Seven Years to Sin(34)
“What details were you telling him?”
“You persist after I point out the error of your ways?”
Alistair looked at her and found her studying him. Not his face, but the rest of him, which he quite enjoyed. “Persistence is a virtue.”
“I believe it’s ‘patience.’ Regardless, I wasn’t telling him details. I told him stories.”
“To distract him from his amorous interests? Like Scheherazade?”
“In a fashion.” She looked down at her fingers, which were presently picking at her bread. “What else would we discuss? Drawing room etiquette or the stratagems of chess? Such things would swiftly bore a man of adventure.”
“I’m certain anything you said would have been of interest to him,” he rejoined. “Whether or not you said anything at all, he still would have had a splendid time just looking at you.”
Her mouth curved. “Flattery comes easily to you.”
“Feel free to practice your flattery skills on me at any time. Although I can’t vouch for my ability to remain decorous if you do.”
“What sorts of things do you prefer to be admired for?”
“Anything, so long as the admiration is sincere.” He took another bite of the pear and knew there was no place else he’d rather be, which brought him an unusual sort of calm. For as long as he could remember, Alistair had felt pulled in many directions simultaneously. Ever on the lookout for possibilities and new avenues of income. Failure to be successful had never been an option.
Jessica’s lips pursed in thought. “I would like to be admired for something I’m actually responsible for. It has yet to happen, but I hope to change that.”
“Explain.”
“How can I take credit for my appearance? My parents are responsible for that. How can I take credit for my deportment, when I could not carry myself differently if I wanted to?”
“Couldn’t you?”
“I had no choice as a child, and now it is so ingrained I cannot imagine acting otherwise.”
“No choice,” he repeated. “We always have a choice—to do what others want us to do or to do what we want to do.”
Her gray eyes were somber when she looked at him. “That depends on the consequences.”
Alistair weighed her change in mood, knowing the waters of this particular topic were far from shallow. He also knew she wasn’t yet willing to let him swim in them. Still, he couldn’t resist an attempt.
“I had a friend at Eaton,” he began, “who was probably the most intelligent fellow I’ve ever come across. Not so much with his studies, but he was observant and quick to think. However, whenever I complimented him on his rare ability to scan for advantages and make swift use of them, he hurried to dissuade me. He lacked confidence, yet I couldn’t collect why. Later, when I met certain members of his family, it became clear that his sort of mental acuity wasn’t appreciated, which undermined Barton’s personal esteem. His parents wanted to see high marks for his school work; everything else was useless in their opinion.”
“I can sympathize.”
“I’m sure you can, as there are similarities between you. Like Barton, you also make great effort to dissuade me from my high opinion of you. But you do not lack confidence, as he did. You aren’t undermined by your peers, as he was. In your case, you don’t value the traits in yourself that inspire admiration in others. Now you suggest it’s because you acquired those traits under some type of duress. From what quarter? Your mother? Competition with your sibling?”
The look Jessica shot him was full of exasperation. “Are you always so curious? If so, is this level of interest applicable to everyone? Or only to women you wish to bed?”
“You are as prickly as a porcupine, and equally hard to grasp. I love it.”
“You love a challenge,” she corrected. “If I were pursuing you, you would feel different.”
“Try me,” he said, meeting her gaze. “Let’s put it to the test.”
“Another challenge. Or a wager. Irresistible to you.” She popped the last remaining bit of bread into her mouth, then set to work arranging pillows to her liking. When she leaned slightly against them, using her elbow as a prop, he found the view quite charming. Relaxed elegance and artless beauty.
Choosing not to argue about the root of his interest, Alistair returned to an earlier point in the conversation. “So how will you distinguish yourself in the future? What plan do you have?”
“Perhaps I will manage Calypso well.” She bit carefully into a pear slice. “I hope to prove myself worthy of the task.”
“There is nothing for you to do. Tarley has an excellent foreman and a competent steward, as well as a superior agreement for the transport of goods, if I say so myself. The wheels are well greased and they turn without need for you to exert any effort.”
When a shadow passed over Jessica’s features, he realized his error. The truth of it was, he was alarmed by the prospect of her having no need for him, which might be the case if she wasn’t hunting for a buyer. But that wasn’t reason to dash her hopes. She wanted to tackle and conquer a task of heretofore untried scale. Regardless of how that impacted his access to her, he should support such a brave endeavor. Lord knew he admired it.