Someone Else’s Life(81)

“I didn’t mean to. I . . .” He leaned sideways until his head rested against Annie’s arm. “I let go. I thought she was playing. I laughed. It was slippery—” He broke off.

Annie turned him so that she could console him, hold him close. But when she caught sight of his eyes, the bottom dropped out of her stomach. He looked so . . . detached. His face was blank. Exactly the way the therapist in New York had told them Finn was at every session. Annie stared at him, barely breathing, until he spoke again.

“She fell back. Hard.” He looked out over the ocean again. “Her head . . . It hit a rock.”

Annie closed her eyes and pulled Finn tight against her. All around them, kids played happily, splashing in the water as their parents watched. Tourists and locals alike enjoyed the warm day, taking advantage of the rays and cooling off in the ocean. Yet here on their blanket, Annie and Finn were wrapped in a cocoon, just the two of them, as she tried to make sense of his words. The doubt that she’d pushed away when Serena died started to creep its way back in. She squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to give it credence.

“It was my fault, right?” Finn asked.

“Oh . . .” Annie may have had doubts, but she was not going to let Finn think he was responsible. “No, it’s not.” Her voice was firm. “It was an accident, okay? You didn’t cause Lindsay’s death.”

“But . . . if I hadn’t let go?” He turned to face her. “Am I a bad boy?”

“No, Finn. No. It was an accident.” Annie would not doubt him.

“Bad boys get punished.” He gazed at her steadily. “They get punished like Hot Chocolate.”

“What?” A chill went up Annie’s spine. “What did Hot Chocolate do?”

“He was a bad boy, so I punished him.” Finn’s eyes were clear, his little face innocent. “Over there by the rocks.” He pointed to one of the rock walls that kept the waves from the shallow kiddie area.

“What do you mean?” Annie searched his face as prickles broke out on the back of her neck.

“Then I buried him, just like they do for dead people.” Finn’s voice was matter-of-fact, as if relaying what he’d just eaten. “Like for Lindsay.”

Annie sucked in a breath. They hadn’t taken Finn to Lindsay’s wake or funeral. He’d stayed with Brody’s sister’s family. “How do you know what happens to dead people?”

“My cousins told me.”

Ah. Brody’s sister’s kids.

“I miss Lindsay. I loved her.” Finn’s voice was so soft it got carried away in the breeze, but Annie heard him.

“I know, buddy. I know.” She rocked him, but she didn’t know if the gesture was to soothe him or her. That prickle in her neck was spreading throughout her body. “She was so good to you. She always played games with you.”

“I’m sorry, Mommy. Am I going to be punished now?” Annie heard his words, but it was the way he said them, something in his tone, that felt off.

Blood roaring in her ears, Annie pulled away so she could look into Finn’s eyes. And when all she saw was her sweet little boy and not a miniature sociopath in the making, she made a decision. “You did nothing wrong. Okay? It was an accident. What happened to Lindsay was an accident.”

She would help him through this, tell his therapist what he’d just confessed to her, and they would all help him get past this. He was just an innocent little boy. When he finally nodded and wrapped his little arms around her, she pulled him close, feeling his heart beat against her. And if that seed of doubt had planted itself into the very back of her mind that he was Serena’s child and taking after her, she steeled herself and willed it away, not wanting to let it take over her thoughts. She would defeat it.

When Finn ran back into the water, Annie slowly stood. She looked at the rock wall and walked in the direction Finn had pointed. As she drew closer to the large black rocks, she saw a fresh mound of sand. Using her foot, she brushed at it and found Hot Chocolate, facedown and soaking wet, buried in the sand. Her breath caught and her heart tripped when she saw all the small rocks Finn must have piled on top of Hot Chocolate, as if weighing him down. Finn had “drowned” Hot Chocolate, just like Serena and her mother had drowned.



Annie tried to return to her normal life. She’d left Hot Chocolate at the beach, and Finn hadn’t mentioned the bear again. She’d told Finn’s therapist about it, and he’d reassured her that it could be a way for Finn to process his guilt over what had happened with Lindsay. But he suggested they keep an eye on him, watch for any warning signs. Annie hadn’t been able to speak. She’d gone home and googled the list the therapist had given her. And found a whole new world to obsess over as she thought back to the lies Finn had told so easily in the past. She hadn’t told Brody about the Hot Chocolate incident. She would watch him closely herself.

But as much as she tried to forget about Serena and her delusions, she just couldn’t get everything that had happened lately out of her mind. When she and Finn took Marley on walks, she’d find herself staring at him, looking for any resemblance to Serena. When she picked him up from preschool, she’d watch the way he interacted with the other children. (Was he detached? Was it normal to not react when all the other kids were clapping and singing?) And when someone at Safeway remarked how much he looked like her while they were grocery shopping, she’d smiled, but then studied his face, wondering if he really was her son.