Right Man, Right Time (The Vancouver Agitators, #3)(98)

“That’s not getting too close to comfort for you?” I ask.

“Not at all. Roberts might like it.”

“Better than my nacho idea.” I sigh. “I’ve been struggling with this article, and Roberts has been harping on me for a first draft. I’ve pushed him as far as I think I can go when it comes to extra time. I started writing something about how welcoming the Agitators are, but there wasn’t much meat to it. I think I could work with this.”

“Feel free to ask me anything.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I get comfortable on my bed. “So . . . what do you want to talk about?”

“Us,” he answers.

“What about us?”

He rolls his teeth over his bottom lip and says, “This would have been easier in person, but I really need to just . . . to just say it.”

“Okay,” I say, listening intently. “I promise, whatever you have to say, it’s safe with me.”

“Thank you, baby,” he says softly, then looks away. It takes him a few seconds, but he finally says, “I was going to propose to Sarah.” Oh, this is the conversation he wanted to have. Well, now I feel like an even bigger ass because it would have been better in person. “I thought she’d be the girl I spent the rest of my life with.” I know this, so I just nod. “And I had a ring picked out and everything. After a game one night, I came home, looking for her.” His eyes dart to the side, and I can tell this is really hard on him.

“It’s okay, Silas,” I say. “Take your time.”

“I came home and found her in our bedroom with another woman and a man watching them.”

My breath freezes in my lungs as I try to comprehend what he’s saying. Sarah cheated on him . . . with another woman and a man?

“Oh my God, Silas. I’m so sorry.” No wonder he has trust issues. How can I not feel for this man?

He drags his hand down his face and whispers, “Fuck, I’ve never said that out loud before.”

“I can understand why. That must have been so hard on you.”

“It was,” he says. “I was . . . I was devastated. We rarely had sex, especially toward the end of our relationship, and now I knew why. I just keep wondering, how long was she cheating on me? She suggested it definitely wasn’t the first time she’d cheated. So how long was I the idiot who didn’t know what she was doing when I was gone? She said four months, but fuck, I don’t believe her.”

“Have you asked her?”

He shakes his head. “No, probably best that I don’t fucking know. It will only make me angrier. And I’m trying to release this anger. I want to be able to be healthy for you, Ollie, that’s why I’m telling you this, why it’s been so hard for me to open up to you, to let you in.”

Yeah, she stole his trust and made it impossible for him to put himself out there again. I don’t know how someone recovers from a situation like that.

“I get it. And I’m so sorry Sarah put you through that. She didn’t deserve you, and she proved that. I don’t have much to say that will be helpful other than I’ll be patient with you. I’ll give you time. I promise I won’t push, and I’m sorry I pushed before.”

“I’m glad you did,” he says. “Or else I never would have let you in. You pushing has helped me move past this fear I’ve been holding on to.”

“What fear is that?” I ask.

“That maybe I don’t deserve anyone. That something is wrong with me. That I’m not loveable, and that’s why Sarah cheated on me.”

“Silas.” I sit up. “Please don’t believe that, not even for a second. Because the man I’ve grown to know is worthy of everyone around him. He’s loyal and protective and so fucking loveable. The people who hurt us are the people who are hurting inside. They hurt others because they don’t know how to deal with their hurt. Sarah is the one in the wrong. She’s the one who isn’t worthy or loveable, not you.”

He doesn’t say anything, just stares off to the side.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes,” he answers. “Fuck.” He rubs his eye with his palm. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“For not being strong enough.”

“You can’t be perfect all the time, Silas. No human is. The best thing about us as humans is just how imperfect we are. It shows how we’ve survived, how we’ve journeyed through life. It gives us wisdom and practice for how to protect our future. There is no need to always be strong, especially with me.”

His eyes connect with mine through the phone, and I can see how much tension has eased from them. “How are you so fucking smart?” Because for the first eighteen years of my life, my grandma made sure to tell me that. That every setback brings about growth. Endurance. Even though my dad tried to tell me otherwise.

“All my years of being told I won’t amount to anything,” I say. “You quickly learn how to drown out the hate and build on it instead.”

“I’m good at drowning out the hate and using it as fuel on the ice.”

“That’s different. Sports are different. That’s physical. What Sarah did to you, that’s emotional, and being emotionally vulnerable is harder than shooting a puck past a goalie.” I wet my lips. “But I’m so glad you shared with me, Silas. It means more to me than anything, and I promise, this stays between us.”