The First Mistake(4)

‘If I’d thought of it sooner, I’d have asked her to accompany me to Japan.’

‘Really?’ I was taken aback, even though I couldn’t quite work out why. It had been my choice not to go.

‘It’s not too late if you want to come with me,’ he’d said gently, taking me in his arms.

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ I had pulled away, my heart hammering through my chest. ‘Of course I can’t, I’ve got the children to think about.’

‘Your mum would have them at the drop of a hat, you know she would.’

My mind had frantically run through what I’d have to go through to get on that plane with him. My breath caught in my throat as panic crept through every nerve fibre, tingling the tips of my fingers.

‘We’ve discussed this,’ I’d snapped.

‘I’m just saying that there’s still time,’ he’d said as he pulled away from me. ‘That’s all.’

‘I’ll see you on Wednesday,’ I replied. ‘Enjoy yourself.’

‘How can I if you’re not with me?’ he’d said forlornly.

‘It’s Japan, how can you not?’

‘Be good,’ he’d said with a wink as he walked towards his car on the drive.

‘Call me as soon as you land, won’t you?’

When I didn’t hear from him, I frantically rang his mobile every few minutes as the horror stories played out in my mind. The plane had crashed, Japan had had an earthquake, there was a tsunami. By the time I’d eventually reached him, I’d convinced myself that there wasn’t even a remote possibility that he was still alive.

‘Oh my God,’ I’d cried, when he eventually picked up. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m so sorry darling,’ he’d said in a gruff voice, as if I’d just woken him from a deep slumber. ‘I took a call as soon as I got off the plane and when I got to the hotel I crashed out for a few hours.’

‘I thought something had happened to you,’ I said, still with a slight hysterical lilt to my voice, though my chest had stopped hurting.

‘I didn’t mean to worry you,’ he said patiently. ‘I’m absolutely fine.’

I could hear ice cubes clinking in a glass.

‘Are you all set for the big meeting tomorrow?’ I’d asked. ‘Got everything you need?’

‘Yep, Lottie’s sent it across and I’ve got all your mock-ups here. I’ll chat through the scheme with them and make sure we’re all singing from the same hymn sheet.’

‘Even if we’re not, I’m prepared to compromise,’ I said, laughing nervously. ‘I really want this, Nathan. This deal will put us up there with the big boys.’

‘Where you deserve to be.’

‘Where we deserve to be.’

‘AT Designs is your baby,’ he’d said. ‘It was your and Tom’s vision that started this whole thing.’

‘That may be so, but having you beside me these past few years has made it the success it is today. I just know we can go even further.’

‘It’s a massive ask, Alice. Are you absolutely sure you can take it on?’

I’d known what he was implying, and allowed the enormity of the task to wash over me. I sat with that feeling for a little while, like I had a hundred times before, waiting to see how it would present itself.

‘It’s twenty-eight apartments,’ he’d continued, as if reading my thoughts. ‘Our biggest job by a long way. Do you honestly think you can handle it?’

‘Absolutely,’ I’d said, my commanding voice belying the panic in the pit of my stomach. ‘I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.’

And I’d meant it then, when I’d had a glass or two of wine inside me. But now, three days on, I don’t feel quite so confident in my abilities or my emotions. Nothing’s changed in that time, at least not in a tangible sense. But today it just feels different, as if the roller coaster I’m forever riding has shot straight past the station platform, where it’s calm and orderly, and stopped at the top of the loop-the-loop, with me, hanging there upside down, waiting to be rescued.

‘Have you got everything you need for your meeting with Temple Homes?’ asks Lottie now, interrupting my thoughts.

‘I think so,’ I say, walking across to my desk. ‘Is it definitely David Phillips that I’m seeing?’

‘Yes, he specifically asked for you. He said he was a big fan of your work.’

My stomach turns over as I gather up a file and lined pad, avoiding Lottie’s gaze.

‘In fact, he referred to you as Al,’ she goes on, as I concentrate on not blushing. Though the harder I try, the redder I go. ‘I had to bring him down a peg or two and tell him that your name was Alice. I can’t stand it when people pretend to know you better than they do.’

I roll my eyes and smile tightly, whilst silently saying, He knows me better than most.





3


When my satnav tells me I’m under a mile away from Temple Homes’ headquarters, I pull over and check my reflection in the rear-view mirror. I wonder if he’s changed – I wonder if I’ve changed. I brush my hair through and feather my fringe with my fingers. I could do with a little more mascara, so deftly paint my eyelashes jet black, taking extra care to lengthen them as much as possible with the wand. A brush of blusher, a dab of red lipstick and I’m as good as I can be without the benefit of plastic surgery or being able to turn the clock back some twenty years. It still doesn’t stop me from trying though, as I pull my skin tight across my cheekbones, wondering where all that time’s gone. I’ve never thought of it before, but I suddenly regret not having something done, so that I don’t look too far off of when David last saw me. Ridiculous, I know, but doesn’t every girl want to look their best when they meet their first love again? Not because you still want him, but there’s a tiny part – okay a big part – that wants him to still want you.