The Bet: A Bully Romance(45)

After a few minutes, I force myself to get up and go into my room. I take a hot shower hoping I can wash away the feeling of his touch on my skin. Unfortunately, no amount of soap or water could do that. The memory of that night is ingrained in my mind, no matter how hard I try and forget it. Unable to hold myself together, I sob quietly into the spray of water.

I never should’ve come here...first everything with Remington, and now Cole. I should have known better. I swipe at the tears, willing myself to stop crying. I’m stronger than this. When I’m finished, I dry off and lock myself in my room. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I think about calling Seb, but when I imagine telling him what happened, I can’t bring myself to pick up the phone. I don’t want to relive this, I just want it to stop.

I want Cole to go away, his memory to disappear. I think about calling Remmy, but I don’t even have his number and even if I had it, I’m not sure I could bring myself to tell him either. Seeing how he reacted that night, I’m afraid to see what he would do now.

How far would he go? I can't have that on my conscience. The easiest thing is to just leave it alone. Maybe I can see about switching classes? I take a couple calming breaths to stop myself from having a full-on panic attack then I get dressed and sit down at my little desk, gazing down at all my homework.

Only after I’ve been staring at it for what feels like an hour, do I admit to myself that I can’t do any of it right now. My mind is too full to concentrate on math and bio.

I let my head fall onto the desk and close my eyes trying to clear my mind, I think about anything else that will come to mind, chocolate cake, my brother, Remington, but nothing helps.

All I see is Cole above me, his lust filled gaze piercing mine. All I feel are his hands on my skin...his finger biting into my flesh. It feels like I’m suffocating, the fear of the unknown crippling me. For hours, I sit on my bed, crying, wishing I could turn back time and change what happened. I hear Cally and Bridget walking around the house, talking to each other but I don’t go out to see them.

There’s no way I could handle seeing them right now, not without breaking down and telling them what happened. So instead I stay barricaded in my room...attempting to ignore their presence altogether.

It grows harder and harder to do and I almost break down when Cally knocks on my bedroom door to ask if I’m hungry. I bite my tongue and ignore her while silent tears slip down my cheeks.

After a while, I hear them going into their rooms and only then do I check the time. It’s a little past ten and I wish I could close my eyes and go to sleep, but I don’t even try. Cole’s image haunts me every time I close my eyes. Another hour passes, and I can’t take it anymore, the walls of my room are closing in around me. The dread and loneliness in my gut becoming too much to handle. I need someone…someone who understands me, and makes me feel safe, someone who was there that night. Remington. I pull on a sweatshirt over my flannel pajamas and put on my sneakers before unlocking my door.

I walk out into the hall, and then the living room. The house is quiet and dark, but I try not to get hung up on it. I just move quicker than normal. With nothing but my keys and my phone, I run across campus just as I did earlier today, without stopping for anything until I’m standing in front of Remmy’s place, my heart in my throat, and my lungs burning.

I knock on the door with a shaky hand, almost regretting my decision to come here. I hear footsteps approaching the door and I pray that it’s Remmy behind that door, but when it swings open, I see it’s Thomas on the other side.

“Oh, hey Jules…”

I don’t even answer him. I just duck under his arm and push into the house, running straight for Remmy’s room. When I reach the door, I turn the knob to open it, but it doesn’t open. Why is it locked? Panic claws at my insides. What if he isn’t here, or doesn’t want to see me? What if Layla is here?

I keep wiggling the knob as if it will magically unlock while slamming my palm against the wood. I can feel the stinging of tears in my eyes, and like a total loser, I stand there continuing to beat against the door.

Several seconds later the door opens and an angry looking Remmy appears before me. The moment he sees me, his features soften, worry creasing his forehead.

“What’s wrong, Jules?” I fall into his room and into his arms without answering him.

I’m only partially aware of him closing the door and half carrying me to the bed. I’m too consumed by him, how I’m finally in his arms, my face buried in his chest, just like I wished to be all day. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tighter and for the first time today, I feel safe. Inhaling his scent calms me further and my eyes drift closed, suddenly feeling heavy with exhaustion.

“Jules, you need to tell me what’s wrong. I’m kind of freaking out here. Did something happen?” He gently rubs small circles against my back. I’m close to breaking down and telling him about Cole cornering me, but I just can’t get the words out, my tongue too heavy, my throat clogged with too much emotion. I feel weak and disgusted with myself even though I know it’s Cole that I should be disgusted with and not myself.

“I… I just had a bad dream,” I lie. “I got scared and I wanted to see you. Is that okay?” At least that part isn’t a lie.

“How did you get here?”

“I walked,” I admit and at my confession, Remmy’s pulling away, holding me at arm’s length, his eyes roaming over my face, inspecting me from head to toe. His chest rises and falls angrily, and I don’t understand what his problem is.