Sisters by Choice (Blackberry Island #4)(78)

She told herself to stay in her head and not in her emotions. This could be a teachable moment for all of them, if she was able to keep control of herself and guide the conversation. A big ask considering how much she wanted to scream that JJ and his father were pigs and they were wrong.

She crossed to the bench on the landing and sat down. Both boys glanced from each other to her. Tommy sank to the floor, but JJ glanced longingly toward his room. Still, escape was not an option.

After what felt like a full minute, he sighed heavily and sank down onto the carpet. His expression was sullen, but at least he hadn’t bolted.

“I’m sorry your dad is gone,” she said, her voice conversational rather than confrontational. “I know it’s hard on you boys. He’s a great dad and you like having him around.”

They stared at her.

“Then tell him to come back,” JJ told her. “Tell him you’re sorry and you don’t want to open the store.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. So my life doesn’t matter?”

JJ rolled his eyes. “You’re a mom. Taking care of us is what you’re supposed to do.”

“So I sacrifice my life for yours?”

“No. But it’s your job. Dad brings in the money and you take care of us. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

“And if I’m not happy?” she asked gently. “If I want more? If I’m sad and wish things could be different?”

“You can do it when we go to college.”

“That’s eight years for Grant.” She paused, trying to figure out what to say. “Eight years is a long time. The bakery is for rent now. It probably won’t be then. Eight years. You’re fourteen. You want a car when you’re sixteen, right? What if I asked you to wait eight years, until you’re twenty-four, because it would be better for me?”

JJ’s head snapped up. “Mom, that’s not fair.”

“Why? It’s only eight years. It’s not like you need a car. You could ask me to drive you, or your friends. It’s not like food or air. A car is just something you want. Doesn’t that make it selfish?”

His eyes widened. “You’re being mean to even say that.”

“Am I? Because I’m only thinking about what I want instead of what’s best for you? Because I’m saying what I want is the most important thing? Because I’m not trying to see your side?”

He flushed. “You’re saying that’s what I’m doing.”

And your father, she thought, but didn’t say that.

Tommy looked between her and JJ but kept his mouth firmly closed.

“I’ve always supported you and your brothers. I’ve always helped you with school and planned fun summer activities and been there for you in any way I could. But it’s not a one-way street, JJ. You’re fourteen. It’s time for you to figure out that you’re not the center of the universe. That other people have feelings and hopes and dreams, and being part of a family means everyone gets a vote. Everyone gets to have dreams. Not just you.”

He ducked his head. “Dad said...” He looked at her, tears swimming in his eyes. “Mom, is Dad wrong?” He sounded appalled at the prospect.

“I think he is. I think he’s forgotten we’re a team and that I get to have more than the four walls of this house. I think he doesn’t realize how independent his sons have become and that my being gone during the day won’t hurt anything.”

It was the most neutral she could be, under the circumstances. There was the mature issue of not taking sides, which she was willing to do, but going further than that wasn’t going to happen.

“Do you really want to open the bakery?” JJ asked.

Tommy threw himself back on the floor. “Of course she does. What do you think she’s been talking about for the last two years? She stays up all night baking. You fall asleep at ten, no matter what. Try staying up all night doing schoolwork and see how you feel.”

Kristine prepared to get between them but JJ shocked her by throwing himself at her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He buried his face in her lap.

“I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry.”

She stroked his hair. “Thank you for understanding,” she said. “I love you and your dad. I’m so proud of my family. I’ll always be here for you, but I need something else, as well. I need the chance to follow my dreams, too.”

He raised his head and wiped away his tears. “Okay. Then I want to help. I can work in the store or help with the baking after school or something.”

She smiled. “Thank you. Let’s talk when I actually have a place.”

He got up and sniffed. He looked both relieved and shell-shocked. She wondered if this was the moment Jaxsen stopped being perfect in his son’s eyes. JJ had always been the one closest to his father. While she didn’t want to get between that, a little realism wouldn’t hurt things.

JJ went off to his room. She looked at Tommy.

“You okay?”

He grinned. “Mom, I’m the middle kid. I’m perfect.”

She laughed and stood, then pulled him to his feet and hugged him.

She went to check on Grant. Her youngest was in the basement, building a large castle with his LEGO pieces. He smiled as she walked over.