The Falling (Brightest Stars, #1)(66)

“Hey, sorry—is Elodie here?” he asked, trying to look past me.

He was wearing black pants and a gray sweatshirt that had big letters across the front and some sort of seal under them. I tried not to look for too long, but instinctively caught his eyes with mine. A car passed us with its brights on. I loved the way tires sounded on rain-slicked pavement. The street was busy with a continual shushing noise. Even the rain couldn’t keep traffic away.

“Elodie’s not. I’m here alone.”

As I started trying to think of all the things I wanted to tell him about my shitty day at work, Kael smiled at me. It wasn’t a big smile, but it was there, and the corners of his lips turned up, his eyes bright under my porch light.

“Wow. Home alone on family-dinner Tuesday? Who would have imagined?”

“Ha, funny guy is back? It’s actually quite nice to have some quiet. I had the worst day today.” I licked my lips and kept the bottom one between my teeth for a moment. I didn’t even know where to begin.

He looked around, down at my pajamas. I followed his eyes with mine and became hyperaware of how thin the material was, how tight, and how braless I was. He was a friend, a gentleman, and he looked away from my body.

“Well, I’ll go so you can enjoy your castle to yourself. If you see Elodie, can you tell her that Phillip’s been trying to call for like an hour and he’s getting worried. He has less than an hour of phone privilege before he leaves for his next mission, if she can talk.” He effortlessly walked backward as he spoke, down the porch steps and into my grass. The blades shined under the streetlight, and the rain was picking up.

“If she comes home, I’ll let her know,” I called after him. I felt an unexplainable urge to stop him from leaving. My brain couldn’t react as fast as he moved, and I stood alone on my porch, watching him get into his truck. As one of my hands waved to him, the other was at my chest, trying to hold my heart still. So he really wasn’t going to mention the kiss? It’s not that I wanted him to, but I did. I couldn’t decide what the hell I wanted.

He drove away and I stood there, wishing Elodie was home and that I wasn’t so awkward when he was around. I would have traded my alone time, even the long shower, for him to be sitting in my living room. I was surprised as the thought hit me, and even more surprised at how true it was. I really, really wanted him to come back. Maybe I could call Elodie and tell her to come home and keep me company until this pang of loneliness went away? Her husband was trying to get a hold of her, so it would be a win-win.

Deep down I knew that her company wouldn’t fill the void. I tried to push aside thoughts of wanting to be alone with Kael. Feeling brave, I rushed around my house, looking for my phone. When I found it in my room, I clicked on his name and dialed before I could overthink it. My heart raced. This felt different. I felt high. Outside of my body and mind. Why? When he answered on the second ring, my voice spilled over onto the line.

“Karina?” He said my name so calmly, almost like he was suspecting I’d call.

“Um, yeah. Hi. Can you . . .” An excuse didn’t come to me. “Do you want to come back?”

He instantly sounded alarmed. “Is something wrong? Did you get a hold of Elodie?”

Elodie. Our ever-present liaison was there, again. He wasn’t asking about me, he was asking about her.

“No. Never mind. I . . .” The words felt like sand being poured down my throat. “Sorry for bothering you. I haven’t heard from her. Yeah, so bye.” I hung up and threw my phone back onto the bed. This time I wouldn’t forget where I put it.

Now that Kael and I weren’t hanging out, I got panicky about our situation. I felt the need to label it, to make it fit into this box that I had created in my mind of how we should be. We shouldn’t have kissed, even though it was by far the best kiss I had ever had. Literally in my existence. But now we were both ignoring that it even happened, and I began to question everything again. A feeling of rejection bore a hole in my chest. I hated the idea of embarrassing myself in front of him, as I had just done.

I tried to distract myself with physical activity, splashing water on my face and walking back to the living room to finish my toes and start on my nails. I turned the music up louder and desperately tried to think about something else. If my life were more interesting, I would have plenty of things to obsess over. Thinking I heard a knock at the door, I paused the music, but found silence. The crickets chirping around the yard were the only distant sound. I started the song again, the chorus played, and I sang along with Halsey until I heard the banging again.

“Karina?”

I couldn’t tell if I was imagining Kael shouting my name, but I made a promise to myself that if I was, I would eat a melatonin gummy, maybe two, and go to bed before my delusion got any worse. When I heard it again, I stood up, polish bottle in hand, and walked on my heels, trying not to mess up my toenails. He said my name again as I got closer to the door. When I opened it, he was holding his phone and it was ringing on speakerphone.

“The number you have reached—” The generic voicemail greeting began to recite a number. My number. I recognized it as it played between us. If I was a blabbering mess earlier, I couldn’t even imagine how I would seem now.

“Hey,” I said to him.

His eyes lit up again. “Hey?” He exhaled, and laughter followed.