The Friends We Keep(61)

“Nothing I can be sued for though,” Topher interjected as she laughed.

“I would hope not. But what is so fascinating for all of us is that you have used this memoir to come out as gay, which is incredibly brave, especially as you have been plagued by online rumors for some time now.”

“Oh, we’re going there immediately?” Topher laughed.

“We’re going there.” Ann laughed in return.

“The truth is, I wanted to do this on my own terms, and I couldn’t write a memoir without writing about the one huge thing that everyone questions about me. I had reached an age where I thought, I want to be real. I want to be known for who I am, including my sexuality, and if it puts people off or they don’t like it, that’s okay with me. You can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

“You must feel lighter, not keeping this secret anymore?”

“I never really thought of it as a secret because it was only a secret in my professional life, but yes, it’s great to have been able to be as honest as I was in the book, and for it to be so well received.”

“That’s right. People magazine called it ‘beautifully written and compelling from first page to last,’ and Lauren Weisberger of The Devil Wears Prada fame said, ‘It’s gossipy and fun, and I couldn’t put it down.’ That’s some high praise indeed, and well deserved. I was very interested in your childhood. You were born to some privilege in the tony town of Greenwich, and much of what you write sounds like you had an idyllic childhood.”

“I really did,” said Topher, who found he was on high alert. This was exactly what he didn’t want to talk about. He had written it, of course, but had regretted this particular chapter, and wanted to remove it from the book completely, but his publisher wouldn’t allow it.

A compromise was reached, where he kept a couple of paragraphs in the book, but didn’t go into as much detail, and he hoped, how he hoped, that it wouldn’t be a talking point when it came to publicity.

“And yet in chapter four you mention you had a tennis coach who only gave private lessons to boys, and that you realized years later how inappropriate his behavior was.” Her face took on an expression of extreme empathy. “You don’t write much more about that, and I wondered whether that was a hard decision, to put that in the book.”

Topher nodded. “It was a hard decision. Even years later it’s hard to think about. It’s hard to even talk about, and I didn’t want to dwell on that. It wasn’t a formative issue of my childhood, just a dark spot in what was otherwise pretty wonderful, and I have chosen to move on and live the life I have in spite of that.”

“Which is so commendable. I wonder whether you ever thought of expanding on the issue of childhood sexual abuse? There are more and more adults who were victims of this kind of thing, and often it is helpful to read about what happened to others—it helps us realize that we’re not alone.”

“I think in mentioning it at all, I have hopefully done that.” Topher said nothing else, and kept the smile on his face, but it was clear that he was done with that topic.

“And I understand you will be appearing on Broadway at the end of the summer, which is a first for you. Can you tell us more about that?”

Topher’s shoulders relaxed as he talked about the play, and then it was over, and he was back in the greenroom being congratulated on a great interview.

“Come back anytime,” said the young producer who showed them out. “We’d love to have you back when your show is opening. Ann loved you. Really, you’re welcome to come on the show whenever.”

They thanked him as they headed outside; back in the town car, Dickie looked at Topher with concern.

“It was fine. She’s lovely.”

“Were you okay about the question about your childhood? The . . . abuse?” Dickie’s voice softened as he said the word, knowing how reluctant Topher was to discuss it, even though he had finally admitted what Dickie had always suspected.

“Of course I wasn’t,” said Topher, turning to look out the window. “I knew it was a mistake to keep that in. Now it’s going to be all that everyone focuses on.”

“Maybe it’s you that could be focusing on it a little more? I know you don’t like talking about it, but maybe this is an opportunity for you to perhaps see a therapist? You were a young boy, and it wasn’t your fault, and there was nothing you could have done to stop it. It was about power, and although you think you are perfectly fine and you have moved on, I believe that what you have actually done is switch off your sexuality, because you are terrified of it. I have someone you could see, who I think would be of enormous help, and I say this because I love you, and because I want you to embrace all of yourself. I want you to be the fullest person you can be.”

Topher turned from the window and looked at Dickie, before his face crumpled as he broke down in sobs.





twenty-seven


- 2015 -



The bathroom light was flattering, casting a soft, dewy glow as Evvie turned around so her husband could fasten the catch at the back of her neck. As he did, he looked her slowly up and down and she resisted the urge to cover her body with her hands.

There was absolutely no denying the weight gain anymore. This former model, once skinny and tall, was now insulated by a thick layer of flesh. Her thighs rubbed together when she walked, her stomach was rounded and full, her breasts had become large enough that she couldn’t wait to get home every night to take her bra off, her shoulders aching from the weight.