Someone Else’s Life(82)
Had Serena been delusional? Or was she right, and Finn wasn’t Annie’s? Was that why Annie had always had trouble bonding with him? Had Annie’s real child died when he was almost one, possibly killed by Serena? She grew frustrated, often admonishing herself out loud to stop it. Stop letting Serena’s words worm their way into her mind.
Pollie had come across Annie berating herself one day at the shelter and laughed. “You yelling at yourself now?” Annie had clamped her lips together, embarrassed. Even though Serena was gone, she continued to haunt Annie’s days and nights until Annie couldn’t take it anymore. She had to know for sure if Finn was hers.
While Finn was in preschool one day, Annie googled maternity tests. She could do the test at home and send it off in the mail, getting the results in one to two business days after the company received the samples. She ordered a kit without telling Brody. She’d simply do the test, prove Serena wrong and that Finn was hers, and then she could put this chapter of her life behind her and never think about Serena and her delusional stories again. She refused to contemplate what she would do if the test proved Serena right. It just wasn’t a possibility.
The day after she ordered the kit, Annie and Brody took Finn out on the Wailua River on two paddleboards, at the therapist’s suggestion. The river was calm, all the debris from the storm gone. It was hard to believe this was the same river that had taken Serena’s life. Annie didn’t want Finn to be afraid to go out on the river after that night—hence this trip. She knew he would feel safe on Brody’s board with him. They paddled out away from their dock and around the bend with nothing but the mountains surrounding them. The river was quiet, only a couple of kayakers off in the distance. She pushed the paddle into the water hard, needing the physical activity to keep the slight tremor in her hands at bay. Finn wasn’t the only one who needed to get over his fear of the river after that night.
Brody put his paddle down once they were in the middle of the ocean and dived into the river, making Finn squeal. He jumped in after Brody, bobbing up from his life vest. Annie studied her little boy from her board, squinting in the sunlight. He’d gone in with no fear or hesitation. Was that normal after what had happened on the river that stormy night?
Annie watched as Brody swam back to the paddleboard so they wouldn’t lose it. She put her own paddle down sideways across the board, sliding one end under the bungee cord. She stood again and gazed across the river. It was so peaceful here, much like the lake in New York.
While Brody and Finn frolicked in the water, she itched to move, to stop the thoughts in her mind. She wanted to dance again, like she’d once done every day. Shifting her body weight until it was mostly in her right leg, she extended her left leg behind her. Pointing her toes, she lifted her arms up, taking a tendu back position on the board. When she was dancing professionally, she’d had the best balance of anyone in the ballet company. She wasn’t the best dancer, oh no. She was too short, or too fat, not talented enough, according to the artistic director. But even he couldn’t fault the “little Asian girl” who could balance on one foot in arabesque en pointe for what seemed like forever.
Slowly, testing her balance, she lifted her back leg in an arabesque, humming the tune to “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” from The Nutcracker. As her back leg rose to hip level, her confidence returned, fingers poised, chin up. For one glorious, perfect moment, she was balanced in arabesque on the paddleboard, imagining she could hear the applause from the audience.
But then Finn shouted to her and she jerked in reaction. Arms flailing, she tried to regain her balance, but she wasn’t on a sturdy dance floor. She was on a rocky paddleboard that swayed with each flail, and she knew she was going over. She let out a scream as she tried to launch herself away from the board so that she wouldn’t hit her head on it. Her last image before she splashed into the river was of Finn and Brody just a few feet away, watching as she plunged into the water.
Annie came up sputtering, pushing her hair out of her eyes.
“Are you okay?”
Brody’s voice was laced with laughter, and she could hear Finn hooting at her. Water stung her eyes, and her hair was plastered to her face. She groped out and one hand connected with her board. Pulling herself forward so that her arms and upper body were draped over the board, she finally blinked enough to be able to peer out through the strands of her black hair. She turned and saw her husband grinning widely at her.
“I’m fine.” Her voice came out like a croak.
“You want a hand back up?”
“No, no.” Annie waved a hand, as if brushing away flies. “I’ve got this.” She turned her back on them and heaved herself up on the paddleboard. This was not her most graceful performance, sprawled half-on, half-off the board, her bikini bottom bunched up in her ass crack so that she knew she was giving Brody a more than generous glimpse of her backside. But that was okay, right? She was keeping their relationship spicy. She finally flopped onto the board and pushed herself up into a kneeling position.
“That was beautiful, Mommy,” Finn yelled. “Before you fell in.”
He broke out in laughter, and Brody joined him. Annie glowered at them, but then she started laughing, until all three of them were hooting, their laughter echoing on the river.
51
The kit arrived two days later. She managed to get a mouth swab from Finn by playing doctor with him, so she wouldn’t scare him. She did the same for herself and then, following the directions on the DNA maternity kit, sent both of their samples back to the company. And then she waited. The instructions had said the results would be sent to her by email, so she tried to put the test out of her mind. She and Brody put in an offer on the house, which was accepted, and they celebrated by taking Finn up to Hanalei for an afternoon.