Sisters by Choice (Blackberry Island #4)(79)

“How’s it going?”

“We’re expanding,” he said, pointing to the smaller outbuildings. “The castle needs a town. There’s going to be a bakery.”

“Is there?”

“Uh-huh. The queen said so.”

She bent over and kissed the top of his head. “It’s good to be the queen.”

He laughed and returned to his LEGO pieces.

She walked over to her desk and took a seat. She wasn’t sure if Jaxsen had been trying to influence JJ or if he’d picked up the “a woman’s place” crap on his own. Either way, she was going to have to make more of an effort to set a better example. Words were one thing, but actions were a whole lot more powerful when it came to teaching a kid a lesson.

She stared at the thick folder full of bids and business plans and notes on used equipment. Jaxsen showed no sign of softening his position on the bakery. She didn’t want to have to choose between him and her dreams, but it felt like that was what he wanted. If someone were to ask her the state of her marriage, she honestly wouldn’t have any idea about what to say.

She thought about the fifteen thousand dollars Ruth had given her. A passive-aggressive action in her own marriage, and a generous sign of support for Kristine. Is that what she wanted for herself? To go behind Jaxsen’s back for the rest of her marriage?

Or maybe that wasn’t the real question. Maybe what she should be asking herself was more directly about herself. Where did she want to be in ten years? Or, to use JJ’s number, eight? Did she want to be counting the days until Grant left for college or trade school? Did she want to be hoping some building came up for lease and hope she could start her business then? She would be forty-two. Not old, but not the age she was now.

She’d been married to Jaxsen for sixteen years. In all that time she could honestly say she’d never once put herself first. She’d lived her life for her family, and while she would never change that, she knew she was at a crossroads.

“It’s not even a very big dream,” she whispered. It was just hers.

She missed Jaxsen and she wanted him home. But not if it meant having to give up the bakery. It would send a terrible message to the boys and a worse one to Jaxsen. But even more significant—if she did that, what would she be telling herself about her value in the world? About the worth of her hopes and plans and, yes, her dreams?

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and quickly texted the real estate agent.

I’m ready to sign the lease. Please have it drawn up so I can have it reviewed and we can get going on things.
She hit Send before she could question herself, then sent another text to Jerry, her contractor. When that was done, she went upstairs to the kitchen and started going through the freezer. Once she got the bakery, she was going to be crazy busy. Better to get a bunch of meals cooked and frozen for easy dinners while she had the time.

As for Jaxsen—she didn’t know what was going to happen there, but she was done waiting for him to give her permission. This was her life and, for once, she was taking charge of it and moving in the direction she wanted to go. There might be consequences and later, she might have regrets. But whatever they were, she knew they wouldn’t be as painful as knowing she’d had the chance but she’d been too afraid to take it.

  Sales were up. Sophie ran the numbers again, comparing them to this month last year. Yup, Elliot’s report was correct. Sales were up over 20 percent, which was huge. She wasn’t thrilled that he’d been right about the digital advertising and she’d been wrong, but she was willing to live with the discomfort.

It wasn’t all about the money, she thought, quickly creating a graph so she could see the lovely upward direction of the sales trend. When it was in place, she played with different colors for the two months, finding the most pleasing combination.

“Not just money,” she said aloud. “It’s about winning. Ha!”

She laughed as she gave herself another second to enjoy the thrill, then she deleted the graph and sent Elliot a quick email congratulating him on the sales and being right. He was a good find. She should probably thank Dugan for mentioning Elliot.

Not that she wanted to be thinking about Dugan. While she appreciated his insights, she’d really liked things better when he was just some yoga guy who had a great house and a questionable background. Okay, she hadn’t liked him better, but she’d known how to deal with him. She’d been in charge and she got to say what happened between them. Not exactly her finest hour, but it was the truth.

Now everything was confusing. He wasn’t someone she could push around and she liked him. Worse, she might possibly even trust him, which would only lead to disaster. She preferred to keep the circle of people she trusted very small so there was less chance she would end up with a broken heart.

Work, she told herself. She would think about Dugan later. She plowed through the rest of her emails. Not her favorite way to spend an afternoon, but the alternative was helping Bear with a big delivery and he was so touchy about her butting in.

She’d nearly finished when Amber walked into her office.

“Hi,” Sophie said. “Did we have an appointment?”

“No.” Amber sat across from her. “I need a raise. A big one.”

The woman had balls the size of coconuts, Sophie thought. She leaned back in her chair. “No.”