The Friends We Keep(32)

That night, it was Kat who voiced the one thought Evvie had been refusing to allow herself to think.

“I think you’re pregnant, love,” she said after Evvie got home from the shoot, looking her up and down, her eyes coming to a final rest on her stomach. “It’s not the trousers. You’re putting on weight in that pregnancy way. And look at those bosoms! You didn’t have those when we all moved in.”

“Fuck,” whispered Evvie, the color draining from her face. Ben had used protection. They used condoms, every single time. Except for that first time, when neither of them was prepared for how lust would carry them away. But even then, they were careful. Ben pulled out. It couldn’t be that. Evvie said as much to Kat, who looked at her with skepticism.

Fuck.

Kat accompanied Evvie to the Planned Parenthood clinic the next day. All the while, Evvie stayed firmly in denial. She kept thinking that it couldn’t be, there could not be any way she was pregnant after one time; this wouldn’t be possible. It certainly wouldn’t be fair.

The nurse at Planned Parenthood was gentle, and sympathetic. She gave Evvie armfuls of leaflets to look over while they waited the few days for the blood test to come back.

But it didn’t help.

“I feel sick,” said Evvie as soon as they walked out, her face as white as a sheet.

“Do you need to throw up?” Kat asked, glancing at a nearby trash can.

“No. I just mean I’m scared. I’m also hungry. Can we get some Baskin-Robbins?”

Kat started to laugh. “Are you joking? God, you really are pregnant. I can’t eat that stuff. I’ve got a shoot tomorrow. I’ve been eating cotton balls soaked in orange juice for the last two days.”

“You have?” Evvie looked at her in horror.

“I have. It’s awful. But I was feeling so bloated, and someone said that’s what the girls do to stay thin. I still haven’t met anyone else who’s actually done it, and it’s so disgusting, I think it may be an urban myth.”

“You look great. And your boobs are practically flat. Try living in this body.” Evvie stuck out her expanding breasts. “I’m getting ice cream. Screw the photo shoots.”

The phone call from Planned Parenthood came a few days later. The results were in, and they were positive. Evvie was told to come in as soon as possible to discuss options.

Two days later, the abortion was booked, with Evvie’s only question being whether or not to let Ben know. She tried to tell herself that it was none of his business—her body, her future. She wished she was able to run it by Maggie, who had always steered Evvie in the right direction. But of course Maggie was the last person she could confide in.

“If I were him, I would want to know,” said Kat. “It’s a courtesy. He’s still half-responsible, and even though he doesn’t get a say in what you’re going to do, I think it’s the right thing to tell him.”

Evvie waited until everyone was out, until she knew she would have complete privacy. She got out her Filofax and turned to C, her heart pounding as the phone was picked up.

It wasn’t a great connection, and she had trouble hearing the person who had answered the phone.

“Ben?” she asked, unsure.

“No. Hang on. Who’s calling?”

“Evvie.”

She heard the man yelling for Ben, then footsteps and a dull murmur, until it was quite clearly Ben’s voice saying hello. For a second she felt relief, and pleasure, before remembering why she was phoning.

“This is a surprise,” he said. “I didn’t expect to hear from you while you’re in New York. Unless you’re in London?” It’s irrelevant, thought Evvie, but his voice sounded hopeful.

“Can’t you tell from this awful line? I’m in New York.”

“Oh. How are you? How’s the modeling?”

Evvie took a deep breath. “It’s all good but I have some news. I’m really sorry to phone with this but . . .” She paused. How were you supposed to deliver such momentous news, even if it would only be temporary? “I’m pregnant,” she said quickly. “I just wanted to let you know that I’ve scheduled an abortion for next week.”

There was a long silence.

“You’re what?” said Ben.

“Pregnant. I know. It sucks.”

“But . . . I don’t understand. How could you be pregnant?”

“The first time? When we didn’t have a condom? Remember?”

Another silence, and Evvie knew he didn’t remember, that he had had too much to drink. “You pulled out,” she said quietly. “I never thought this could happen.”

“You’re pregnant,” he said again as Evvie’s heart sank, not knowing what to make of this reaction.

“I’m not asking anything from you. I don’t want money, I’m taking care of everything. I just thought you should know.”

“What if I don’t want you to have an abortion?”

“What?” Evvie didn’t think she’d heard properly.

“I know it might be crazy, but what if you had the baby? What if I got a job in New York, or you moved to London? What if we tried this out? You and me. And a baby. I know we don’t know each other well, and this sounds nuts, but I have a good feeling about us. I think we could do it. I think we could make this work.”