The Certainty of Violet & Luke(4)

‘I thought you said you needed to catch up on school work?’

‘I’m more concerned with just getting you home safely … and without doing anything irrational.’ He tucks a strand of my red and black hair behind my ear.

I’m not sure if he means it the way that I take it. Luke knows my dirty little secret, that I push the boundaries of life, seeking adrenaline over emotion. Fear over pain.

‘I’m okay, Luke, I promise.’ I’m trying to let him off the hook. Take a break from babysitting me but he seems unwilling to take it.

He shakes his head and pulls me toward him until I can feel the heat of his breath on my face and almost taste his lips. ‘I said I’m not leaving without you.’ Then he kisses me, just a quick feather light kiss, but enough to make me zone out of reality. ‘Now please just quit being a pain in the ass and come home with me.’

I’m about to give into him, but then I see his expression. The way he’s looking at me, like I’m everything to him, and it makes me want to run. Away from him. From this place.

Run.

Run.

Run.

Because I know that once I go home and the silence sets in, everything will set in.

And I hate myself for it, but in the end, I’ll do anything to feel nothing.





Chapter 2


Luke


It’s really f*cking late and all I want to do is go home. I thought I had Violet with the whole baby remark, but then something I said made her panic and suddenly she’s headed to get more drinks. It’s killing me to watch her drown her pain in alcohol – I understand the need way too well. Watching her go through this has made staying sober easier, though, because I have to have a clear head for her. It’s not a f*cking cakewalk, though. My mind still does drift toward the blissful taste of alcohol whenever I’m near it. But what gets me through it, stops me from taking a sip, is reminding myself that I care for Violet; that I owe her everything after what my mother took from her.

I’ve been keeping an eye on her for most of the party. It’s kind of become a routine for the last couple of weeks. She gets drunk and I’m there to take care of her. But I messed up tonight when I got sidetracked by a conversation with Drey Filtphermen about this year’s season and how we’re going to ‘kick ass.’

I nod as, half listening, I scan the crowd for Violet. ‘Yeah, we should do good.’ The last thing on my mind right now is football.

Drey nods and then throws back a shot. ‘What? You not drinking tonight?’

I shake my head. ‘Nah, I’m DD.’ Huh. Never thought that sentence would ever come out of my mouth.

He looks at me like I just said gravity doesn’t exist or something. ‘Really?’

I shrug. I don’t blame him for wondering what’s up. I’m infamous for my ability to get trashed and scare. But I don’t do that anymore, and I wish people would stop defining me as the intense, angry, manwhore drinker. ‘I gotta find someone,’ I say, barely paying attention when Drey yells out something else. I maneuver my way through the crowd of people smelling a lot like tequila shots, sweat and need, and finally find Seth chatting it up with Greyson in the corner of the room.

‘Hey, have you seen Violet?’ I interrupt their conversation, but I know them well enough that it doesn’t matter. Seth and Greyson are Violet and my roommates and both are people I consider friends. They know what’s going on in Violet’s life enough to understand that not being able to find her is probably not the best thing.

Seth points toward the hallway. ‘The last time I saw her she was going to the bathroom.’

I head in that direction while Greyson calls out, ‘Everything okay?’

I glance over my shoulder and nod, but it feels like I’m the biggest f*cking liar in the world. ‘Yeah, just need to find her. That’s all.’

‘Well, if you need any help, just let me know,’ he says, taking a swig from his bottle of water.

I nod then hurry down the hallway to the bathroom area. There’s a line forming outside it and I get a lot of curses thrown at me as I walk right up to the bathroom door and knock on it. ‘Violet, are you in there?’

There’s a pause and then I hear a muffled, ‘Yeah.’

Relief washes over me. I didn’t even realize how nervous I’d been for losing track of her until now. I try the doorknob, but it’s locked, so I knock again and call out, but this time she doesn’t respond. Thankfully the lock’s fairly simple and I’m able to unlock it with a quarter. I get yelled at by some guy as I step inside the bathroom, but when I give the culprit my go f*ck yourself look, he cowers back and I slam the door shut behind me. The bathroom is small, so I shouldn’t have trouble finding her, but at first glance I can’t see her in there anywhere.