Satin Princess(15)

She gives me a half-hearted laugh. “You’re right about that. It was never going to be anything.”

“Because of you?” I ask pointedly. “Or because of him?”

“Both?”

“Sounds like a question.”

She bites her lip and sighs. “Because of me. Final answer.”

“Because you’re not letting yourself move on.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You make it sound like I have control over my feelings.”

“Well, it has been a while and—”

“What about you and Chris?” she asks.

I stare at her, perplexed. “Chris?”

“It’s obvious the two of you are meant to be,” she says. “And yet you wasted your time running after a man that you couldn’t possibly have.”

“I… that… Chris and I are friends,” I insist. “Best friends, in fact.”

“Right. And best friends never hook up? If that’s the case, a lot of romance novel authors are going to be out of a job all of the sudden.”

“I’m not saying it never happens—I’m just saying it’s not happening for us.”

“If Anton hadn’t been in the picture, would you have considered it with Chris?”

I stumble over my tongue. Because the honest truth is I can’t possibly tell what I might have done if I’d never met Anton. I can’t see my future anymore. I can’t see alternate realities, either.

All I see is him.

“You sabotaged your own life, Jessa,” Freya says gently. “Just like I did. Sometimes, I think I’m still doing it.”

I shake my head. “I love Chris. I do. But I don’t think I could ever be with him, like, romantically.”

“Really? Even though he’s the first person you call when shit hits the fan?”

“That’s because—”

“Do you feel safe with him?” she interrupts. “Are you comfortable around him?”

“He’s my best friend!” I insist. “Of course I feel all those things with him.”

“Then maybe forgetting Anton is the first step.”

I have no idea what to say to that. So I don’t say anything at all.

Freya gives me a smile. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, you know,” she says. “I’m just trying to show you what’s right in front of your face.”

“Yeah. I know.” I nearly jump a foot when my phone starts ringing.

Freya laughs. “Who is it?”

“Not sure,” I say when I glance at the screen. “It’s an unknown number.”

Freya jerks upright. “Do you think it’s him?”

“Anton?” I stare down at the phone, wondering if he’s on the other end. It makes me feel close to him, though I have no idea if I’m right. I’m not sure if I want to throw the phone across the room or squeeze it to my chest.

Freya holds out her hand. “Let me answer it just in case.”

“I got a new phone,” I remind her. “And a new number.”

“He might have more resources at his disposal than we realize. Let me answer it.”

I’m too flustered to argue with her, so I pass the phone over. She answers the call, using a deeper tone than her usual tempo.

“Hello?” Her frown relaxes a second later. “Oh, Chris. It’s just you…”

I exhale along with her and reach for the phone.

“She’s right here,” Freya says. “Hold on.”

I take the phone while Freya sinks back down into her seat and pulls her own phone out. “Hey Chris,” I say, craving the sound of his voice. “Whose phone are you calling from? I don’t have this number saved—”

“I don’t have my phone on me,” he says urgently. “Be normal and make some excuse to walk away. Do it now.”

I freeze, rattled by his tone. “Um, okay, cool,” I say, trying to sound as casual as possible. “I’m gonna take this outside,” I say to Freya.

She gives me a nod but doesn’t look up from her phone. As I walk, I blab on about the house and England, about the flight here. I talk about everything and nothing until I’m far enough away from the house that I can be sure Freya won’t be able to hear us.

“Okay,” I say, dropping my casual tone. “What the hell is going on? Why do you sound so freaked out?”

“Where are you right now?”

“You know where I am. I told you last—”

“Where’s Freya?”

“Back in the house where I left her,” I say impatiently. “Why?”

“Jessa, I don’t think she’s who she claims she is.”

My heart clenches. “What are you talking about? Of course she is.”

“Jessa, I’m fucking serious. I’ve had an uneasy feeling about her since we met. And since you decided to leave the country with her, I decided to… to do some digging.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I was right to be worried.”

“You’re not making any sense right now, Chris.”

“I called Simon,” he says.

“Simon who?”