The Friends We Keep(30)

Evvie felt herself softening. “You have? I thought you always fancied Maggie.”

“Honestly? I thought you were both gorgeous. But I couldn’t get involved with either of you. You were freshers when I first saw you both, and I was a postgrad student. There was no way I could get involved with freshers.”

“Is that why you were so rude to me when I worked at the King’s Head?”

“I didn’t mean to be rude. I was so intimidated by you, I couldn’t even look at you.”

“Intimidated?” Evvie was stunned. She could understand people being intimidated by Maggie. She was statuesque, and well-spoken, with a confidence that belied her years. But Evvie? Evvie had never seen herself as someone who would intimidate people.

“You’re so stunning. You were working right next to me, and I was terrified. I had no idea what to say to you.”

Evvie thought back to those days, to how chubby she was, to how inadequate she felt, as her heart hurt. Ben had thought she was attractive. He never noticed the weight, didn’t see her as she saw herself, and she felt herself flooded with gratitude.

“You were such an ass.” She kissed him.

“You have such an arse.” He moved his hands down to her butt as she laughed. “Let’s get some sleep. This is only the beginning.”

When they got back into bed, Ben reached over for her and she settled in his arms. Evvie had always loved cuddling, relished the feeling of being held; up until tonight, it was the best thing about sex. But she had never been able to sleep wrapped in someone’s arms, had always disentangled herself in order to fall asleep.

That night Evvie allowed herself to be held, and when she woke up the next morning, she was still tightly in his arms. It was only when the phone started to ring that she felt flooded with guilt.

It could only have been Maggie. Ben stirred with the ringing of the phone, but Evvie couldn’t pick up, and let it ring and ring until it stopped. Ben slept on as Evvie looked at him, knowing how upset Maggie would be if she knew what had happened last night. Maggie had always claimed Ben as her own: her crush, hers by right.

But what right did Maggie actually have to him? One drunken snog that Ben hadn’t remembered and three years of fantasizing? This wasn’t high school; you couldn’t claim someone who didn’t want you, nor could you get upset with a friend for being with someone when you were all free agents.

And yet, this was not how friendship worked. Evvie knew that Maggie would see it as a betrayal. It may not be insurmountable, but Maggie would be hurt and would undoubtedly blame Evvie, even though this was not something Evvie had planned. My God, she had never been interested in Ben in the slightest, had actively disliked him. But the chemistry! The minute he kissed her last night, it was as if her whole body was on fire; she had never felt anything like it, and she couldn’t walk away now, had to see it through to see if it was real. If it was, she would deal with Maggie. You could begrudge your best friend having a fling with your number one crush, but you couldn’t hold that grudge if they turned out to be soul mates.

Evvie shook her head. There was no way on earth she and Ben were soul mates. Maybe it would be easier if she ended it now. By the time she and Maggie saw each other again, her fling with Ben would be a distant memory, a one-night stand that would be meaningless, that Evvie would be able to pretend had never happened.

Evvie drifted back to sleep, and when she woke up again, she rested her head on her hand, watching Ben until he stirred, yawning and turning over to see Evvie. She steeled herself, knowing he had been drunk the night before, expecting him to be distant or dismissive in the cold light of day, to have regrets. Evvie stiffened her back, unsure how he would be now that he was sober, unwilling to have to deal with rejection.

And then he smiled, those dimples forming as Evvie’s heart flipped over. She wondered how she could go from hating someone to wanting to lick every inch of his body. He reached out and pulled her into him, nuzzling her neck.

“I have morning breath,” she said when he moved to kiss her mouth.

That wasn’t what she meant to say. What she meant to say was that she couldn’t do this, that last night was great but it was pointless. He was going back to London, and she was going to New York, and yes, the sex may have been great, but it was only sex and there was no point in doing anything further because there was nowhere for this to go. And all the while, she would know that she was doing the right thing because if she didn’t push him away, Maggie would kill her.

“I don’t care,” he said as his tongue touched hers, and all thoughts of Maggie, of everything, were forgotten as Evvie sighed and sank into his arms.





fifteen


- 1989 -



Evvie thought about Ben all the way to the airport, and for the entire plane ride to New York. She thought about him as she looked for a driver carrying a card with her name on it waiting at Arrivals, and in the car on the way to Manhattan. She stopped thinking about him when she saw the skyline, the view taking her breath away, a shiver of excitement running through her body as she realized how big life was, how much possibility New York held.

She made herself stop thinking about Ben. There was nowhere for this to go, Evvie had been telling herself, even before she left. During those few days they had together, they didn’t talk about the future. Every morning Evvie told herself she was going to end it, this would be the last time. But the chemistry between them had been so strong, she couldn’t resist.