Smolder (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #29)(7)

Milligan answered, “You haven’t been around Kane much, but he’ll probably try and tear the kid up next time he sees him.”

Asher lowered his head, putting his hands in front of his face like he might weep or didn’t want to see Kane lying on the floor. He shoved his hands back through his hair so it pulled back completely, exposing the scars on the left side of his face. It let me know how upset he was, because he would never have done that in front of so many people if he’d been thinking about it.

Peter gasped.

Asher froze and then very slowly moved his hands so his hair would fall back like a dark golden curtain to hide behind again. He spoke with his face still hidden. “If Kane wakes and the young man is still here, he will attack him. He can take such an insult to his honor from Anita and others at the apex of our power structure, but he is too insecure to take it from anyone he perceives as less able.” He never moved his head at all while he spoke, so his hair was all we could see of his face. He didn’t even show us the unmarked side of his face, which meant all his issues had been hit hard by that one small sound.

“If everyone is okay with it, we’ll just send Kane to the medical area at the Circus of the Damned so he can wake up there,” Milligan said.

“Fine with me,” I said.

“Yes,” Asher said, still unmoving as if he was afraid to give Peter a second look at his face.

I walked over to Asher as Milligan picked Kane up like a sack of potatoes, putting him in a fireman’s carry over one of his shoulders.

“What if he has a spinal injury?” Peter asked.

“Kid, if his spine was injured he’d either be dead or it’ll heal no matter what,” Milligan said, and then he walked out while Craven held the curtain for him.

He hesitated in the doorway and said, “We’re not supposed to leave you without someone to watch your back.”

“We’ve got her back,” Edward said. I was a little uncomfortable with Peter being part of that we, but he had earned the right to be included.

Milligan yelled back, “If Forrester says he has her, he has her. Now let’s get the werehyena to medical before he comes to.”

Craven almost saluted, remembered in time, and hurried to catch up with Milligan.

I tried to stand in front of Asher, but he moved just enough so that his hair was between me and seeing any of his face. I hadn’t seen him this insecure in maybe ever. Damn it. I reached up to touch his hair, but he moved just out of reach, so I dropped my hand to his arm. Which he let me hold, but he was immobile under my touch like he was trying not to be there.

“Asher, please,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said.

“Your reaction was honest, don’t be sorry for that,” Asher said, but his voice held bitterness that made the words a lie.

“It wasn’t for the reason you think.”

“Now you will tell me that I don’t know my own mind. You do have the arrogance of youth and beauty.”

“I’m young but I’m not beautiful, not compared to you,” Peter said.

Asher made a sound that was too bitter to be a laugh, but I didn’t have another word for it. He pulled away from my hand and I didn’t fight him over it. I had my own issues to work today, I didn’t have enough energy left over to deal with one of Asher’s famous fits. He was gorgeous, but eventually beauty and great sex aren’t enough.

Peter said, “You’re so good at hiding the scars with your hair that I forget they are there.”

“Good that you can forget that I am ruined.”

“All you let me see is the perfect parts of you physically. Nicky lets me see the scars where he lost his eye now, so it’s part of him, but you never seem to treat your scars that way.”

“Oh, they are very much a part of me, a part that I can never forget. I have wished often that vampires had no reflections like in movies, because then it would not be a constant reminder of what I have lost.”

“If that is how you feel, Asher, then why don’t you go back to consult with the plastic surgeon? He was hopeful about helping you,” I said.

He just shook his head hard enough that his hair moved but never showed any of his face. Peter was right, Asher had spent centuries using his hair to shield his face. He always seemed to know where every shadow or patch of light would hit him and what it would show. He used all of it to keep his scars hidden. The scars didn’t cover that much of his face because he could keep the hair over it while looking at someone with both eyes and most of his face, but it wasn’t my face, it wasn’t me who had gone from the kind of beauty that would make people gasp in wonder, to scars that made people gasp like Peter had.

I felt Jean-Claude like a distant dream down the metaphysical connection between us. He was being subtle because if Asher sensed his presence then he would say that I didn’t want him except through Jean-Claude’s eyes. Since I was beginning to agree with that, it was hard to argue. I’d only been in an off-again, on-again relationship with Asher for a few years; Jean-Claude had been trying for centuries. That breath of power asked me in emotions to please try. Jean-Claude could have simply spoken in my mind, but that much power between us and Asher would have sensed it happening.

I reached for his hand. He startled, his hand tensing under my touch. He darted a glance at me, a flash of those ice-blue eyes through the wilderness of his golden hair. “Why would you want to touch me when you have unblemished youth before you?”