The First Mistake(69)
If she knew where she was going, and what she was going to do when she got there, it would help, but right now, all she knows is that her paranoid fears about her husband having an affair have finally been proven, and she needs to decide what she’s going to do about it.
The bar is just as busy as when she’d sat there enjoying a bottle of champagne with Nathan before dinner. She’d felt excited then, finally buoyed by optimism for the future. Now, she has a lump in her chest and a sickening sensation swirling in her stomach.
Despite her trepidation, she strides in with her head held high, trying desperately hard not to look how she feels; panic-stricken. She surreptitiously takes in everyone there, not sure if she wants to see Nathan or not. If he’s here, she will need to go to him and ask what the hell is going on. If he’s not, she’s got an even bigger problem on her hands. Where is he? And who’s he with?
She thinks back to the earring and bouquet, and the bill from this very same hotel. She’d let Nathan convince her that the charges for cocktails, room service and a couples massage had been a mistake. He’d promised her that he’d never seen the earring before and that the florist delivering the bouquet was a million-to-one coincidence. How had she allowed herself to be played? Maybe because knowing the truth about Tom had made her look at Nathan in a whole new light. One in which she refused to believe that he was like her cheating first husband.
The realization that one man she loved would do that to her is hard enough to take. Now that she’s faced with the prospect that both of them have makes her question what she’s doing wrong. All she’s ever done is love them the best way she knows how. How could that not be enough?
She holds her breath as she looks around the bar, willing Nathan to be there, because right now, that is the lesser of the two evils. If he isn’t, she doesn’t want to go where her mind will undoubtedly take her. She doesn’t want to acknowledge that whoever just sent him that text might be in Japan.
Does she live here? Is this where he met her? Has she got something to do with the site? Is that why he’s so keen to do it, so that he can spend more time here, be with her, knowing that Alice wouldn’t be keen to travel? She wonders if her announcement that she was going to come had surprised him. He wouldn’t have been expecting it, that was for sure. Had she scuppered his plans? His chance to be with her? Perhaps not, because as she fruitlessly scours the faces in the bar, she’s hit by the realization that he’s gone to her anyway.
She orders a Baileys with ice – the first drink she can think of when the bartender asks. The man playing Sinatra on the piano looks over and gives a cheery nod. She smiles weakly and sips her liqueur, resisting the urge to knock it all back.
Despite being in a strange city, on the other side of the world, where Alice’s imagination could so easily concoct a horror story about what could have happened to Nathan, there’s no part of her that’s worried about his safety. Perhaps because deep down, she’d hazard a guess that it’s not his safety that’s being compromised – it’s his morals.
‘May I?’ asks a gentleman, indicating the stool next to Alice.
‘Of course,’ she says, smiling, her subconscious having already registered in that split second that he’s attractive.
‘Can I buy you a drink?’ he asks in an American accent.
Her first instinct is to say no, but then she wonders, why not? Why shouldn’t she accept a drink from this handsome man? Why shouldn’t she enjoy his company and flirt with him a little? She might go even further if the opportunity arises. Panic rises within her as she contemplates the idea of going to bed with the man in front of her. As exciting as the prospect may be, she cannot even begin to understand how people who are married, who are supposed to love their partners, can cheat. Her heart palpitates at the mere thought of it.
‘I’ll have a G and T please,’ she says. ‘A double.’
The barman smiles and sets about slicing a cucumber into a crystal bowl, its cool, fresh fragrance finding its way across the bar.
‘Are you staying here or just visiting?’ asks the man, tilting his head towards the opening into the lobby.
‘We— I’m staying here,’ Alice says, her interest piqued enough to change her story, if only to see how far this game can go.
‘I see,’ he says, his piercing blue eyes never leaving hers. She wonders if he can see straight through her.
‘What about you?’ she asks, crossing her legs and flicking her blonde hair over her shoulder. ‘Are you staying here?’
‘Yep, just for tonight. I’ve been trying to sleep for four hours, but I’m battling horrific jet lag and the harder I try, the more it eludes me.’
‘Where have you flown in from?’
‘I’ve worked a double shift, flying from New York to Shanghai and Shanghai to here.’
She can’t even compute the geography involved. ‘So, you’re cabin crew?’
He nods modestly. ‘Pilot.’
She smiles. Does he think I was born yesterday?
Beth unexpectedly springs into her mind and Alice feels a pang in her chest. She remembers Beth telling her that she’d always fancied the idea of dating a pilot. ‘Imagine that uniform,’ she’d breathed, as they had adopted the downward dog pose in their yoga class. ‘Imagine him walking in with the cap under his arm and picking me up to the sound of “Up Where We Belong” . . .’