Someone Else’s Life(49)

I thought I would hate being locked up. I thought it would make me claustrophobic, knowing I couldn’t leave and do whatever I wanted. But surprisingly, being in the hospital turned out to be a restful time for me. It was like being on vacation (okay, maybe a forced vacation where we were locked up and couldn’t come and go as we pleased but you get the idea), because I didn’t have to deal with all the pressures of my life that made it hard for me to function. I didn’t have to worry about anything. I just had to do as I was told, go here, go there, stay here, take my medication, sleep, eat, get better, get well. It was almost magical, that letting go of control. I was the perfect patient, doing everything they wanted, even going to group and private therapy sessions. I told them whatever I thought they wanted to hear. I knew the whole point of being there was to get well enough to function like the rest of society does. But what if I’m not made like everyone else? What if I’m just not strong enough to go on? How do you lose everything and then be able to pick up the pieces and carry on?

That’s why when I finally came up with this goal, it gave me new life. It led me to you, the one who will make my life better again. But ever since I got to Kauai, I’ve been suspended in inaction. I’ve been enjoying the food and the beach and the whole Aloha spirit very much, but it’s finally time to put my plan into action.





27


“That’s why we had to leave.” Annie turned her back on Serena to stare out at the storm. “I loved that lake house, but after what happened, I couldn’t walk by the beach and the woods next to it without picturing Lindsay lying there in a pool of blood.”

She wrapped her arms around herself. “I couldn’t stop the guilt that ate at me whenever I think about that day, which is several times a day. I couldn’t help thinking that it could have been Finn who had been found dead. Or both of them. How could we have gone on if something had happened to our little boy?”

Serena made a sound of sympathy behind her, but she didn’t turn around. She stared out into the dark, listening to the pounding of the rain and the whoosh of the wind. “Brody was the one who said we needed to move. He saw how it was eating me up, and Finn was having nightmares every night, afraid to go to bed once it got dark out. He wouldn’t walk past the beach, and he wouldn’t let either of us out of his sight. He was supposed to go to preschool this year, but he refused.”

A prickly feeling started at the base of Annie’s neck, much like when she’d found Lili’s collar in her car at the humane society. She whipped her head around to find Serena staring at her, sympathy shining in her eyes.

“Why wouldn’t he go to preschool?” Serena asked.

Annie hesitated for a moment until that prickly feeling passed. “He screamed and had the worst temper tantrum the first day of school, and the psychologist said not to force him. We could do stuff with him at home.”

“He’s a smart little boy.”

“He is.” Annie nodded. “He misses his friends from New York, but Kalani was able to help us get Finn into her daughter Leila’s preschool here. We’re visiting the school later this week, and Finn is supposed to start there next week. He didn’t want to at first, but his therapist was able to make him see that it’s a good thing. I think he’s finally ready.”

“He’s going to school?” Serena put a hand on her heart, her face a puddle of sentimentality.

“Yes. He said he wants to. I think being here, having my father and Sam and Cam, and meeting Leila and her siblings, has helped him start putting the past behind him. He still has nightmares.” Annie stopped and thought about the one he’d had recently. “But they’re less and further apart. And he no longer has the daily reminder of where Lindsay died confronting him every day.”

“That’s good. Do you think he misses the house?”

“I do.” She nodded. “He talks about it, and about his room, where we’d painted two opposing walls blue, so it’s as if you’d walked into an underground seascape. He mentions the backyard, saying Marley would have loved it.” Annie hunched her shoulders. They really needed to find a house of their own soon. “We all loved that house so much.”

“I know what you mean.” Serena’s voice was so soft that, at first, Annie could barely hear her over the storm.

She walked back to the couch and sat next to Serena.

“We found our dream house too,” the younger woman said. “I told you. It was the house we were going to start our family in, to grow our family. Losing it was so hard for us.” Serena looked away from Annie, her fingers working together. “I think everything would have been okay if Danny and I hadn’t lost that house. I think that’s when he started changing. I’d just lost my job, right as we were getting approved for a mortgage. And without our combined incomes, the banks turned us down. Twice.” Her mouth twisted. “I had money from my father, but it was in a trust that I wouldn’t get until I was thirty. Our mortgage fell through and we lost the house we were going to start our family in.”

“Oh.” Something about what Serena was saying sounded familiar. But what? And what a doomed life the woman had led so far. Annie thought her life had gone off the rails; Serena’s was like a head-on collision with a Mack truck.

Serena squeezed her hands together. “That house meant everything to both of us. From the first moment we saw it, we fell in love. Hard. It was perfect, exactly what we needed to grow our family. But then we lost it.” She worried her lip with her teeth, lost in thought.