The Atonement (The Arrangement, #3)(19)

“Dylan, wait—”

He turned back around, the door still open. “You know, you say you know what this feels like, but if that’s true…you’d have to be the most selfish person on the planet to do it anyway.”

His words sucked the air from my lungs. I took a step back, bitter tears burning my eyes. I was powerless to stop him from leaving the room, to stop him from leaving me.

Just like I’d been powerless to stop Peter.

A hand on my back caused me to jolt, and I looked over, realizing Riley was standing next to me. His smile was small and sad, and I wanted to bundle him up and take all the pain away from him. From all of them.

“I’m so sorry, bud.” I dropped to my knees and let his head rest on my shoulder, no longer worried about the filthy carpet as I wrapped my arms around him, comforting his silent tears. “I’m so sorry.”

I heard the bed shift under Maisy’s weight and felt her hand in my hair. They were comforting me as much as I was comforting them at that moment. When I looked up, she rested her head on my opposite shoulder, hugging me back.

“It’s all going to be okay,” I vowed. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but I promise you, it’s all going to be okay.”

Somehow, someway, I’d make sure that was true.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN





PETER





I parked at the end of the cul-de-sac where Adele lived, watching the house for Ainsley and the kids carefully. Every time a curtain moved or a light switched on, my chest filled with hope, only to be let down when I caught a glimpse of my mother-in-law rather than my wife or kids.

As the cul-de-sac grew dark, I began to notice strange looks from neighbors walking their dogs or bringing out their garbage cans. When a porch light at the house I was parked in front of flicked on and a man and woman appeared in the illuminated doorway, staring at me and talking among themselves, I started to worry about what they might do. If they called the cops, how would I explain this?

Sorry, Officer, my wife tried to kill me and took off with my kids, so I’m just trying to track her down. Not to worry. Have a great night.

My fears weren’t justified, though. It seemed they had no intention of calling the police and were much more the type to handle things themselves when the man—a beefy guy with a thick neck and no shirt to cover the dark hair on his chest—lumbered toward my car. I avoided eye contact, pressing the phone to my ear as if I were talking on it. My heart thudded in my ears as he grew closer.

And closer.

And closer.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

“Can I help you, buddy?” he shouted through the thick pane of glass separating us.

I didn’t dare roll down my window. “Excuse me?” I pulled the phone away from my ear, covering the screen with my hand as if he’d interrupted my imaginary phone conversation.

“Why are you sitting outside my house? You’ve been here all afternoon and evening. You spyin’ on us or somethin’?”

“Spying?” I scoffed. “No. I don’t even know you. I’m waiting for someone.”

“Well, wait for ’em somewhere else, before I call the cops.”

“It’s a public street,” I said, shaking my head, but I started the car anyway.

“Public street down there, too. Get outta here.” He walked away, waving an angry hand over his head and mumbling to himself. The woman was still watching me cautiously, moths buzzing around her head in the porch light.

I eased the car forward slowly, trying to decide my next move. I wanted to stay and wait for Ainsley to return, but a huge part of me felt like I already knew she wasn’t coming back.

Likely, I’d spooked her by showing up and talking to Adele. If Adele had warned her…

I’d known it was a risk leaving when Adele sent me away, but I didn’t have a choice. Though I was still in the rental car, if Ainsley saw any strange car there, she wouldn’t have come home. If she recognized me, she would’ve driven away, and then I really would’ve lost her.

Now, if I had any hope of her coming back at all, I needed to make her think I was giving up. I needed her to trust that I believed she wasn’t there.

I eyed the grocery sack in the seat beside me.

If she could only see how hard I was trying.

I pulled out of the subdivision and along the street in front of a house that looked empty, digging my phone from my pocket.

I dialed Dylan’s number, listening to it ring four times before going to voicemail. Why did he hate me? What had she done? What sort of poison was Ainsley giving the children about me? What sort of lies would make them ignore their own father’s phone calls?

Whatever they were, I had secrets of my own I could share with them, if that’s how she wanted to play.

I’d thought we were better than that, but with every unanswered call or text, I was beginning to see that wasn’t the case. I wouldn’t have my children hating me, even if that meant turning them against their mother.

Even if that meant bringing her down in a way I desperately didn’t want to do. Once, Ainsley had fought for us in a way that had changed everything. If it came to it, I would be willing to do the same this time.

I pulled up the banking app on my phone and logged into our account, hoping—but not counting on the fact—that she’d have used the card somewhere that might give me a hint of where she might be. I didn’t assume my wife was foolish enough to put another hotel on our debit card, now that she knew I was looking for her, and I’d put a freeze on our two other credit cards, hoping to narrow down the places I’d have to search. Our main credit card was nearly maxed out from the rental car payments.