The Crow King's Wife(146)

“What do you mean at great cost?” Shade asked. He had to admit what Grim was saying had merit, but he didn’t like the idea of harmony having a price.

“Do you remember when you asked me if this was my true form in Rivana?” Grim smiled as he spoke and traced a finger across one of his high cheek bones. “I could see on your face then that you knew I was more than a simple Shifter. I have honed this body with every tool or spell I could find to suit me. Ryvenken, forgotten magic, amongst a few other things, basically anything I could do to improve what I was no matter what bargain I had to strike. Ryvenken for example feeds off of my soul, but to be more than what I was made it seem like a good trade at the time. You have to understand. I grew up in Arovan amongst Elementalists, and to them my druidic gifts were nothing. Yes I could shift to a wolf, but could I summon a storm or call an earthquake?” Grim smiled bitterly and shook his head slowly. “I was nothing to them. I was weak, pathetic, and not worthy of mention in their eyes. So as a child I pushed myself well past my limits to prove myself to a culture that didn’t understand me at all. Then I met Micah and he treated me well despite my differences. For a time that was enough and I grew to love him like a brother. Then Honor joined our circle and Micah grew somewhat distant, then Sebastian came and I slowly realized that while I loved Micah like a brother, he loved me like a well-crafted weapon. I was useful to him and he appreciated my value, but I was never an equal in his eyes. In some that might have bred resentment, but for me it was incentive to improve myself more. If I was the best I could possibly be I could keep Micah’s affection and force my father to acknowledge my worth in one breath. So I went beyond physical training and mundane spell casting and sought out ancient methods to find perfection.”

“I thought that you had Divine blood.” Shade admitted when Grim fell silent.

“If only.” Grim said ruefully then shook his head. “I am my own unholy creation and in many ways my desire to be more is exactly what has made me less. I focused so much on my strength and training that I failed to retain balance of spirit. I am fearless, but I am callous as well. I think that’s why Finn and I hated each other at first sight. We looked at one another and saw flaws where we expected to find perfection. We hated each other because we were the same sort of creature. He crafted himself in the arena and I spent years proving myself on the battlefield and in the end it at the same result. He became the most feared duelist in Sanctuary and I earned my reputation as the Bloody Huntsman. I am good at killing and I reveled in the blood just as much as he did, but for different reasons. For every enemy I slew I gained more of Micah’s favor and after a time there wasn’t a single person in Arovan that didn’t know my worth. The knights scoffed at Caleb Faulklin, but no one looked down their nose at the Bloody Huntsman.” Grim gave a bitter smirk and let out a slow breath before continuing.

“It wasn’t until I met Evanell that I realized there was at least one person that would appreciate me for what I was and not what I could do.” He gave a short bitter laugh and smiled widely. “In all honesty Evanell hated what I could do. She was a healer and I was two steps from being a bloodthirsty psychopath. I tried to court her and she pushed me away with both arms. In my persistence I discovered it was my career as a soldier that she hated more than anything else. So I left the Arovan Army and moved to Amdany. It took weeks to adjust to normal life and for a time it was nearly impossible to control my temper, but for Evanell I managed. She gave me harmony in life without having me to prove myself. She balanced what I lacked and when I was with her I was whole.” Grim paused and a look of grief filled his eyes as he folded his hands in his lap.

“From what Zoelyn says she was quite remarkable.” Shade offered quietly unsure what else to say.

Grim smiled faintly and nodded his head once before clearing his throat and continuing. “Once we were married Micah gave me the role of High Marshall of Amdany. I suppose he figured I was too useful to leave idle. Evanell didn’t care for it, but I wouldn’t refuse Micah anything. I drove off six invasions during my time as Marshall and everyone called me a hero for saving the people of Amdany. I didn’t do it for them though. There were only four people in that entire city that I gave a damn about. It was my territory the Reavers invaded and they died for trespassing. People gave it noble purpose and told stories about my heroics, but it wasn’t noble in the least. The Soulreavers died for being stupid enough to set foot on my shore. If they had invaded ten miles up the coast I wouldn’t have budged to stop them. Ten miles up the coast was not my concern.” Grim paused considering then shook his head slightly as he continued. “I don’t think Evanell ever realized that about me. I had balance when I was with her, but I hid what I lacked from her so she wouldn’t understand what I truly am. She always thought I was her equal, but I wasn’t. She was a much better person than I have ever desired to be. She wanted to save everyone, I don’t. I pretended to be what she wanted me to be, and she loved the mask I wore for her.” Grim fell silent and met Shade’s eyes once more with a look of utter sincerity.