The First to Die at the End (Death-Cast #0)(78)

“Was he actually a piece of shit?”

It’s stupid and immature being so competitive with someone in his past, someone who isn’t spending Valentino’s End Day with him. But I’m stupid and immature when it comes to these things, back off.

“George was a good guy. We bumped into each other in an audition room and hung out that entire day. Then it started getting dark, and before I could go home he leaned in for a kiss.”

I want to fucking catapult myself off this bridge, I’m so jealous.

“I backed away,” Valentino says.

Okay, never mind, maybe I’ll take up flying instead.

“Why’d you back off?”

Valentino steals a glance my way. “I wanted my first kiss to be memorable.”

“I like that a lot,” I say. Some things are worth holding off for. “Do you believe in soul mates?”

His blue eyes stare out into the river, then the skylines. “I think so. I believe there are people you’re destined to meet, but it’s up to you to do the work. The work always seemed really intimidating and even impossible.”

“I feel that. I love being gay, but fuck, this shit is hard sometimes.”

“No kidding. It’s not even legal for us to get married.”

My heart stops—not really, but really, you know—and it only starts pumping again when I realize he’s speaking about the general us, not the Orion-ampersand-Valentino us.

“Is marriage something that’s been on your brain?” I ask.

“Absolutely. I was looking forward to meeting my man and proposing and planning the wedding and stressing out about vows. Scarlett would be my maid of honor, of course. I originally pictured my parents being there, but when I realized that wasn’t going to happen I thought I’d invite so many friends and friends of friends to fill the venue so I wouldn’t even notice they weren’t there. This is probably one of the saddest things about dying today: I’ll never know if this was going to change.”

“I wish we could know if your parents would’ve come around, it’s just—”

His hand finds my shoulder. “I’m sorry to interrupt. That wasn’t about my parents having a change of heart. It was about the government and the church and society accepting gay marriage. It would’ve been nice to know this was even a possibility in my lifetime.”

If Valentino had been in love and wanted to cement that by marrying his partner before death do them apart today, he couldn’t.

This is not a problem most couples have, my parents included. My mom and dad put up with a lot of shit as Puerto Ricans, but no one stopped them from making it official, no one was disgusted by their love, no one killed their dream of starting a family. We should’ve had decades on decades on decades with each other, but who knows what that would’ve looked like. They could’ve gone all their lives watching me fight a war they never fought in, watching me never have what they have. In all my years of imagining what my parents’ terrifying final moments looked like, I like to think they were holding each other. My dad hadn’t stepped out of their meeting for one of his million bathroom breaks and my mom wasn’t trying to find a hot tea. They were so close that they could hear every I love you over the screams, over the explosions.

They were together, as the world has always allowed them to be.

“How about you?” Valentino asks.

“How about me what?”

“Have you thought a lot about marriage?”

“Honestly, no. I never thought I could even think about it. I’ve been too busy freaking out about trying to survive the day to even dream about the future. Like, I don’t know what Old Orion could look like or ever picture any Little Orions running around.”

“You’d be amazing with kids. You’re so incredibly thoughtful.”

“Do you want—” I stop myself, hating how Valentino will die before I get this right. “Did you want kids?”

Valentino nods. “I had names picked out too.”

“Please tell me you weren’t going to keep up the Valentine’s Day theme.”

“I absolutely would’ve! I wanted Rose for a girl and Cupid for a boy.”

“You would’ve been doing your son dirty. How about, um—what’s Cupid’s Greek mythology name? Eros!”

“I know we’re joking, but I don’t hate Rose and Eros as names.”

“I kind of don’t either. What did you actually pick out? They better be better now.”

“No pressure.” Valentino seems nervous sharing. “I really like Vale because it feels like the fraternal twin to my name. Alike, but not identical because they’re pronounced differently. It’s also unisex, which I love.”

I genuinely love the name too, but I’m too choked up to say anything. He really gave this a lot of thought, and it will never happen. There are some bucket-list boxes you can check off on your End Day and others that are impossible. Like Valentino getting married to the love of his life and having a child named Vale.

“I hate that you’re being robbed of all these moments.”

“What moments?”

“Everything you want. Falling in love, walking down the aisle at your wedding, holding your baby for the first time, all of that.”