Silent Victim(33)

‘I wasn’t sure myself,’ she said, panting lightly as she stood in the doorway. ‘Dad kept talking about some boring archaeology find on the news. In the end I said I was going to bed. I climbed out the window to get away.’

I chuckled in response, telling her to come inside. Dad’s beach hut was sparse but fit for purpose, housing a small gas cooker, a square wooden table, some cupboards and two chairs. Deck chairs were stacked in the corner behind the door, as well as some sandy buckets and spades that had not been discarded by our neighbours’ children when they’d used it for the day. I could not do much about the lack of heating, but I had cleared away any lingering cobwebs. In my experience, the appearance of spiders did not set a romantic tone.

‘I’m sorry about before,’ I said, offering a lazy smile as I gave her the once-over. She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and denim skirt. I imagined the twilight breeze skimming the tops of her thighs as she cycled here to meet me in our secret meeting place.

‘You were only looking out for me,’ she said, catching my gaze.

I met her eye and smiled. I could not wait for ever. Soon we would be breaking up for Christmas and who knows how we would feel when the new term began?

‘Your present.’ I broke the silence by digging into my jacket pocket. The necklace was some cheap tat I’d picked up from the market, but she wasn’t to know. I stood behind her to put it on, before she had the chance to have a better look. She could examine it later, when it didn’t matter any more.

‘Ooh, it’s lovely,’ she said, touching the tiny sunflower dangling from the chain.

A trickle of sweat ran down my back but, given the cool night, it was Emma making me perspire. ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’ I said. ‘Really sure?’

Her attention on her necklace, she gave me an enquiring look, and it took several seconds for the penny to drop. ‘Now?’ she said, her words barely a whisper, and for a second I almost felt guilty for pushing her so fast. Almost.

‘Hey, don’t look so scared,’ I said softly. ‘Us, meeting like this, perhaps it was a mistake . . .’ I made my way towards the door.

‘Wait,’ she said, blocking my path. Leaning forward, she kissed me on the cheek. ‘Don’t go.’

Turning around, she closed the door and pulled across the bolt. The air seemed charged between us, and I parted my lips as my breath quickened in her presence. She knew why she had been summoned; nobody had forced her to come. Her earlier sulk in school would have stoked a feeling of guilt that she would be keen to dissolve. I reached forward, pulling the elastic band from her hair and allowing it to tumble down on to her shoulders. She gazed at me with a trust I did not deserve.

‘I love you,’ she whispered, and it did not come as a surprise.

It seemed only fair I should reciprocate, as saying anything less could put a dampener on what was to come. ‘I feel the same. You’re the only one for me,’ I said, and at that moment it was true. Pressing my lips upon hers, I kissed her hungrily on the mouth, my hands claiming her face, her neck, her shoulders. Her eyes were misty when we drew back for air and I questioned her a second time. ‘Are you sure? Really sure?’ I said, and felt a swell of satisfaction when she replied with a sudden nod of the head. ‘You haven’t done this before, have you?’ I said, stilled by the fear lighting up her eyes.

‘It’s what I want. More than anything,’ she replied. And that was how we progressed from our first kiss to something so much more.





CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

EMMA





2002


Cycling home from the beach hut, I struggled to see the road. I didn’t know why I was crying. My relationship with Luke had been sealed. We were a couple. It was too late to turn back now. I blinked hard in order to clear my vision. My tears were hot with frustration and shame. I had wanted Luke to treat me as an adult and he had. I wanted to keep him and this way I would. Nobody had put a gun to my head. So why did I feel so used?

Slipping into my room, I quickly undressed before pulling my long white nightdress over my head. Theresa had not followed up on my mention of meeting my teacher out of school, and there was no way I could tell her what had happened now. She still treated me like a twelve-year-old for starters. She’d be mortified if she knew what I had done. I kicked my clothes under the bed. I didn’t want to see them, the memory of my intimacy with Luke invoking further shame. It was no fairy-tale moment as I had imagined; indeed, it was over before it began. Tugging my clothes to one side, he had bitten my shoulder as his excitement mounted, and I had held on to the cold hard table, shocked and bewildered as he took control. Afterwards, the awkwardness between us was crippling, our professions of love a tainted memory. I had fixed my clothes, Luke checking his watch as he told me I should hurry home. My fold-up bicycle could have fitted in the boot of his car, but I was too embarrassed to ask for a lift. We were OK, weren’t we? Once again, I found myself wondering what I had done wrong.

I lay in bed, listening to the wind creeping through the old fireplace, staring at my mobile phone. After ten minutes of willing Luke to text, I took things into my own hands. It was a one-line text, in the hope of further communication.

Goodnight, love you xx

But no response was returned. Thirty minutes later I pulled back the covers, wishing I could have a bath to ease the physical discomfort. Pacing the floor, I wished my sister were here to comfort me. I missed her so much it hurt. It had been so lovely earlier in the week, when we’d met up in town for my sixteenth birthday dinner. But a pizza restaurant was hardly the place to bare my soul. I touched my sunflower necklace, trying to comfort myself. I had Luke now. We were a couple. I would never be alone again. Lifting my feet on to the chair, I hugged my knees, waiting for a reply.