Such a Fun Age(61)

“Oh, yeah, it’s the midday mommy-and-me one you suggested a long time ago. So the lights will be on and she can move around or whatever.”

“Neat!” Had Alix really just said neat? Alix kept her smile broad, but inside she was wondering, How are we talking about movie showtimes right now? Emira and Briar needed to stay inside the house. Alix had put Catherine down early for this reason: she and Emira had a lot to discuss. “I’ve been meaning to try that out,” she said. “It might just be on Tuesdays, though. But you know what—I can just give you the Amazon password if you guys want to snuggle up and do a movie here instead—”

“Can I just check and see?”

Emira always asked Alix if she could use the computer (Can I make sure my train is still running? Can I check to see if it’s going to rain?), but now, Alix watched her sitter shake the mouse and hit the keyboard with such familiarity that it made Alix’s head tilt hard to one side. Emira made two more clicks. “Perfect,” she said. “It starts at twelve forty-five.”

“Oh, great.”

“I’m just gonna email the address to myself really quick.”

“Mama?” Briar called, holding her blond ponytail in her hands. “Some fishes has no feet or tails? And that’s . . . that’s just how they are.”

“That’s very true,” Alix said. “Emira, that sounds great. I think it’ll be really fun. But do you mind if we talk for a second?”

Alix watched Emira click Send on an email before she turned around. “Sure, what’s up?”

This return made Alix fold her arms in a protective response. How had this gotten so far away from her? Was this what it would be like to have a teenager some day? Someone dying to leave your space but also making it feel like it wasn’t yours?

“Well . . . let me get straight to it,” Alix said. She delivered this with a light laugh at the end that made her cringe. She took another breath and placed her coffee on the counter to create a moment between Emira’s movie plans and the news she’d been practicing the delivery of for the past seven days. “We had a such a nice time at Thanksgiving, and we were so glad you guys came. But . . . I’m sure it was a little odd for you as well. First and foremost? Thank you for being such a superwoman that night. I know I said it before, but once again, you completely saved us.”

“Oh, of course,” Emira said. She looked at Briar and said, “It’s no fun to be sick.”

Briar turned grave and told Emira, “I throwed up.” Emira nodded and said, “I remember.”

“And second . . .” Alix displayed both her palms. “I don’t want you to feel awkward at all about the fact that Kelley and I dated each other way back when.”

Emira laughed. “Well, sure.” For a moment she looked out to the wall of windows and put her hands into her puffy vest pockets. “It was like . . . high school, right?”

This rebuttal felt like Emira had taken an unprompted guess at Alix’s age and overshot the number by too many years. At her feet, Briar hopped on one foot and said, “Mama? Bees don’t like when you do gymnastics on they’s heads.”

“Exactly, yes,” Alix recovered. “I’m just making sure. But . . . well, Emira, will you sit down for a second?”

Alix picked Briar up into her arms and sat at the kitchen table; the toddler began to play with a frayed string on her mittens. Emira said, “Okay . . .” and half sat into the next chair over. She kept her posture upright, as if she were afraid the chair had recently been painted and she wasn’t sure if it had dried.

“Alright, so . . .” Alix said. “I think you guys seem very happy together, and if you’re happy, I’m happy . . .”

“If you’re happy and you know it?” Briar declared. “Then row row row your boat to the store.”

“The Kelley I knew way back when, well . . .” Alix sighed with the weight of unfortunate news. “Well, he wasn’t very nice.”

Alix had the floor again. She could feel Emira leaning in to her words and her bored resistance fading into mild intrigue, which was a lot coming from Emira. “Emira, you’re so smart,” Alix went on, “and I know that you know what you want out of a relationship more than anyone else, and I also know that people can change. I just . . .” Alix ruffled Briar’s hair and kissed the back of her head. “I wouldn’t feel right not letting you know about my experience with Kelley, especially when I think the same issues may come up in yours.”

“I mean . . .” Emira crossed her legs and folded her hands in between her thighs. “I know you guys didn’t have the best breakup . . . I don’t know details or anything, but that’s cool. It happens.”

Ahhh, so he hasn’t told you, Alix thought. Of course he hasn’t, because he knows he was wrong. “Well, I wish that were the bulk of it,” she said. “Kelley and I . . . we didn’t date long, but . . . if I can be really candid about this . . . I had some issues with Kelley not respecting my privacy, which led to a lot of harassment from other classmates on my end. But more importantly, and why this may involve you, it was fairly common knowledge that Kelley had a habit of fetishizing African American people and culture. I won’t get into the details . . . but I’d be so completely crushed if Kelley ever used you in the same way.”