Space (Laws of Physics #2)(42)

And on that note, I dropped my fork and fit my hand in the pocket of my snoga pants, where I’d placed the letter. Feeling it there calmed me, and that was good because simply thinking about what Abram had said, how he’d looked at me, made me feel like crying again. I was so tired of crying. I’d just spent two days hiding in my room with the silence, crying, and I wasn’t even a crier!

I didn’t want to cry anymore.

Allyn gave me a sympathetic look, squeezing my hand harder. “Should I have stayed with you? This afternoon? I saw you and Abram talking, I didn’t know what to do. I mean, he looks intimidating in all the band’s photos, and he’s bigger and scarier in real life, but even though I love him for his music, I will break his nose—no questions asked—if you wanted me to.”

“No, no.” I laughed at the image of sweet Allyn breaking Abram’s nose, even though it was a weird thing to find funny. Maybe I laughed because I appreciated the distraction the image conjured.

It’s not that Allyn wasn’t capable of it—she totally was, especially if she caught him off-guard—it’s just that she was one of those peace-loving sorts, always trying to mediate, see both sides of every issue, and negotiate a cease-fire.

“It was okay. We were fine. Relative to our last interaction, today was fine.”

Try being honest for once.

“It was fine,” I repeated, frowning at Abram’s voice in my head arguing the point. Given where we’d ended things in the study on Saturday, our interaction this afternoon felt almost miraculous.

For no reason whatsoever, I found myself glancing down the table, spying on him. He was speaking to the Kaitlyn woman. Their heads were together. They smiled at each other. They looked comfortable and cozy. I felt my stomach tense like I might be sick.

My attention lingered on her for too long, but I couldn’t help it. She wasn’t particularly pretty—her lips were an unusual shape, her eyebrows thick, black, too pronounced, her eyes a drab shade of gray, and she had a noticeable gap between her two front teeth—but she, taken all together, was strikingly beautiful, and the sight filled me with restive fury.

Her beauty should’ve been irrelevant. What did it matter if Abram was laughing and smiling with this woman? What did it matter if her rejoining laughter made me want to singe her eyebrows from her face using a hot poker? I wouldn’t actually do it. It didn’t matter. It had no mass.

But somehow, her striking beauty didn’t feel irrelevant. It did have mass, and matter, and weight.

Are they dating?

My stomach twisted tighter, hurt.

Do they have an open relationship? Like my parents? Maybe they’re just lovers. He probably has several.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about your conversation with him on Saturday?” Allyn’s question yanked me out of my destructive, pointless musings, and I faced her again.

“No, honestly. But I think maybe I should. How about tonight? After dinner.”

She nodded. “Sure. We’ll have wine.”

“Maybe not wine.” I didn’t need a wine-haze clouding my judgment with potentially hot pokers nearby. “How about tea?”

“Oh, yes. I will make you my winter tea. I should make some for Leo too.” She gave me a shy smile and asked reluctantly, “Speaking of, how is Leo?”

I tried not to grin at the way her voice pitched higher at his name.

Yes, Leo was a musician, but he wasn’t like all the others. I knew his heart and he craved monogamy. He craved finding that special someone. He was the exception that proved the rule, but he’d made the mistake of only dating musicians . . . so far.

Plans. Lots of plans. Allyn and Leo will marry in the summer, on a vineyard, and I’ll be the maid of honor. The table numbers will all be prime numbers, because I’ll be planning the wedding.

Allyn narrowed her eyes, leaning away. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” I mimicked the singsong quality to her voice. “Like, You and Leo sitting in a tree, K-I-N-E-T-I-C energy?”

She blushed, making me happy, and her lips twisted to the side, clearly fighting a smile. “I was just asking if he was okay. He seemed really sick.”

“He is. You should go take care of him.”

“Mona.”

“He would love it.”

“Mona.”

“Give him a sponge bath.”

“MONA!”

“What?” I laughed, delighted with the direction and escalation of my teasing.

Allyn cleared her throat and leaned forward, asking primly, “What happed with Charlie?”

“Charlie?” I sat straighter, blinking at the sudden subject change, and glancing back down the table to Charlie.

“Yes. Charlie. He seemed very friendly before we went sledding. I saw you two talking at the top of the hill, right before we all went back inside. What was that about?”

Unfortunately, instead of looking at Charlie, my gaze was drawn to Abram and Kaitlyn again. They were still talking. And laughing. And looking cozy.

Thank goodness Allyn was here to distract me, otherwise I would’ve spent half of dinner trying not to spy on Abram and Kaitlyn, and the other half spying on Abram and Kaitlyn.

Mortifyingly, Kaitlyn glanced up at just that moment. She caught me staring.