The Crow King's Wife(42)

“Why? I’ve never been a loyal follower of luck. I show him the respect he is due, but nothing more. I highly doubt it is simply because my mother is such a loyal servant.” Neph rose from his chair as he spoke and stared hard at her forcing her to meet his eyes. He didn’t like the reaction she was showing to his question. It should have been a simple one to answer and yet she was acting as if he had just demanded her soul.

“Because it is the only thing he has ever been able to do to protect his child without taking away your future.” She answered quietly. “Had he been directly involved in your life or spoken the truth, everyone would have known you were not truly Ren’s son, and Ren would have killed you in return. The secret of who you truly were was the only thing that kept you safe.”

Neph stared at her in utter disbelief for a long moment before sagging back into his chair once more. His growing anger and suspicion had evaporated with her words and he honestly didn’t know how to react to this newest revelation. He stared blankly at the table for another few breaths, and probably would have stayed like that for far longer if not for the sound of her faint footsteps approaching. She took the seat across from him and leaned toward him across the table with a pleading look in her eyes. He could see the tears there still waiting to trace paths down her pale cheeks, but for now she was managing to hold them at bay.

“I don’t have the words to beg your forgiveness Neph. The best I can offer is an explanation, and pray that somehow you can understand. I didn’t have a choice in my marriage to Ren, and my heart was Fortune’s long before I was sent to Delvay. I gave him Kadan, and it was more than Ren ever deserved. You and Zyi were the children of my heart, and I would have done anything to protect you from Ren.” Her words faltered and she turned away from him as the first tears wet her cheeks. “I wasn’t strong enough to stand against him, and when Ren learned the secret there was nothing I could do.” She admitted softly.

“So you ran away instead and left us both to rot here with him!” Neph snapped. His fist slammed down on the table hard enough to rattle the beer mug and he glowered at her. “Where was Fortune’s luck when Zyi was hanging? Why didn’t the loving father protect his child then? She died in my arms!” His voice broke with the words and it took all of his will to resist breaking something to vent his frustration. “You cheated on a man like RenDelvayon and then left your bastards to suffer for your sins.” He declared in a snarl that sounded more animal than man.

“I didn’t run Neph.” She gasped and quickly reached across the table to take his hand firmly in her own. Her flesh was cold to the touch and she clung to him long enough for him to realize there was no pulse left in her body. Slowly her fingers unclenched and she waited until his anger had cooled to shock once more before waving a delicate hand at the painting. “He placed my ashes behind the painting. If you don’t believe me have a look for yourself. I doubt Ren troubled himself to move the urn. As I said, I wasn’t strong enough to stand against him, and I followed the same path as Zyi on my choices. When Fortune presented me with an opportunity to run, I ignored it, just as she did. I wouldn’t leave you and Zyi behind, no matter what it cost me.”

Neph’s attention shifted from the painting and then back to his mother as he slowly digested what she was saying. Shaking his head slowly he gaped at her. “So you are what? Some kind of ghost?” he asked in a faltering voice.

“Fortune took me from the Darklands and spared me the Dark Lady’s penance. He gave me the choice of returning to the Lifestream for my next life, or serving him. The choice was an easy one. So I serve him and exist by his power alone. I am here by his grace, most of the time I’m not quite so substantial.” She explained quietly. “There was no way to come to you sooner Neph or I would have. I couldn’t reveal myself with Ren alive and with the world in such chaos…” her voice trailed off and she carefully wiped the tears from her face.

“But you are crying. Can spirits even cry?” Neph protested and his gaze moved once more to the painting on the wall. Everything he had thought he had known about his mother had been twisted in his mind. As a child he had been told that she had run off, and then he had been told she was dead, and now he was being informed it was both. A slow ache built in his chest and he realized slowly that he would have rather she simply run from Ren rather than die for her children. If she had run, there still would have been hope that somehow things could be made right, but now, well death was terribly final for just about everyone aside from Jala.