Nathan said with a glance at Xander, who nodded.

‘All right.’ Harry turned to head down the slope to his car. ‘Stick close. Just in case Cam did have some sort of engine trouble.’

‘No worries.’ It was clear none of them really believed that.

As Bub followed Harry down the slope, Nathan untied the police tape from Cameron’s door handles and climbed in. The driver’s seat was worn smooth, and he reached down and raked it back and forth until it was the right distance from the pedals. Its contours felt unfamiliar, having been broken in by his brother’s lighter frame. Nathan adjusted the rear-view mirror and saw his own eyes reflected back at him. They looked enough like Cam’s to make him look away.

‘Harry knew where to turn.’ Xander’s voice was quiet from the passenger seat.

‘What?’

‘He knew.’ He nodded at Harry’s car. ‘On the way here. He knew which track led through the rocks to Cam’s car.’

‘Because Bub told him. I heard him.’

‘No. Bub said it after Harry had already started the turn.’

‘No.’ Nathan tried to picture it. ‘It was before.’ Wasn’t it? He’d been lost in his own thoughts at the time, not paying attention. ‘Anyway, Harry knew where the car was. He’d been told.’