Smoke and Wishes (Best Wishes #1)(37)

“Excellent, Lucie. Have you had the chance to work on that wall?” His voice was proud. I guess it isn’t unusual for a dean to take pride in his students. I shook my head, signifying I hadn’t gotten to it with all of the beginning of term stuff that piled up last week. “Alright, so what I’m going to have you do is close your eyes, and focus on feeling the edges of your mind.”

I did as he instructed, it seemed strange at first. The edges of my mind, huh? But the more I focused, the easier it became. I felt the emptiness as I tried to clear my thoughts of everything, but what Alex was saying. Venturing further, I touched what felt almost like a bubble. Weird. I gave a slight nod to indicate I was ready for the next step.

“Good, now form a solid brick in your hands, it could be a regular sized brick or a cinder block or whatever you choose. Once you feel the solidness of it, the texture, everything that makes it real, visualize placing individual bricks around the perimeter of your mind, creating a low barrier.”

I sank further into my mind and saw myself standing in the middle of a dark space, a single beam of illumination directly where I was standing. When I reached out again to feel the bubble surrounding my mind, the brightness expanded towards that edge revealing the floor around me. It was polished marble, the white with grey veins shone in the light. Holding my hands up in front of my chest, I imagined a red brick. The dusty red sides started to form in front of me, the rough texture scratched my palms and fingers, the weight settled when it fully developed.

“Alright, I have my brick,” I looked up in my mind to see him actually standing in front of me. Startled, I jumped back a step, a slight yelp escaped me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude, but with the amount of focus necessary to perform this task, I felt it would be easier to join you.” Without the outside ambiance, I noticed his voice held a slight accent, but I couldn’t place where from. “Now that you have your brick, start placing them around the perimeter of your mind, it’s alright to only do the first row.” I closed my eyes again and tried solidifying the edges of my mind, envisioning the rust-colored bricks lining up to start the first tier of my shield. I concentrated, but it was too overwhelming to create so much at one time.

“It looks like you’re able to get some portions, but not a consistent layer. Let’s try something different. Sometimes it helps to use a memory. We are essentially locking down your mind from the outside world, protecting it from intrusions. Was there ever a time where you felt threatened? Something that made you feel unsafe or afraid?” I stiffened. I have a plethora of those. Nodding in response, I didn’t trust my voice. “Alright, I want you to pull up that memory, use that as motivation. That unsafe feeling? Push it away, block it out. Keep whatever is causing that fear out. Protect yourself.”

Protect yourself echoed through me, radiating down to the deepest part of me. I felt the command surround me, the very thought of him, made me want to lash out. Protect yourself. As soon as I blocked him out, realizing I could keep him away from me. I felt my mental shield slam into place like a cell door in a prison. I fell to my knees, breathless and tired swaying with lightheadedness. I opened my eyes and was met with complete darkness. The shield created a solid dome over me cutting off all light and any outside interference.

“Alex?” My voice rang out, echoing against the smooth stone beneath my fingers. Silence, I stood up and reached out to where he had been standing and came up empty. I did it. I left the locked dome in my mind and focused on getting back to the real world. I was slumped forward in the chair with hands bracing against my shoulders to keep me from falling out of my seat completely.

“Whatever memory you used was extraordinarily effective,” Alex’s voice sounded low. I finally was able to open my eyes, my head pounding in time with my pulse. “You not only were able to create a solid shield, but you expelled me in the process. Do you mind if I ask which memory you used?” I gritted my teeth.

“I used multiple,” I grunted easing myself into an actual sitting position, leaning heavily against the back of the chair. His hands remained on my shoulders, as though he wasn’t sure I could remain upright on my own, the pounding eased slightly. “I would really rather not talk about it. Let’s just say I had the necessary ammunition.” His eyes hardened, lips thinning out into a tight line.

“While I understand you may not wish to discuss such things at this time, I must implore. As the dean, it is my responsibility to ensure the safety of my students. Lucie, is the cause of this fear still a threat to you?” His voice was low, the honeyed cadence clipped in anger. I shook my head.

“I don’t think so, but” I hesitated, “he doesn’t know where I am and if he finds out…” I trailed off with a small shrug.

“I won’t pry for details, but if it looks at all like he,” the word was dripping with disdain as it rolled off his tongue, “ever becomes a problem for you or anyone you know, please know you can come to me.” The heat from his hands seared through my jacket, easing the shivers that had started wracking my body. I moved my eyes from the knot of his black tie to his sky-blue irises. His usually pleasant face had shifted into a terrifyingly cold expression. “Promise me, Lucie. Please,” he urged.

“I promise,” my voice almost non-existent. His reaction to my admission, information only my mom and Char knew, was extreme. It was more intense than I expected from someone who didn’t know me. He leaned back and stood, straightening his suit jacket.