Someone Else’s Life(45)

Serena turned anguished eyes to Annie, and all Annie could do was shake her head and reach out to grip the woman’s hands. All the tragedies they’d each endured in the past few years; was that what was bringing them together?

“It’s almost eerie, isn’t it, how similar our lives are in so many ways? As if we’re living parallel lives,” Annie said. Was that why Serena seemed so familiar with her?

“We’re like two halves of the same person.”

Annie nodded, but a fissure of unease washed over her. “I’m not sure if that’s accurate, but I see what you mean.”

Serena took her hands back and bent her knees up on the couch, wrapping her arms around her legs. “We were going to get married a few months after Johnny’s first birthday. For the first time since my father died, I felt like I belonged to someone.”

“He just left you after Johnny died?” Annie couldn’t fathom it. She knew if this had happened to them, Brody would have stuck with her and they would have been united in their grief. At least, she thought they would have.

“Yes. He loved Johnny. So much.” Serena shook her head. “I think he needed someone to blame, and I was the most obvious person.” She gestured to Annie. “If this had happened to you guys, would your husband have blamed you and left you?”

Annie shook her head, thinking again how Serena was always able to read her mind. “I don’t think so.”

“See, this is why I’ve always thought you had such a great life.”

“Is it . . . lonely? Being by yourself?” Annie couldn’t even imagine. As much as she and Brody hadn’t been getting along, she was grateful to have him in her life and for Finn. To know she had a family she could count on. She didn’t miss the days when she was single and living in the city by herself, wishing for companionship until Lili came into her life.

“It is.” Serena nodded. “You have no idea. I literally have no family at all. If I just disappeared tomorrow, no one would be looking for me.” She frowned, her mouth pulling down. “Do you know what that feels like? To know no one would miss me?”

“What about your friends?” Annie couldn’t imagine having no one care if she disappeared.

Serena gazed off into the distance. “They’re all married now and have their own lives. They don’t have time for me. And the friends I had when I was with Danny all took his side. They don’t talk to me.” She brought her gaze back to Annie. “That’s why I realized it was time to take charge. To live my right life now.”

Annie stared at Serena, thinking it was a strange phrase. Live my right life. What did that mean? Was Annie living her right life? Was Finn? Maybe he was living the wrong life and would have been better off with a different mother.

She stood, immediately appalled at the thought. She was Finn’s mother, and they were living their right lives. They were.





24


Serena narrowed her eyes when Annie jumped off the couch. “What? What are you thinking? I can tell something is spinning around in your mind.”

Her tone had Annie lifting a brow. “How do you know that?”

Serena’s smile was crooked, and the spark in her eyes that Annie had thought she’d seen earlier flashed again for a brief moment. “I know we just met, but I feel as if I know you. Like I can anticipate what you’re feeling and thinking.”

“Hm.” Annie bit her bottom lip. Even though Serena’s statement should have creeped her out, it actually warmed her heart. To have someone know her like that, without her having to spell it out, was nice. Could she really tell a stranger something she’d been ashamed to say to even her sisters and best friends? But Serena had said it herself—it did seem as if they’d known each other for years, not just a few hours.

“You can tell me.” Serena’s voice was soft, almost gentle. “I won’t judge.”

Without answering, Annie went down to her knees on the floor and sank back into child’s pose, her hips reaching back over her calves, her spine flat. She stretched her arms forward, tenting her fingers on the floor to maximize the stretch.

“What’re you doing?” Annie could hear the confusion in Serena’s voice.

“When I was dancing and stressed out, child’s pose always helped me.” Annie’s voice was muffled, her forehead touching the ground. She knew Serena wouldn’t judge—that was why she was about to tell her—but it felt safer to say the words from down here.

“Okay.” Serena got on the floor next to her, imitating Annie’s pose. “I guess I’ll try it too.”

Annie took a breath and let it out. “I didn’t feel that maternal instinct everyone talks about when Finn was born. Of course I love him, but I didn’t get that, I don’t know, mothering feeling and that all-consuming love I kept hearing about.” She reached both hands to the right as she let her hips sink to the left, deepening the stretch down her left side.

Serena copied her. “Not everyone feels the same. Don’t compare yourself to others.”

Annie moved her hands to the other side. “But it was weird because right after the birth, when they first put him on my chest, I did feel a moment of connection. Like he was fiercely mine.” She lifted her head to look at Serena, who was still copying her moves. “But I never had that feeling again.” Shame washed over her, and she dropped her head down to the floor again.