The Anti-Boyfriend(53)
He flicked his tongue to nudge my mouth open wider. His chest pressed into mine, my back still against the brick of the building. Deacon’s heart beat rampantly as our tongues circled in frantic competition. I lifted my hands and placed them around his head, pulling him deeper into me and inhaling his heady scent. The vague sense of people passing us registered, as did the muffled sound of talking around us.
His groan vibrated down my throat as he fisted my hair. “Fuck, Carys.”
I could feel his erection through his pants as it rubbed against me. My clit was throbbing with need. If he’d wanted to take me on this damn sidewalk, pretty sure I would have let him.
An indeterminate amount of time passed, our kiss lasting what felt like several minutes, neither of us willing to stop. I was certain this was going to make his leaving even worse for me, but that wasn’t enough to pull me away. Nothing could have torn me from the delicious taste of his hot lips or his intoxicating scent.
Deacon finally broke our kiss, but not before returning his mouth to mine to bite my bottom lip before letting it go.
He panted as he placed an arm on either side of me, locking me in against the wall. “Your fucking lips. I’ve dreamed about doing that for so long. And it was even better than I imagined. I could kiss you forever.”
“I wish you hadn’t stopped,” I said, my hands still wrapped around the back of his neck.
The streetlights reflected in his eyes. “I’m gonna go back in there and apologize to my friends, let them know I have to leave early. Half of them are so sloshed they won’t even care. Then I want you to come back to my apartment so we can talk. Okay?”
I had no clue what was left to talk about, but I nodded in agreement, still dazed as he walked away. I rubbed my bare arms as I waited.
A few minutes later, Deacon reappeared and grabbed my hand as I followed him to the curb. As luck would have it, an empty cab approached almost immediately. Deacon lifted his arm to flag it down. We both got in, and he gave our address to the driver.
I couldn’t believe he’d left his own party. Deacon gripped my hand as we sat close together in the backseat. His leg against mine was enough to keep my entire body on alert. I wanted to straddle him right here. But the vibe he gave off right now was not exactly a sexual one. I wished he would kiss me again, but he faced away. He seemed tense as he looked out the window, his knee bopping up and down. Whatever he wanted to say was clearly weighing on his mind, and he stayed that way—distant—the entire ride home.
After paying the cab fare, we exited the vehicle and made our way inside the building and upstairs. It felt strange passing my apartment without stopping in to check on things. Deacon fumbled with his keys before he finally managed to open his front door.
My heart pounded as I entered his place. It was the first time I’d ever been inside it alone, without Sunny. I got a look at myself in the mirror just inside his door, the one I knew my daughter loved. My lips were swollen, my lipstick smudged, my hair a mess. What is happening tonight?
Deacon still seemed tense as he threw his keys on the table. He hadn’t said a word to me since we left the restaurant. I looked around at his barren apartment. A box of stuff he’d apparently planned to ship to Japan sat on the floor. There was a large suitcase in the corner—no photos or artwork hanging. It made me incredibly sad.
“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.
“Maybe some water.”
I followed him into the small kitchen, noticing for the first time how similar the layout was to mine.
Deacon took a glass out of his cabinet before opening the fridge and pouring filtered water out of a jug. He handed it to me and watched as I drank it down in one long gulp. The water felt like rainfall over a desert.
He held out his hand to take the empty glass. “More?”
“No. Thank you,” I said, handing it back.
He slammed the glass down on the counter, harder than he’d probably intended to. His chest heaved as he stood across from me.
“Tell me to stay,” he finally said.
My eyes went wide. “What?”
“I haven’t been honest with you, Carys.”
“Okay…” My heart thundered against my chest.
“I’ve given you the impression that there are things more important to me than you—like the job I accepted or the money. But all I’ve wanted is to be with you. I’ve told you before that I struggle with my feelings for you, but I made it sound like something I could control or dismiss. But I want you, Carys. Not just as a friend, but in every way—and not telling you that has been a lie of omission.”
Even though I should’ve said something, nothing would come out. I was in shock.
“After I officially accepted the position, I got this sinking feeling that I’d just made a huge mistake. It’s gotten worse every day. But here’s the thing: I’m a risk, Carys. A huge risk. I don’t know that I’m right for you. And I sure as hell can’t assure you I won’t fuck everything up eventually.” He moved closer. His lips were almost on mine when he said, “But I want to stay. I just need to know that’s what you want. It might be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make, but if you tell me to stay, I will.”
My heart pounded. “I’ve wanted to tell you to stay from the second you told me you were leaving. But I never thought it was an option. I thought this job opportunity meant a lot to you.”