The Falling (Brightest Stars, #1)(25)

His loaded response kept us both quiet as we turned onto my street.

I parked my car in the driveway. The wind whipped around us as I pulled the keys from the ignition. Dirt covered my windshield with each sweep of air. Paving my driveway was rapidly moving up on my to-do list.

As we climbed out of my car, his voice surprised me. “Do you date soldiers?”

I laughed, grabbing my purse from the back floorboard, and the wind helped me slam the car door.

“No way. I don’t date much . . . I mean, I could if I wanted to. I just don’t have the time. Or the energy. But no, I don’t date soldiers, ever. Like you said, what’s the point if they’re always gone and can die at any moment?”

Kael stared at me, our eyes touching in some odd sort of agreement. He was a soldier who didn’t allow intimacy into his life, and I was a messy twenty-year-old who hardly knew what intimacy meant, with a promise to never date a soldier. Problem solved. Not that there was a problem to begin with, but now I knew that I could truly tell this stranger anything, since he would always be that: a stranger.





CHAPTER NINETEEN




Elodie was asleep on the couch, her small body sprawled out at awkward angles. I sat my purse down on the floor, kicked my shoes off, and covered her with her favorite blanket. Her grandmother had made it for her when she was a kid. The stitching was really worn now, almost threadbare, but she slept with it every day. Her grandma had passed a few years back; Elodie cried every time she talked about her.

I wondered if she missed her family. She was literally on the other side of the globe from them and pregnant, with a husband away at war. She didn’t talk much about missing the life she had before becoming an Army wife. She didn’t mention her parents much, but I got the impression they weren’t keen on her running away to the U.S. with a young soldier she’d met on the internet.

I couldn’t say I blamed them. Elodie moved a little when I turned off the TV.

“Did you want to watch that?” I asked Kael. He was so quiet I forgot he was even here. I also forgot that he would be sleeping over at my house. He was holding the pie I’d brought back for Elodie that I had neglected to bring in from the car.

“No, it’s cool. Where should I put this?” he asked, looking down at his full hands.

Oh, this man of many words.

I continued, “Um, the fridge is fine.”

He walked through my house, boots off but full uniform still on.

“Do you need clothes to sleep in?” I asked. We were both in the kitchen now.

“I’ll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow.”

“I have some of my brother’s clothes here if you need something—”

“I’m fine. I’ve slept in this many times.” He pulled at the tan camouflage jacket.

Kael and I were only feet apart. His dark eyes were focused on me. I waited, thinking he had something to say, but no words came. Just those eyes reading my face. I was so tired that I barely had the strength to hide it. I felt like crying as he stared at me, though I had no idea why. The kitchen felt so small and I felt so weak; the pressure of being around my dad and Estelle for hours after a long day at work had worn me out.

“You okay?” Kael’s voice was soft, just enough to keep me standing upright.

I nodded and my eyes filled with tears. Why? What the hell is wrong with me? The more I tried to stop the tears, the more my eyes filled. I was beyond tired. Tired from working, from the stress of my bills piling up, from everything. I had forgotten that my brother was on his way and he still hadn’t called me.

“Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I blinked up at the dim ceiling lights. One was out. Of course it was.

“What did I tell you about ‘sorry’?” He half smiled and lifted his hand into the air between us, hesitantly petting my head.

The tears poured over at his gentle affection. He somehow knew that I needed someone to be there, to tell me things would be fine.

“Wow. I’m sor—” I stopped myself from apologizing again. He’s right, I do that a lot. Most of the women I know do.

“Almost did it again.” I smiled, pulling myself through my random meltdown in the center of the kitchen. It was a real smile. I was confused and frustrated and tired, but I wasn’t embarrassed. The thought that maybe I should be crossed my mind for only a brief moment. Embarrassment is one of the worst emotions people are forced to feel. I’ve spent my life trying to avoid it.

Abandoning his typical emotionally unavailable look, Kael offered a smile that was bigger than mine, still a tiny bit awkward but he held his composure. He had a few different levels of smiles. This one was probably a six, if I had to guess. I wondered if I would ever get to see his totally unabashed level-ten smile. Would I ever see this man full of happiness, with weightless shoulders? I shook my head at myself, forcing the thoughts into quietness.

“I’m going to go to bed. I had a really long day and I’m so tired that I’m all over the place.” I waved my hands between us, shifting the weight of my body to my left, and moved past him.

I purposely avoided eye contact and forced my gaze to follow the straight line ahead of me to my living room. I desperately hoped Elodie wasn’t awake and listening to us. She wasn’t really the sneaky type, though. She usually led with her opinions and voice. I admired it. Envied it, even.