The Family Upstairs(75)

Her voice begins to break and Libby touches her knee gently. ‘Are you OK?’ she asks.

Clemency nods. ‘I’ve never, ever told anyone any of this before,’ she says. ‘Not my mother, not my husband, not my daughter. It’s hard. You know. Talking about my father. About the sort of man he was. And about what happened to him. Because in spite of everything, he was my father. And I loved him.’

Libby touches Clemency’s arm gently. ‘Are you sure you’re OK to carry on?’

Clemency nods and straightens her shoulders. She continues. ‘Normally we placed dishes in the centre of the table and served ourselves but that night Henry said he wanted to serve everyone as though they were customers in a restaurant. That way he could make sure that each plate ended up in front of the right person. Then my dad made a toast. He raised his glass around the table to each person and he said, “I know that life hasn’t always been so easy for us all, particularly for those of us who have experienced a loss. I know sometimes it must feel hard to keep the faith, as it were, but the fact that we are all here, after all these years, and we are still a family, and now, in fact, a bigger family” – and as he said that he touched the crown of your head – “just shows how good we all have it and how lucky we all are.” And then he turned to Birdie and he said …’ Clemency pauses and pulls in her breath. ‘He said, “My love, my life, mother of my child, my angel, my reason for living, my goddess. Happy birthday, darling. I owe everything to you,” and then they kissed and it was long and wet and it made noises and I remember thinking …’ She stops for a moment and throws a rueful look at Libby. ‘I thought: I really really hope you both die.

‘It took about twenty minutes for the draught to start to take effect. Three or four minutes later all the grown-ups were unconscious. Lucy grabbed you from Birdie’s lap and we moved into action. Henry told us we had about twenty minutes, half an hour, tops, before the draught wore off. We laid the grown-ups down on the kitchen floor and I searched through my dad’s tunic for the leather pouch. At the top of the stairs I fumbled and fumbled through the bunch until I found the one that opened the door to David and Birdie’s room.

‘And, oh God, it was shocking. Henry had told us what to expect, but still, to see it there; what remained of Henry and Martina’s beautiful things, hoarded away, the antiques and perfumes and beauty products and jewellery and alcohol. Henry said, “Look. Look at all this stuff. While we had nothing. This is evil. You are looking at evil.”

‘We were five minutes into the estimated thirty minutes. I found nappies, baby suits, bottles. Then I realised that Phin was standing behind me. I said, “Quick! Find some clothes. You need to be warm. It’s cold out there.”

‘He said, “I don’t think I can. I think I’m too weak.”

‘I said, “But we can’t leave you here, Phin.”

‘He said, “I can’t! I just can’t. OK?”

‘We were nearly ten minutes in by then so I couldn’t spend any more time trying to persuade him. I watched Henry filling a bag with cash. I said, “Shouldn’t we leave that as evidence? For the police?”

‘But he said, “No. It’s mine. I’m not leaving it.”

‘You were crying now, screaming. Henry was shouting, “Make her shut up! For God’s sake!”

‘And then there was the sound of footsteps on the staircase behind us. A second later the door opened and Birdie appeared. She looked absolutely crazy and was barely coordinated. She stumbled into the room, her arms outstretched towards Lucy, going, “Give me my baby! Give her to me!”’

‘And Birdie just lunged,’ says Clemency. ‘Straight at you. And Henry was losing the plot. Massively screaming at everyone. Phin was standing there looking as if he was about to pass out. And I just froze, really. Because I thought that if Birdie was awake then everyone else must be awake. That my father must be awake. That any moment everyone was going to appear and we were going to be locked in our rooms for the rest of our lives. My heart was racing. I was so terrified. And then, I don’t know, I’m still not entirely sure what really happened, but suddenly Birdie was on the floor. She was on the floor and there was blood sort of dripping out of the corner of her eye. Like red tears. And her hair, just here.’ Clemency points to a spot just above her ear. ‘It was dark and sticky. And I looked at Henry and he was holding a tusk.’

Libby looks at her questioningly.

‘It looked like a tusk. From an elephant. Or an antler. Something like that.’

Libby thinks of the pop video Phin had showed them. She thinks of the animal heads looming off walls and the stuffed foxes posed as though still alive atop enormous mahogany desks.

‘And it had blood on it, like a streak of blood. And it was in Henry’s hand. And we all stopped breathing. For some seconds. Even you. And it was just completely silent. We were listening for the others. We were listening to Birdie’s breathing. It had been rattly. Now it had stopped. A tiny little dribble of blood ran from her hair, down her temple, into her eye …’ Clemency describes it on her own face with a fingertip. ‘I said, “Is she dead?”

‘Henry said, “Shut up. Just shut up and let me think.”

‘I went to check her heartbeat and Henry pushed me. Pushed me so hard I fell backwards. He yelled, “Leave her, leave her!”