The Blessed Curse (The Elder Blood Chronicles, #4)(120)
“You are so beautiful,” Yasny corrected softly and smiled at her once more. “Well, get changed, girl. With luck, I can get your hair fixed and have you perfect by the time Seth returns, and won’t he be surprised to see you looking so beautiful. There is no way he will be able to ignore you after this,” she promised.
*
Seth slumped against the door as the last of the visions in the room faded. Anger and grief warred in his mind as he waited for the seal on the door to release. He wasn’t sure how much more of his past he could face, but Finn had been adamant about the penance. Considering his actions, though, Seth supposed it was the most lenient punishment the Lord of Death could give, and despite the pain of remembering, he was grateful. Relief washed through him as the door gave behind him and he stumbled into the hallway. Quickly, he rubbed his face and did his best to erase all signs of anguish from his features. Zoey would be awake by now and he didn’t want her to see him looking so pathetic.
“Are you OK, Seth?” Her voice brought his head up sharply and he stared in stunned silence at her form in the doorway of his rooms. It was like looking at a ghost and after the time in penance it was a fresh wound that he couldn’t ignore. The dress she wore had been Dashara’s and her hair was the same deep red. He had never seen Zoelyn’s hair any color but black or white, and she had never fixed it as she wore it now. His gaze trailed across the delicate braids and then down to her face and his shock gave away to anger. There was no way she could have done this by accident. There were just too many details for it to be unintentional.
“What are you doing, Zoey?” Seth asked coldly as he met her eyes and held her gaze.
“I came to find you.” Her voice was hesitant and a wave of confusion crossed her features.
Uncertainty rose in his mind and his anger wavered. “Why are you dressed like that?” he asked cautiously. He tried to keep the desperation from his voice. He needed her to answer in innocence. He didn’t want to believe she was intentionally trying to cause him more pain, not after everything he had put aside to keep her happy. It had taken all of his will to stay rational when facing Neph, but he had done it for her. Despite what he thought of the man, he knew Zoelyn cared for everyone she had lived with in Merro.
“I wanted you to notice me,” Zoelyn murmured and took another half-step into the room. “I was afraid you only saw me as a child, and I wanted you to see me as more,” she added in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
“What else could I see you as, Zoey? You are a child, though you have never showed it as clearly as you are now. Do you not realize what I am, you stupid little girl?” Seth snarled. She flinched at his voice and he instantly regretted his tone. This was not something he could face rationally right now and he knew simply walking away would be his best option, but he couldn’t take his eyes from her.
A breath of desire rose in his chest and his anger redoubled. He didn’t need this, not with everything else. He already cared too much for her, though he hadn’t realized it until she had been wounded. The sheer terror that had seized him when he saw her fall had prompted his actions, despite how wrong they were. To save her, he had been ready to face any punishment Finn chose, but once she was safe, that knowledge had terrified him. If he let this go farther, Zoelyn was one step closer to becoming a memory to haunt him in his room of penance. That’s always how it worked. Everything he ever cared for ended up dead and the only way to save her was to push her away now.
“I know what you ar, Seth,” Zoelyn answered at last. He could see the courage it was taking for her to speak, and a part of him twisted in disgust for his actions. “You aren’t what they call you, Seth. I know you better than that. You aren’t a demon,” she added and took a hesitant step toward him.
“Do you?” Seth snapped, his eyes flashing once more. The desire to comfort her was so strong it almost crushed his anger, but he forced it down. All he had to do was look at her now and remember Dashara to know how it would end for her if he caved in now. He knew she cared for him, and he had fed on that to reach his goals. He had never even considered that he might grow to care about her, though. He had thought he was past that.
“I do,” Zoelyn replied and took another slow step toward him. “You saved me and you have protected me. You aren’t what they say you are, Seth,” she added with a bit more confidence in her voice.
“You don’t know me, Zoey,” Seth hissed as he grabbed her arm and pulled her closer. He had to act now before he lost his nerve. Turning quickly he pressed his palm flat on the raven carved door and willed it to open. “You are about to, though, and maybe it will bring you to your senses,” he snarled as he shoved her into the room in front of him. He had never shared his memories before, but this was the quickest way he could think to save them both. Once she saw what he really was she would be disgusted, and once he saw that look on her face he could quit caring about her.
Focusing his will he summoned the earliest of his memories. “Do you want to see me as the child whore, Zoey?” he asked as images of a much younger Seth formed. “Do you want to know how I served the Avanti in the beginning?” He grabbed her by the jaw and held her face, forcing her to watch as the child image of him writhed beneath his former master with tears coursing down his small face.