Seven Years to Sin(36)

“She did mention him once, when listing desirable qualities to be found in her future spouse.”

“Oh? What did she say? Perhaps it might offer him comfort to know she finds him appealing in some regard. Then again, perhaps it would be torturous since there’s nothing to be done about it now.”

“She appreciated his congeniality, I believe.” Jessica’s eyes sparkled. “However, you possess the appearance she most admired.”

“Flattering. Did you agree?”

“I lied.”

His brows rose.

“In a fashion,” she qualified. “I told her you were too young for me to assess in that manner.”

Alistair clapped a hand over his heart. “Ho! The fair lady cuts me to the quick.”

“Stuff,” she scoffed.

“Youth does have its advantages. Vigor, stamina—”

“Impetuousness.”

“Which can be delicious,” he retorted, “when done properly. Since you admit to lying, you are confessing that you found me physically appealing even then. Why didn’t you say as much to your sister?” Did she share nothing personal with anyone?

“I couldn’t encourage her interest! I don’t believe you two would suit. You would quickly overshadow her, I think.”

“I would not have been receptive in any case. It would be very unwise for a man to court one sister while secretly pining for the other.”

Jessica flushed. “You have never pined for anything. It’s not in your nature. Besides, like Mr. Sinclair, you never once gave any indication of knowing I even existed.”

“The same can be said of you in regard to me. Both of us appear to have been aware of each other, but you were promised to Tarley and I was too young. I had no notion of what I wanted to do with you beyond unrestrained fornication, and I was confounded by how to achieve that end. You are such a perfect, pristinely glorious creature. Rutting atop you in a frenzy of adolescent lust seemed obscene and impossible.”

It was a testament to her growing ease in his company that she wasn’t completely scandalized by his bluntness, as she certainly would have been mere days ago. “You appeared to have more skill and control in such matters when I bore witness to them.”

“It would have been different with you.”

Her blush deepened. She looked down at the food between them. “Perhaps if Michael had been more obvious or forthcoming about his feelings for Hester—not that she isn’t remarkably happy with Regmont …”

“I avoid speculating on past possibilities. Life is what it is. Making the best of it takes energy enough. Pointless to waste any effort regretting what cannot be changed.”

Jessica nodded as if she agreed, but her gaze was slightly unfocused, betraying the inward turn of her thoughts. “You act with the intention of not regretting your decision to do so,” she murmured, almost to herself. “While I have always chosen not to act, so there would be no possibility of regret.”

“Who is to say which approach is better?”

“I should like to try your way. At least for a little while.” Alistair looked up at the sky to mitigate any pressure his next words might exert. “It would seem to be the perfect time. You can reinvent yourself while away from home, and no one will be the wiser.”

“You will know.”

“Ah, but I won’t tell a soul.”

She wagged a finger at him, a gesture he found enchanting for its playfulness. “You are influencing me. Whether that is for my betterment or detriment remains to be seen.”

“I know precisely what you need.”

“Do you?”

“Freedom without censure.” He sat up. “It does exist, and I can show it to you.”

“Freedom and consequences go hand in hand.”

“Yes. But is censure a consequence or simply a nuisance? Does it really matter what others think of you, if you have the means to ignore them?”

Jessica exhaled audibly. “I am beginning to care about what you think of me.”

“I’m mad for you.” Alistair reached for the bottle of wine protruding from the basket. “And I have liked all the sides I have seen of you so far.”

“Both of us cannot flaunt convention.”

“We can’t?”

“Someone has to be the voice of reason. I designate you.”

He laughed. “Do you?”

“We shall reverse roles. I will proceed without concern for consequences, and you will act with an eye toward propriety. You certainly will need the practice, since you intend to rejoin Society when you return to England.”

Alistair was beyond intrigued with her bold suggestion.

“Come now,” she prompted. “We both know you are well versed in how to break rules. The question is: can you follow them? Can you withdraw from an endeavor, goal, or desire simply because it would be scandalous to continue? Can you pass opportunities in order to avoid censure?”

“Can you break rules?” he rejoined. “Can you continue, even if doing so is scandalous? Can you risk censure to seize opportunities?”

“I can certainly give it my best effort.” Her smile was brighter than he’d ever seen it. “Shall we wager to make my proposal more appealing?”

“Oh, it’s appealing enough.” The reversal of their roles introduced a host of wickedly wonderful possibilities. “But, as you know, I never walk away from a challenge. Twenty guineas?”