Space (Laws of Physics #2)(67)

Abram proved to be an excellent distraction from my worries. I didn’t typically mind quiet. I’ve never been one of those people who felt compelled to always fill it, and Abram didn’t seem to be either. But, between the two of us, there was no break in conversation, no spots of silence. Every void was filled, every empty place occupied, and it didn’t occur to either of us to check the time until I suppressed my second yawn.

“It’s late,” he said, and my stomach dropped as he showed me the time on his phone. “And as much as I want to keep you up all night talking, you need to sleep.”

“What about you? Don’t you need to sleep? You should sleep. We could both sleep.” We’d been sitting on the couch under the lemon tree, facing each other, holding hands over the back of the couch. It was SO AWESOME!!!!

I thought I was already melty and relaxed, but his small, sexy grin liquified me. “Mona DaVinci, do you want to sleep with me?”

I tried not to smile, but I failed so hard. “Honestly? Yes. Sleeping with you in Chicago, in the theater room, is one of my fondest memories.” At this point, after the day we’d had, confessing these small truths didn’t feel brave anymore. With every confession, he made me feel less and less self-conscious, always confessing something in return.

I almost forgot that we were doomed. Doomed like a dying star.

“It’s my heartbeat, isn’t it? That’s what you’re after.”

Yes. It’s you’re heart I want. “Yes. It is. And your body. I really love your body.”

“I really love your body,” he said, like it was an easy and natural thing for two people to admit to each other, making my own heart do a wonderful and painful flip-flop. “But I need to write before I can sleep.”

“Okay.” I nodded tiredly. “I can stay up for a while longer. If you don’t mind the company, I can read while you write. I finished the books I brought, but I have two journals I need to read before I leave.”

Abram’s gaze dropped suddenly and so did his smile. Before I could ask him about it, he said, “How about you go to sleep, and when I’m finished, I’ll come up and lie down with you? No pressure.”

I was already nodding enthusiastically before he’d finished. “Sounds great!”

And that’s what we’d done. He’d tucked me in with a toe-curling kiss, and then left. But now he was here.

As I looked at him, sleeping so deeply, I realized, in addition to still wearing his jeans and long sleeve T-shirt, he was lying above the covers. Smiling at his strangeness, I took a moment to study his face, working to memorize every detail. I then placed my head on his chest again and listened to his heart.

I’m going to miss this. A lot.

Sadness abruptly weighed down on me, felt as tangible as the blanket covering my body, and I squeezed my eyes shut. The Abram chant sounded between my ears, telling me to be honest, telling me this was fleeting, telling me to be cautious, reminding me that I was leaving on Sunday.

I tried to reason with my reason, asking myself, What is the harm in staying a little longer? Will listening to the cadence of his heart now make leaving him later more difficult?

YES!

Absolutely. Yes.

Dammit.

Allowing myself to linger, to grow used to this closeness, would just make everything worse in the long run. I needed to get up. I needed to keep living my normal life. I couldn’t pause it, like I’d done the last time, because reentry into reality would feel impossible and I’d crash.

If I were smart, I’d start distancing myself now.

. . . Just another ten minutes.

My heart squeezed and I held my breath. Yesterday had been wonderful, and I would treasure it and whatever time we had left. Always. But smart Mona was right. And unfortunately, smart Mona was also the primary decision maker.

With great care, I lifted away from Abram’s glorious heart and body, and rolled out of the bed. The effort required made my pulse hammer between my ears. Standing, I hurriedly turned back to Abram and covered him with the blanket, I didn’t want him to be cold.

And then I walked quietly to the bathroom and began going through the motions of my normal day.





I left Abram a note on the side table. On the envelope I wrote, “DO NOT BURN,” hoping it would make him laugh. Though I was still a little sore about him burning my letter, and I sorta mourned the loss of it, I recognized now that I’d dodged a bullet.

My first draft of the new letter read,

Abram,

Dear Abram,

My dearest Abram,

I hope you slept well had sweet dreams. When you wake up, and if you feel inclined, please come find me. I’ll be in the solarium reading until the afternoon, and then I think I’ll go outside and take advantage of the sun and the snow. I’ll be by the sledding slope. Maybe I’ll build a snow fort! But I’m happy to modify my plans if you’d prefer to do something else I’m up for anything if you want to spend the day together.

Regards,

Missing you.

Love, Mona

The final version didn’t have all the strikeouts, obviously, and it struck me as reckless. I’d fretted over the word love for far too long, but eventually committed to it. It felt like the truth, so it stayed.

I didn’t see anyone as I walked down the stairs and halls leading to the kitchen, but I did hear conversation coming from the living room. I wasn’t avoiding anyone, but I was hungry, so I decided to stop by the kitchen first, eat, and then seek out Allyn.