The Bet: A Bully Romance(31)

My stomach churns thinking of what his reaction will be when I show up at his house tomorrow. Will he tell me to leave? Will he end up fighting with his brothers all over again? What will his father say? All of these questions are hurting my head more. I can’t focus on them, not right now. Plugging my cell phone into the charger, I lie down, curl into a ball and wish like hell that I was back in Remington’s arms, with his warm body pressed against mine.

“I love you…” I told him, and the words were still true…I did still love him, and probably would die still loving him. But Remington was like Pandora’s box, and every time I opened him up, I wasn’t sure what I would get. Closing my eyes, I wish for sleep to come...but it never does.

◆◆◆

“How was your weekend?” Sebastian asks from the driver's seat of his SUV. Music from the radio filters quietly through the speakers, but all I can do is focus on the tightening knot of fear in my belly. Am I about to ruin everything by going to their house for dinner? Remington hasn’t messed with me in days, didn’t even attempt to talk to me until yesterday and now... now I was going to be giving that up for a visit with his family.

He would retaliate, lash out and hurt me.

“Fine.” I shrug, refusing to talk to him about the party, or any topic remotely close to it.

“Fine? That’s it?” He gives me a look that all but calls me a liar. “You never were a very good liar, Jules.”

My cheeks heat, knowing he can see right through me. Each of the Miller boys are good at that, seeing right through your bullshit.

“It was fine,” I say, trying to make it sound a little more believable.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “No offense, Jules, because you’re beautiful no matter what, but you look like you went through a blender. There are bags under your eyes, and you just seem so heartbroken. Is Remington still messing with you?”

How did he know Remington was messing with me?

“He’s going to be so angry...angry that I showed up, angry that I’m ruining your dinner.” I break, letting a sliver of my fear and worry out.

“So this is about him?”

“What...no...it’s not. I mean kind of, but not really. He’s just...he’s Remington and we don’t exactly have a good history.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Your history is fine. Rem is just an idiot who is too dumb to admit what he wants. He’s hurt and like a typical male, the first thing he does is run, and ask questions later.”

“He literally hates me, Seb.”

“No, he doesn't. He wants you to think he hates you. There is a difference, sis.” It’s my turn to roll my eyes, and I do, because as much as I love Sebastian, he has no idea the shit storm I have had to endure when it comes to his brother. Sebastian has loved only one girl in his life, and she’s dead now, so his advice, though sweet isn’t helpful.

If Remington ever loved me, even a little bit, I wouldn’t ever be able to tell, at least not since last night. Everything he does is to hurt me, in one way or another.

“What do you know about relationships? I haven’t seen you date a woman since—” My words cut off. His hands tighten on the steering wheel and for a moment, I think Sebastian might be angry. It’s very rare that you see him mad, mad enough to snap.

“You’re right. Dating isn’t really my thing, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t know what I’m talking about. I know my brother. I know you. I know that you both are still very much in love with each other. He just needs to let go of the past, let go of what you did to him.”

My head snaps to the side. “What I did?” I’m kind of angry now. “I didn’t do anything. My parents forced me to move. I wanted to try and make things work...as friends. I didn’t know he wanted to be together like that, we hadn’t talked about it yet.”

But we often acted as a couple, at least now that I think back on it. There were many times when I thought we would be more, but we never actually went further than some innocent kisses and I know that was all mostly my own doing.

I was afraid…of love, of falling for my best friend.

“He wanted you, even then, hell even now. It was always you, Jules, and it will forever be you. The heart wants what the heart wants, and Remmy wants you.”

“He couldn’t have fooled me with the way he’s been acting.”

I know Sebastian isn’t lying. It was very clear to me that Remington wanted something more, but I was always so afraid of losing him as a friend that I tried to ignore it. He never went on dates, or even out with his guy friends and when he did, he always brought me with. Up until the day I left, we were best friends, and deep down, I knew we were in love. But I still didn’t understand how in his eyes this ended up being all my fault.

As soon as we pull into the subdivision, everything inside me starts to twist. My heart hurts, my lungs won't fill with air. I don’t know what the hell is happening, but I want it to stop. Sebastian’s face fills with concern as he looks between me and the road.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Jules?” I can’t answer him. I don’t know what to say. I’m okay, but am I really okay?

“I’m just nervous. I don’t want to make anyone mad or ruin your Sunday dinner. I know how important these things are to you guys.”