Stay(53)

“End of discussion.” Leaning down, I kiss her, capturing her full, pink lips with mine.

I’ve wanted to kiss her all day, and as I curl my tongue along hers, she sighs a little noise—those little noises make me crazy. I roll my body over hers, pressing her against the paneling. Her hands are on my chest then on my neck, then she’s holding my cheeks.

Lifting my head, I look into her blue eyes. So much emotion is reflected back at me, I hold still to take it all in. She traces her fingers down to my neck, dropping her chin and her hands at the same time.

“I should go to bed now.” Her voice is subdued. I’m not sure what to make of it, but I won’t push her any more than I already have.

Leaning down, I kiss the side of her cheek once more, taking a deep breath of her fresh flower scent. It’ll have to get me through the night. “Sleep well.”

Her fingers trace along my waist until I’m gone.

Thinking back over our weekend, I kind of love our time together. I love that she was jealous when we bumped into Alyssa. I love that Eli is so comfortable in his room and excited about what’s to come. I want everything to work out for him. I want him to have a good life.

I want to make it up to her that I hurt her. I want to treat her like a queen while she’s here, and when the time comes, I’ll let her go with a better memory of me.

I’ll give her this gift, and hopefully it will make up for the past.





21





Emmy


“And this is the part I’ll take out.” Dr. Henry Rourke traces a small corner with his pen on a life-sized model of the human brain.

He lets Eli touch it and turn it, looking at all the places his scans show that light up when he has a seizure. He’s so easy with my son, it’s hard to believe he’s one of the top pediatric neurosurgeons in the country. He’s more like Mr. Rogers.

Eli cuts right to his most important worry. “Will it hurt?”

“Not at all. You’ll be mostly asleep the whole time, and when you wake up, you’ll have a bandage around your head.”

“Like a pirate?” Eli gets so excited about the possibility, Dr. Rourke laughs.

“Usually, it’s just white gauze, but I’ll see if there’s any way we can get pirate gauze.” He sets the brain model on the table. “You’ll have a weird haircut for a little while. We have to shave your head around the site of the incision.”

Eli’s eyes fly to mine, and I do a little shrug. “At least hair grows back?”

He thinks about it a minute and seems to be okay with the prospect. “I can wear a hat.”

“Lots of hats.” Dr. Rourke agrees. “Knit hats, baseball caps… pretty much anything you’d like.”

“And I’ll never have another seizure ever again?” The hope in Eli’s voice pulls my chest.

“Well…” Dr. Rourke’s smile fades a notch. “Do you like math, Eli?”

“Yes, sir! I’m in pre-algebra now.” He’s so proud. I love him so much.

“Are you familiar with percentages? Here, if I hold the brain in my hands, you would say this is one hundred percent of your brain, right?” Eli nods, and the doctor continues. “With this surgery, the success rate of never having another seizure as long as you live is about sixty percent. So a little more than half.”

My heart aches. Forty percent is such a large number.

“The good news is, the younger you have it done, the better chance you land in that sixty percent range.”

“Which is why I need to do it now?” Eli squints up at him, and I’m not sure how much of this he understands. He’s so smart, but this is tough.

“Right.” Dr. Rourke smiles and gives his leg a pat. “Also your recovery is usually easier because your brain is so young and active right now.”

Stephen lingers at the back of the room, observing our interaction. His expression is serious, listening to every word, watching over us like our private protector.

After he kissed me last night, I lay in bed a long time struggling with my emotions. It was so much easier when I hated him. Our relationship, or whatever it was, was clean and simple. I could control my lust by reminding myself what an arrogant, selfish bastard he could be.

It worked.

Now everything’s mixed up. Now he’s a billionaire knight in shining armor, giving us what we’ve always wanted. He’s a dominating, passionate lover, treating me the way I’ve always wanted to be treated. He’s the man I dreamed he was all those years ago when I wanted to give him everything, believing I could make him fall in love with me just as much as I loved him…

And I’m a fool, who’s going to get my heart ripped out if I’m not careful.

Every time we talk about what we’re doing, our arrangement has a deadline. Six months max, he said. Then it’s back to the Village with me, and back to him being the distant, wealthy entrepreneur featured on the cover of magazines. The one who doesn’t believe in marriage.

“Do you have any more questions?” Dr. Rourke snaps me out of my distraction.

“I’m sorry. Yes, I do. I just…” My eyes fall to my brilliant little son sitting on the examination table blinking at me with so much trust. “I, um…”