The Ex Files (Ocean View #1)(67)

I make my decision.

“Send the email, Gabi.” My voice hurts as I say it, the words barbed and dipped in venom, but I spit them out, anyway.

“Cassie—”

“Please, Gabi.” Looking in my eyes, she must see something. Resolve or acceptance, I don’t know. But she nods before standing. “Thank you,” I whisper, loud enough for her to hear but not too much that I’ll lose it again as she walks away.

“Whatever you need, Cass. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

So do I, Gabi. So do I.





Thirty





-Cassie-





Late Wednesday night, not long before I’m about to pack up for the day, the front door slams against the wall and booted feet clump into my office, an angry man standing in them.

“What the fuck is this?” Luke is in my office, waving his phone in my face as if I can read it from there. But I don’t need to read it. I know what he’s angry about.

This afternoon, before Gabi left for a doctor’s appointment, she sent over the request to Luke regarding setting up a date with Maya. It didn’t take long after Gabi sent Maya the first request email for her to reply with a resounding ‘Yes!’

Who could blame her? He’s… Luke.

When she quietly, carefully told me Maya accepted the date request, I felt sick to my stomach, horrified I’d let this get this far. That I actually let him go. And then I remembered it’s for the best. I thought of him with his family, happy with his nieces, deserving the calm and happy joy I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of giving him. I resigned myself to the fact he’ll soon be someone else’s and gave Gabi a few options for places to make a reservation. As I went on with my day, that sick feeling stayed with me all afternoon.

It’s for the best.

But now he’s standing here, somehow having gotten past the first-floor security, finding our office and slamming the door open with anger burning his face. Clearly, I forgot to lock it, just another of my rules I’ve been breaking non-stop, it seems.

I’ve never seen him this angry, and if it wasn’t Luke in my doorway, I’d be scared.

“How did you get up here?”

“What the fuck is this, Cassie?” I sigh, trying to make it sound exasperated, as if I have no idea what he’s asking about, as if I’m exhausted by him and not… broken by him.

“What’s what?” He grabs his cell and brings it to his face.

“Let’s see—Good afternoon, Mr. Dawson. This is Gabrielle from The Ex Files. We believe we have found a great match for you and would love to work together to set your first date up. Please look over the resume for Ms. Richards and let me know if you’d be interested in a meeting and what days/times are best for you.’ What is this, Cassie?”

“It’s a letter from my assistant asking if you’d be interested in a match.” I move my eyes back to the blank piece of paper in front of me as if it’s more interesting than him. His boots clunk on the tile floor until he’s right in front of my desk.

“Look at me, Cass.” The order is soft, and I can’t ignore it. My eyes meet his and they’re pleading and hurt, the look cutting through me like a blade. The look that’s mirrored in my own soul right now, lost and aching. I did this. God.

If only he could see this is for the best, it’s to protect him. Because he deserves perfection. “What is this? Why are you matching me?”

“Because you’ve been approved to be an Ex Files match. You’ve completed your two dates with flying colors and are now in our system.”

“The fuck I am.”

“I’m sorry, were you not interested in being matched? I can remove you—”

“Yeah, you’d better fuckin’ remove me from your fuckin’ system. It’s you and me, Cass. No other fuckin’ matches.” God, this is what I was afraid of.

“Luke, we had an understanding.”

“No, you had some fucked-up idea you could get rid of me after those dates. Some fucked-up thought we weren’t as perfect as you fuckin’ know we are, that I’d just lie down and let you set me up after what we’ve been through.”

“That’s how this works.”

“You always fuck your clients?” I blanch and gasp, appalled he’d even say that.

“Of course not! I can’t believe you’d—” He walks around my desk to kneel before me, holding my hands in his and twisting my desk chair to face him.

“I know. It’s because I’m different. We’re different. I knew it from the first day, when I found you cryin’ on the side of the road. Walked to your car, had you yellin’ at me for showing up late, and I think I knew then. You were it for me, attitude and fuckin’ mascara face and all. You’re so damn scared, though. I want to help, Cass. I do. But I need you to fuckin’ work with me.” I stare at him, my eyes wide, completely speechless. I can’t… we can’t…

The truth is, I know if I let Luke in completely, gave him everything, and it ended, I’d be like my mom, broken and alone and miserable, wondering where I went wrong. I can’t live that life. I just… can’t do it.

“Luke, we’re not—” He stands, hands still in mine, now towering over me.