The Life That Mattered (Life #1)(87)

This was different.

I waited for him to click past it, as if he accidentally stopped on it. He didn’t click past it. Nope, he set the remote down beside him and cocked that arm behind his head while hugging me to him with his other arm.

It was a threesome. Two women. One man.

Okay. He wasn’t going to ask me about Vancouver. We were just going to watch a porn movie with two women and one man in bed together.

“Um …” I cleared my throat. “I’m not sure this is what I’d choose to watch on my birthday.”

“Noted. I’ll remember that for next year. But it’s past midnight, so technically it’s no longer your birthday.”

Girl one sat on single guy’s face. Girl two settled into cowgirl position.

Girl three—me—hid my face in the crook of Ronin’s neck, hoping he might switch the channel or find some interest in me again and just shut off the television.

No luck.

I slid my hand down his stomach, going for a new distraction. My hand paused, not expecting him to be so turned on when I had just started to make my move. Yet, he was totally erect.

“You’re …” My voice shook a bit. Five years of marriage … my voice had no reason to shake. That was the power of that little thing called the comfort zone. Stepping outside of it made voices shake and cheeks fill with embarrassment. “You’re enjoying this?”

I had to ask, even though I knew the answer. We talked sex while having sex. We experimented with sexual positions without watching demonstrations. What was wrong with me that I felt so uncomfortable? What was wrong with him that he didn’t?

“Yes. Aren’t you?”

I crawled over his chest and grabbed the remote, pressing the Power button. “No. I’m not enjoying that. Why don’t you just ask? I’d rather tell you about Vancouver than watch that shit. Is that what you want?”

He moved his other hand behind his head, lacing his fingers. “Well, you shut off that shit, so I assume you’re ready to tell me—five years after the fact.”

I sighed, sitting straight while facing him, pulling the covers up to my chest. “When I was in elementary school, I fell off a horse and broke my arm. It was in a cast for six weeks, and everyone in school signed it and drew pictures on it. I bet the cast is still in an old box in my parents’ garage.”

Ronin quirked a single brow. “That’s why Lila was sliding her hand up your leg in the limo?”

“No. It’s just a random thing about me that you didn’t know and doesn’t really matter in our life together. Just like that time in Vancouver when Graham and Lila invaded my hotel room and tried to drag me into a threesome—a random event that doesn’t really matter in our life together.”

Ronin narrowed his eyes. “Well, I disagree. Did this threesome look like that threesome?” He nodded toward the blank TV screen.

I sighed. “No. Not even close. And the reason I never told you is because you know all the parties involved, and I don’t want you to get these images in your head. It could affect the way you look at me, or Lila and Graham too.”

“Well, in case you missed the subtle hint I just gave you by stopping on that channel, if you don’t clarify what Lila alluded to earlier in the limo, then that…” he nodded again to the screen “…is what I imagine happened between the three of you. And that makes me pretty fucking unhappy.”

I bristled at his comment. How dare he be upset about anything after the debacle of my birthday sparked by his hidden drug addiction.

“Why would you be fucking unhappy?” I narrowed my eyes. “I felt you, and you were clearly turned on by what was happening on that screen.”

He jackknifed to sitting, putting our faces six inches apart. “Getting a goddamn boner from watching a porn star doesn’t mean I’m okay with my wife being a porn star!”

“Excuuuse me? Did you really just call me a porn star?”

“I don’t know …” He tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowed. “Did you sit on Graham’s face or his cock the very same day we met?”

I opened my mouth to spit more venom, but nothing came out. Instead, I deflated. “Oh my god …” I whispered. “What are we doing?”

That was easy—we were pissed off about other uncontrollable circumstances in our lives, and instead of facing them, making plans to survive them, we were throwing stupid punches over something as frivolous as Va-ness-uh karaoke. It was on me. I was the one in control of the situation. Ronin was simply reacting to jumbled pieces of the unknown.

I knew better. I had all the pieces.

Crawling onto his lap, I ran my fingers though his hair. He stiffened. I couldn’t blame him.

“I’m so sorry.” I kissed the corner of his mouth.

His head made a tiny jerk away from me.

Fair.

He had every right to feel upset and confused. Had the tables been turned, I would have been a tornado of emotions throwing shit like cell phones at his head.

“Graham didn’t touch me, and I didn’t touch him. He threw out some ridiculous idea about having a threesome as we were all in my bed in our pajamas. For the record, I didn’t invite them into my room. They came over and just piled into my bed when all I wanted to do was go to sleep and dream about this sexy guy I met that day.”