The Elder Blood Chronicles – Book Three(95)

“What just happened?” Emily asked softly sounding baffled.

“I just realized I must be the village nutter to actually think I could accomplish everything that is expected of me,” Jala answered in a choked voice. “I don’t want this,” she gasped.

“You don’t want what Jala?” Emily asked still sounding puzzled. The Blight’s voice was closer now as if she crouched beside her.

“Any of this. I don’t want to be anyone. I want to just…” Her voice trailed off as Jala realized she wasn’t sure exactly what it was she did want. Everything that mattered seemed unattainable. She wanted Finn and he was dead. She wanted her old home back and it was ashes. It was all out of reach.

“Emily, Marrow may I speak with Lady Merrodin for a time?” Jala looked up sharply at the sound of Valor’s voice. She hadn’t even heard the door open and yet there he stood quietly watching her.

“How long have you been there?” Jala asked softly her voice still choked with unshed tears.

“Long enough,” Valor replied quietly, his blue eyes flicking to Marrow.

“It’s not as if we don’t already know all of her problems, but fine. We will be just outside the door,” Emily snapped.

Valor watched silently as Marrow dropped heavily down from the bed and paced out into the hall. Turning, he closed the door behind them and walked over to stand above her. With a frown he looked briefly around the room and then dropped to sit beside her on the floor, his gaze roving over the pile of clothing and then moving back to study her midsection. “Used a bit of life magic eh,” he observed quietly.

“I have no idea why you sent them away. They have watched over me for the past three days. There isn’t much worse that I can show them,” Jala sighed.

Valor nodded slightly and pulled his knees up to his chest and leaned back against the wall beside the mirror. Still silent he brushed a bit of dust from the black linen of his trousers and rubbed at a scuff on his polished boots.

Jala watched him, her sniffles slowly receding and waited for him to begin speaking. With painstaking care he adjusted the cuffs of his jacket and then brushed a bit at one of the silver cufflinks still utterly silent. “I thought you wanted to speak with me,” Jala grumbled after a lengthy silence.

Valor looked up and raised a silver eyebrow. “Ahh. I thought from the way you looked when I entered the room that you needed to speak with me,” he corrected and smiled at her faintly. “Emily and Marrow would both happily abandon all of this and steal you away to live in the wild. None of this truly makes sense to them. They are too primal. They see you suffering and they don’t understand why you don’t simply walk away from it if it makes you miserable. It is possible that Marrow understands better but no doubt his opinion of the matter is the same.” Valor paused and sighed, his gaze flicking toward the door. “Neph would growl a lot should you try to speak with him, and Jail would lock it away in your mind so you didn’t dwell on your losses. Sovann would listen but with his appearance so similar to Finn I imagine his presence is like a knife in a fresh wound. That leaves me and Wisp, and I can fetch Wisp if you prefer to speak with her.” He paused again and rubbed his jaw, his gaze wandering toward the window. “If it helps any, I don’t want this either. I’d love to just disappear right now. I thought when Lord Elijah granted me the commission to lead that I could redeem myself, but when faced with it and those who know my sins; I find I’d rather just sit in the dark and drink. I have lived in Finn’s shadow for so long that I find it rather uncomfortable when the light shines directly on me now. Rather strange, really. I used to adore direct attention.”

“This is too much for me, Valor. All of this is. I don’t know how to do any of it,” Jala admitted weakly.

“Which part? Being a mother or being a High Lady?” Valor asked. There was no sign of judgment on his face and if he had lost any respect for her there was no sign of it.

“Can the answer be both?” Jala asked miserably. Reaching over she grabbed a random dress from the pile and wiped her face. Letting out a ragged breath she looked back up to Valor knowing she must look a sight. As usual he was immaculate in appearance, his hair perfectly pulled back and his clothes of the finest quality and clean.

“It can be,” Valor agreed with a nod and shrugged. “There really isn’t much you can do about either, though, Jala. You are quite pregnant and unless you give the child away, that makes you a mother. Do you have any intent on offering the child to another?”