The Fixed Trilogy: Forever With You(92)

“Suit yourself.” She threw me a pillow from her closet. “And you’re welcome here as long as you want.”

I wrapped my arms around the pillow and fell onto the futon. “I think it’s going to be a while, Liesl. Are you sure about the offer?”

“Yep.”

At least that took care of living arrangements for a bit. I’d have to arrange to pick up my things from the penthouse at some point. I didn’t have much, but I needed my clothes. Not the items that had been bought by him—I didn’t want those—but the rest of my stuff.

And I needed to get a new phone. My current one also came from Hudson. I didn’t want anything to do with it. I’d already given it to Liesl and asked her to hang on to it for me. If Hudson had decided to ignore my request and call, I wouldn’t even know. I didn’t want to know.

Then there was Celia’s possible lawsuit…

I sat up. “Have the police been looking for me?” Hudson had said he’d take care of it, but I didn’t trust a word he said anymore.

Liesl sat down at the foot of the futon. “Nope, and they won’t be.” She answered my questioning look. “Hudson called me on my cell yesterday morning. He wanted me to tell you that he’d gotten the whole battery charge dismissed.”

So he knows where I am. Of course he did. It wasn’t that hard to figure out where I’d go. And I had the feeling Hudson wasn’t the kind of guy you could hide from very easily.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to know. “Did he say anything else?”

“He said lots of things. I decided you weren’t interested in hearing any of it.”

“Good thinking. I wasn’t.” I leaned back on my elbows. “But I am now. What did he say?”

“That he wanted to give you your space, but that he’s anxious to talk to you when—if—you want to. That he’ll do anything you want him to for the club, even if that includes doing nothing. That you’re welcome to come back to the penthouse—he’s staying at his other place.”

“The loft.” The offer of the penthouse was a waste of his breath. I had no desire to be anywhere I’d been with him. Except maybe the club. I still hadn’t decided about that yet.

“Yeah, the loft.” She lowered her eyes. “He also insisted that I tell you he loves you.”

“I don’t want to hear that.” Even knowing it was a lie, it still had impact. My stomach tightened and my eyes watered. And some stupid little spot in my chest flickered with a spark of…I don’t know…hope, maybe? It surprised me. Disgusted me. After everything, how could there be any part of me that still wanted his love to be true?

Liesl grinned. “That’s what I told him.” Her mouth straightened to a tight line. “He said it didn’t make it any less true.”


That night when I cried myself to sleep, it wasn’t the betrayal that kept the tears coming—it was the loneliness. My lips burned for Hudson’s mouth, my breasts ached for his touch, my entire body pulsed with isolation. And instead of wishing I’d never met the man, that I’d never heard his name, I wished I’d never found out the truth. Ignorance, it turned out, truly could be bliss.

***

“I told you it sucks,” Gwen said when I called in sick on Wednesday.

I didn’t follow. “What sucks?” I should have had Liesl call in for me again. This talking to people thing was harder than I’d comprehended.

Gwen delivered her response in sing-song voice. “Love, darling. L-o-v-e, love. Worst thing ever.”

Guess my claim of the flu wasn’t fooling her. “Yeah. It really does.”

***

Thursday I almost seemed like a real person again. A broken, distraught person, but that was better than the sobbing lump that I’d been the days before. Now I could feed myself and I even managed to drink something other than alcohol.

Liesl had seemed to think I was ready to be pushed further. “You need a distraction. A release. Like maybe you should pet the *. I could loan you my vibrator while I’m at work tonight.”

I cringed. “Um, no thanks.”

“Then we could drive to Atlantic City this weekend and check out David’s new place. You know he’d f*ck your brains out if you asked.”

“First of all, David doesn’t f*ck anyone’s brains out.” Though I’d never slept with him, I’d been with him enough in a sexual sense to know he was a total puppy dog.

“Secondly, I don’t ever want to have sex with anyone ever again.” Hudson had ruined sex for me—there would never be anyone better, no one more serving and demanding and fulfilling. It had been the place where things had been real for us—even now, with all the lies, I believed that. Anyone who tried to come in after would be a sorry comparison.

And there was a third thing—Saturday was the day of Mira’s Grand Reopening. I couldn’t go, of course. That would be ridiculous to even consider. But telling her was going to be hard. Since it was already Thursday, I probably couldn’t put it off any longer.

With a deep breath, I held my hand out to Liesl. “Speaking of the weekend—can I borrow your phone? I need to call Mira.”

She handed me her cell. I looked up Mirabelle’s Boutique and pressed the button to dial. This would be a true test of my strength. Mira had been so pro-Alayna-and-Hudson that she was likely as devastated as I was. Well, not quite that devastated, but nearly. And knowing her and her love-conquers-all attitude, she’d probably try to convince me we could work things out.