Sparring Partners(22)
“I’ll quit someday, but right now it’s the bomb. Only a pack a day, though.”
“Your mother is dying of cancer and you’ve taken up cigarettes.”
“Is that a question? It’s breast cancer, not lung. And I like beer, too.”
“Anything else?”
“Wanna talk about sex?”
“Let’s change the subject.”
She smiled and knew perfectly well he was on his heels. She took a long pull, blew a cloud, and asked, “Do you have any idea how awful it is to be a fourteen-year-old girl and abandoned by your father, a man you loved and admired, a man you thought was really somebody because he was a big lawyer in a small town? A man who was a part of your life, usually there, at home, church, school, family, everywhere a father was supposed to be. Everywhere the other fathers still are, except mine. Any idea what that’s like, Mack?”
“No. I’m sorry.”
“I know you’re sorry. You’re worse than sorry, Mack. I can think of a lot of colorful descriptions.”
“Unload. I’m not arguing. You want me to leave?”
“Go ahead. That’s what you do. Flee. Things get sticky, hit the road.” She was forceful and strong, but she wiped a tear. She puffed away for a moment as she collected herself.
As the adult, he bit his tongue and kept his voice calm and low. “I’m not leaving again, Margot, unless I’m forced to. I said I’m sorry, that’s all I can do. I’m thrilled to see you now and I’d like to see you again. Helen too.”
“Got a question, Mack. When you left here in the middle of the night, did you plan to ever see us again?”
He took a deep breath and gazed at the window. She waited, the slim cigarette delicately resting between two fingers, ready for the next puff. Her eyes were glaring a hole in him.
“I don’t know what I was thinking. You remember the night I came home drunk, slipped on the ice in the driveway, busted my head, and ended up in the hospital?”
“How could I forget? We were so proud.”
What a little smart-ass, but he let it go. It was actually funny but he didn’t smile. “Your mother had you brainwashed into believing that I was some terrible alcoholic and thus a terrible father.”
“I don’t remember it that way.”
“Well thank you. In the Bunning family, two bottles of beer and you’re ready for rehab. She was looking for support and she made sure you and Helen knew I was drinking. She told her family and friends, too.”
“Yes she did. She was pretty horrible about it.”
Thank you, dear. “To answer your question, when I left town my only thought was to just get away. I was sure I would see you again, but that was not in my plans. Not then, anyway. I just wanted to go somewhere far from here and put my life back together. I didn’t have a real plan, except to get away from Lisa.”
“Did you ever love her?”
It was a question he was not expecting. He gazed at the window again. “I thought I did, at one point, early on, but the romance wore off quickly and there was nothing left. As you know, we were really unhappy.”
“Why were you unhappy?”
“There are at least two sides, Margot. I’m sure you’ve heard the other one, loud and clear. Lisa became discontented with me and my career. I was trying to establish a law practice, which, as I learned, is hard to do in a small town like this. Look around the square, there are so many lawyers. Lisa wanted a lot more. She was raised with money and she was spoiled by her parents. Stephanie married a doctor and before long they were in a bigger house. Lisa watched everything they bought, talked about every trip they took, and so on. Her parents obviously favored Stephanie and Dean and often made comparisons, especially her mother. I never measured up, was never good enough. As you are acutely aware, they’re hardcore Baptists and expected me to be in church at least three times a week.”
“That hasn’t changed.”
“I’m sure. It was too much for me. I got sick of their hypocrisy, their materialism, their racism, all in the name of God. I tried to avoid them, and Lisa and I drifted apart. We chose not to fight in front of you and Helen, so we settled into a routine of faking it and trying to ignore one another. We were both pretty miserable. There you have it. My side of the story. The marriage was over and both of us wanted out. I saw an opportunity and ran away.”
She cocked her head and took a long drag, much like a beautiful actress in a crime movie, a sexy move she had down pat. She extended her bottom lip and exhaled a stream of smoke that rose to the ceiling. She had yet to offer anything close to a smile. She said, “Helen, of course, was oblivious, but I knew from the age of ten that things weren’t right. You can only hide so much from kids.”
“I’m sure I’ve caused you a lot of embarrassment.”
She rolled her eyes as if to say, If you only knew, then placed the cigarette in the ashtray and said, “Yes, you have, but it’s not all bad, Mack. It has really opened my eyes and it has taught me a lot about people. The rich kids, my old gang, have enjoyed the gossip behind my back, the put-downs, the snide comments, the stuff they’ve heard at home. The middle-class kids want to hang with the rich ones so they’ve piled on too. The poor kids have enough of their own problems. The black kids actually think it’s cool that my father beat the system and got away. They know what it’s like to be judged, so they don’t judge. They’re a lot more fun. I’ve learned a lot about people and most of it’s not good. In some weird way, I should say thanks, Mack.”