The Christmas Bookshop(86)

‘Well, up to you.’

‘Come on,’ said Carmen. ‘You can do it.’

‘Are those your kids in the waiting room? Are you guys married?’

‘Sisters,’ said the girls at the same moment, squeezing hands.

‘Are they killing each other?’ said Carmen. ‘I’ll be back.’

‘But I’m not having this baby without an epidural,’ Sofia was saying in a wobbly version of her stern in-court voice. ‘I can’t. I’m telling you I can’t … aaaaargh!’

Carmen kissed Sofia’s sweating face briefly and dived back into the waiting room. Jack was fast asleep in a corner. Pippa was reading a book about reptiles and amphibians and taking notes. Phoebe was curled up on a chair. Carmen thanked the nurse and took over. As she sat next to the little girl, whose hair clumped frowsily all round her face, with the buttons on her nightgown done up wrongly, she saw she was crying.

‘Phoebs,’ whispered Carmen. ‘What’s the matter?’

They both shot a glance at Pippa, but she was across the room in front of the television, engrossed in what she was doing.

‘The new baby is coming,’ said Phoebe.

‘It is.’

Carmen took her onto her lap. She was a comfortable weighty feeling, and Carmen cradled her quite naturally. It was nice.

‘Everyone is going to love the new baby.’

‘They are,’ said Carmen. ‘But they won’t stop loving you.’

‘How do you know?’

Carmen thought about it.

‘Well,’ she said. ‘I’m the littlest too. And when I came along, do you think Grandma and Grandpa stopped loving Sofia? Your mum?’

Phoebe considered it. ‘No. But … ’

‘But what?’

‘But Mummy was nice.’

‘You’re very nice. I like you very much.’

Phoebe sniffed.

‘But … ’ she said. Her voice went very quiet and her face went very red. ‘Skylar said I was going to be fat.’

‘WHAT?’ said Carmen, louder than she’d meant to.

‘She said I was going to be fat and ugly and nobody would love me.’

‘When?’

‘After Halloween. When we had sweeties.’ She sniffed. ‘We were given sweeties! Everyone gets sweeties at Halloween.’

Carmen was so angry she could barely sit still.

‘She told you that at Halloween? And you’ve been carrying it around for months?’

‘I think everyone will love the new baby instead. The new baby won’t be fat.’

Carmen straightened Phoebe up until the child was sitting upright on her knee, and turned her round to face her. She looked her straight in the eye.

‘You,’ she said, ‘are beautiful. And perfect. And funny and smart and completely loveable. And do you know how I know that’s true?’

Phoebe stared straight into her eyes.

‘Because,’ said Carmen, ‘I don’t even like children. I never did.’

‘Is that why you never sent us presents or came to our birthdays?’

‘Absolutely. Couldn’t be doing with children at all.’ She paused and leaned in close. ‘But, Phoebe d’Angelo. My goodness, I like you. In fact, I love you, which is very annoying because it is going to cost me a fortune in presents.’

And she gave the child a huge hug. And whispered in her ear for good measure: ‘You will never be fat. And even if you were, that is also fine because you are beautiful to me.’

And Phoebe leaned in and said, ‘Are you going to buy presents for all the years you missed?’

And Carmen asked if it was okay if some of the presents were books and Phoebe said that would be fine.

Carmen cuddled and held the child until she fell asleep and soon afterwards Carmen’s parents arrived, and her mother’s heart nearly broke open seeing her wayward girl love her granddaughter, and there were hugs and imprecations all round, and Carmen’s dad found the beanbag in the corner of the room, took Phoebe and Jack under each arm and happily dozed off himself.



In the birthing suite, the midwife was not happy with Sofia, and was practically shouting at her.

‘Come on,’ she said. ‘You really have to push now. This baby wants out, Mum. You have to get on it. Come on.’

Sofia was still wobbling, tearful and wretched. Their mother was standing in a corner, not sure what to do, keeping out of the way. It wasn’t like Sofia to lose it, not at all.

‘But this isn’t how … ’ Sofia was wailing. ‘Federico isn’t here! And it’s too early! And I didn’t get an epidural! And it hurts and I’m so tired … ’

‘You have to,’ said the midwife. She turned to Carmen. ‘Can you get her a bit more motivated?’ she said in a low voice. ‘The heart rate is dropping a little on the monitor. I’d really like this baby out of here before we have to go full blues on everyone.’

Carmen didn’t know what this meant but it sounded bad. She had a plan.

‘Sofia,’ she said.

Sofia was writhing around.

‘Just … I’m too tired,’ she said, her voice fading away.

‘Well, here’s a thing,’ said Carmen. ‘I’ve just soothed Phoebe to sleep but she really needs you back, and pretty quickly. Because Skylar called her … fat.’