The Fixed Trilogy: Found in You(90)

“Hey, he kept calling and you wouldn’t talk to him and then he trapped me into this whole surprise you thingamabob. He asked me to keep you busy upstairs while he did—” Liesl gestured at the room. “All this.” Her expression said she felt guilty about the betrayal. “He’s my boss, what was I supposed to say?”

“He’s not your boss,” I said, remembering his frequent claim to me.

At the same time, Hudson said, “I’m not your boss.”

My eyes flew to his at the dual mention of our inside joke. Then they were locked there, as if there were nothing else in the world to look at but him. As if the only things worth meaning could be found there.

And he gazed back at me with the same intensity.

Distantly, Liesl’s voice penetrated through the haze. “I’m going to slip out the back. ‘K, thanks.”

I’m not sure I even addressed Liesl. She was already gone—I was already alone. With Hudson.

Part of me wanted to run to him. But I couldn’t let myself. Even though I was ready to forget every bad thing that had transpired between us, I understood that if we didn’t fix things first, we could never last. So I walked to him instead, my legs shaking as I stepped down to the dance floor, and this time it wasn’t because of the espresso.

Though there were many things waiting on the tip of my tongue, he spoke first. “‘Bags packed’?” He stepped toward me, one brow raised. “Are you going somewhere?”

I could hear the tension in his voice. He thought I was leaving him. It made it that much sweeter to be able to say my next words. “Oh, nowhere special. Just Japan.”

“Because… I was in Japan?” His expression was so hopeful and adorable, I melted a little. Or a lot.

“Yeah.” I circled him, taking in the details of his setup. The tables draped with white cloths, the candlesticks letting off a vanilla fragrance. “I thought I could put my stalking skills to use to find you.”

“I would have liked to have been found by you.”

I turned back to face him, playing cool and flirty though my subtext was hot and needy. “Would you? I wasn’t sure.”

“Then you’re an idiot.”

“Thank you.”

“A beautiful idiot that I can’t take my eyes off of.”

I couldn’t stop looking at him either. Less than a week apart, it felt like I hadn’t seen him in a lifetime. We were still several feet apart. I took a step toward him, but the distance between us felt just as wide. There was no way I could get to him without…without saying everything.

“Hudson, I saw Celia behind your back.”

His eyes closed for half a second. “I’ve figured that out.”

“I should have told you.” I bit my lip, trying to come up with the right explanation of why I’d done what I’d done. “She was welcoming and supportive and I needed someone to talk to. It’s no excuse.”

His mouth straightened. “You could have talked to me.”

“We don’t always talk that well.”

“We need to work on that, then.”

My throat tightened. He still thought we had a chance. That made all the difference.

Yet there was still hard stuff to say. “You hurt me, Hudson.”

He took a breath so shaky I heard it shudder through him. “I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. I transferred David without talking to you.”

“Well.” There were other issues between us. I could let him off the hook on this one. “It turns out that’s probably for the best. It was a good compromise.”

“And I didn’t believe you.” He shook his head, looking down at the floor. “I should have believed you.” His eyes came back to mine. “I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you?”

He sighed. “I was more concerned with being the guy who would stand by you. I wanted you to know I’d help you, get you treatment.”

“I didn’t need treatment. I needed you to believe me and you didn’t.”

“We hadn’t had a good track record in being honest with each other. It was instinctual to doubt.”

My back stiffened. “Then it’s my fault that you took her word over mine?”

“I didn’t take her word over yours. I took the evidence and put it into a plausible scenario.”

It was my turn to look at the floor. “Right.” There was nothing wrong with what he said, yet it didn’t ease the ache in my chest.

“The thing you aren’t hearing, Alayna, is that I don’t care.”

My eyes raced back to his.

“I don’t care if you did stalk Celia or call her a million times or leave a dead chicken in her bed—I don’t care. I just want you. I want to be with you. If you were sick, then there was a chance that I would lose you. And I can’t. Whatever it takes to make that happen. Whatever I have to do. Whatever I have to say. I have to have you in my life.”

Goosebumps rushed across my skin. Hudson’s words were both freeing and binding. They relieved me of so many of the doubts that constantly pulled at me. His reluctance to believe me hadn’t been about trust, though I certainly hadn’t deserved his trust. It had been his way to hold on to me. Even at my most crazy, he would still be there for me. That was almost unbelievable. After years of thinking no one could ever want me past my mistakes, his declaration was more of a dream come true than any other aspect of our relationship.