The Crow King's Wife(36)

Shade studied her face and the set of her shoulders and knew without a doubt that something was wrong. “Did Caleb leave already?” He asked and wondered exactly how long he had been unconscious. If it had been for more than a day than the Arovan likely had left him behind to finish the mission alone, which meant Caleb was likely dead already.

“No, he is downstairs, and your goblin is asleep under the bed, so there is no need for you to worry about your companions. They are both fine.” Jala assured him as she returned with the glass and sat it down on the nightstand beside him. She settled on the bed once more and folded her knees to her chest. It was the posture of a frightened child, and the last thing he expected from Jala Merrodin.

“What’s wrong?” Shade asked quietly, though he wasn’t sure she would answer him. She had never been the sort for complaining, and he knew she would see talking about what was troubling her as either whining or complaining.

“Beyond the obvious fact that I nearly killed a friend with my request?” Jala asked with a sad smile then shrugged. “Too much to bother speaking about.”

“I doubt I’ll sleep for the rest of the night, and it’s been a while since we have had a lengthy conversation.” Shade pressed.

Jala shook her head and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Tell me what the Blights said. That is more important.”

Shade frowned at her but nodded slowly. “I had every intention of screaming at you over that whole matter, but seeing you like this I can’t summon the will for it. So answer a question for me instead of listening to me rant. Did you know the Morcaillo line controlled the Blights?” By her expression he didn’t need to her say anything he could see the guilt written clearly on her face.

“Had I told you and had you known when they scanned your mind they never would have believed you weren’t associated with your father’s plots.” Jala said hesitantly.

“Funny thing, they still didn’t think I was innocent despite my ignorance. I’ve spent the past three weeks hanging from a rafter in a barn because of my last name.” Shade informed her with more bitterness than he had intended to use.

Jala’s shoulders slumped further and he could see her eyes growing glassy. She slowly lowered her head to rest on the tops of her knees and let out a deep ragged breath. “I’m sorry Shade. I never should have sent you in there knowing what I did, but no one else…” her voice trailed off.

“No one else would have understood, or gone for you. I know, and I’m not holding a grudge, just a bit of anger.” Shade assured her. He was certain she was crying by the way her shoulders were shaking, but she was utterly silent. It bothered him more than he cared to admit that somehow over the months Jala had learned how to cry without making a sound.

“Every choice I make is the wrong one, and someone I care for always ends up suffering for it.” Jala said quietly and her voice quavered with the words.

“I hate seeing you like this, but I find relief in it at the same time. I had begun to think Jala had died and the only thing left was Lady Bendazzi.” Shade said quietly as he slid forward on the bed to sit cross-legged in front of her. “Look at me.” He ordered gently and she slowly raised her face to meet his eyes. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and he brushed them away gently. “I was your first friend right?” Shade asked quietly.

Jala swallowed heavily and nodded slowly. Her hair was a tangled mess and by the look of her face this was not the first tears she had shed tonight. He brushed a stray curl back from her face and smiled faintly at her.

“We have hit a few rough patches in our friendship. I have made some bad choices, and you followed a few paths I didn’t agree with fully, but here we are, and we are still friends through it all. So if you can tell anyone what is bothering you then it should be me. It’s obvious you aren’t talking with anyone else about it or you wouldn’t be in this state.” Shade said in the softest tone he could muster. By rights it should be Valor sitting in his place, and he wondered if that was the problem. Given the luck Jala had with love he hoped it wasn’t. He doubted she would let anyone close to her again if she parted ways with Valor.

“I miss him.” Jala said quietly and a flash of guilt crossed her face with the words. “And I have no right to say that. I am practically married and I shouldn’t be pining for someone that never loved me to begin with, but I am.” She admitted in a voice that was barely a whisper. “It feels like I killed him, and since I lost him I have shed more blood and killed so many…” her voice trailed off and she wiped at her tears. “When I think about how much it hurt to lose him, I begin to wonder how many I granted that same pain to when I killed all of those people. How many hearts did I break? How many lives did I utterly destroy?”