The Christmas Bookshop(81)

But Oke did see the pink flush in her cheeks, the surprise and, he thought, the happiness when she saw Blair was there. He’d known enough girls get crushes on him in his own sphere to know what they looked like.

And now he was on the other end. The utter, soul-destroying disappointment.

Of course he’d seen them having coffee, but he hadn’t … I mean, she’d come to Camera Obscura. It hadn’t been a date. Not then. But he remembered her face in the church, listening to the music.

Before Carmen had even had a chance to tear her gaze away from Blair and guide Mr McCredie to the front of the shop where he could give a speech, Oke had turned around and quietly exited the shop, already in his head writing the email where he turned down another term’s teaching. No. Enough. He was far from home and had his head turned, that was all. It was snowing again. This country was freezing. He should go home to S?o Paolo; his family missed him. See his sisters. Take the presents, even. See his nieces and nephews grow. Catalogue his new samples. Work.

There was lots to do. He turned just at the foot of the steps. The bookshop was glowing golden and silver, full of happy people chatting and celebrating the time of year. The lights overhead on the Christmas stars that were hung all the way up the street, as if it wasn’t already pretty enough, twinkled and glowed. It was like being inside a Christmas card.

But he did not celebrate Christmas. Quietly and, for Oke, slowly, he loped up the steps, home towards the halls of residence towering high above.





‘Babe! Tell me you’ve been misbehaving!’

Blair grabbed Carmen just after Mr McCredie gave a lovely speech where he thanked everyone for their neighbourly support up and down the street, and the biggest round of applause was kept for the new windows and displays – ‘all done, of course, by Carmen Hogan’ – which made her very happy and blush all at once. She wished suddenly that Sofia could have come, even if her bump would barely fit in the door, then felt angry again when Mr McCredie thanked Sofia too, and she remembered that this entire thing had been Sofia’s idea, that she had been right all along. And where was Oke? She couldn’t see him anywhere.

Blair had sidled towards her.

‘Babe! I am bored out of my mind. Can we shake this hellhole?’

Carmen looked at him.

Even though it had only been a week, he seemed smaller somehow, a little pouting around the mouth.

‘Come on – let’s just go.’

‘It’s my party!’ said Carmen stiffly. ‘I can’t go.’

‘Sure you can! Let’s ditch this joint and go and hang out, just the two of us.’

She frowned at him.

‘What about Skylar?’

‘What about her?’ He shrugged. ‘Come on. Let’s go and have fun.’

‘This is fun.’

Carmen was amazed at herself. For so long, it had been her dearest wish for someone to take her away from all of this, to do some wild and crazy things, to take her away from her life – it had been her dream. All she wanted.

But now, suddenly, all she could do was think of how lovely the bookshop was looking, and worry about Mr McCredie, and wonder where … just where was Oke?

She couldn’t get his face out of her head, and his take on all the things that she normally accepted day to day, challenging her way of looking at life – he saw everything with fresh eyes. In a way that didn’t make him a rube, or unsophisticated, or any of those other things she judged him on because of his shoes. Because he was just himself, at all times. His life was simpler, because he was never trying to be anything – a celebrity, like Blair, or some kind of Instagram yoga bunny like Skylar, or a have-it-all type like Sofia. Or even her, Carmen, just trying to pretend she was getting on all right. When she knew she wasn’t.

She blinked, as Skylar spotted her there and dashed up and grabbed Blair possessively by the arm. He barely glanced at her.

‘Hi, Carmen,’ she said loudly.

‘Hello, Skylar,’ said Carmen. It was the weirdest thing: seeing Skylar’s face, she suddenly felt a burden lifted. It was fine. It was okay.

‘Have you seen Oke?’ she asked Skylar politely. Skylar shrugged.

‘Oh, no,’ she said, casually. ‘Why, were you really hoping he’d come?’

Carmen looked straight at her.

‘Yes,’ she said.



She escaped into the quiet street for a breath of fresh air. The party was thinning out. Well. He hadn’t come. That was okay. Maybe parties weren’t really his thing. But then he’d been at Bronagh’s party.

She had missed him. Dahlia wasn’t here either: maybe he was out with her. The thought grabbed at her heart with far more force than she had expected.

As if she’d summoned her, she saw Dahlia trudging up the street from the coffee shop.

‘Hello!’ she said. Dahlia sniffed.

‘What’s up?’ Carmen said. ‘Are you going to see Oke?’

The girl turned red again.

‘No!’ she said. ‘He’s all yours!’

She looked tearful again.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I really, really liked him!’ said Dahlia, choking. ‘But he said he couldn’t ever date me. Because … he’s a lecturer. And he can’t date students.’