Revolution (Collide, #4)(34)

"I'm not a human," I told her bluntly and blasted all of my worries at her. "Do you understand that? I'm not human. I'm thousands of years old, stuck here in a body that doesn't belong to me. You're in love with this face, not me."

"Not your face," she whispered and looked up at me. "When you held me in the van, I couldn’t see your face. It was you."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just continued on with the truth. "There's a place that Keepers go. The After. The closest human word to describe it is paradise, but it's so much more than that. Merrick and Jeff, they know they'll never see the After and they're fine with it. I'm…not all right with it. If I were to…fall in love with you, it'd make me want to stay." I looked her straight in the eye and said as clearly as I could. "The After is all I've ever wanted and when this is over, I will be going there. It doesn't matter what I feel."

Her chest started to shake with little sobs that I couldn't stand to hear, but she had to see that I wasn't capable of giving her what she wanted, not matter how much this body wanted it. "Don't make the mistake of falling for this body, because the person inside it is gone and soon, I will be, too. I'm sorry-"

She pushed away from me. "Why are you saying all of this? I never asked you to give up your paradise and stay here with me."

"But you did," I countered. "When you kissed me-"

"You kissed me!" she said and glared.

"All right, yes, I kissed you. The way you were looking at me-"

"You kissed me and I get blamed? And that suddenly means that we're going to get married or something?" She laughed humorlessly. "Wow, you're so arrogant."

"It's not arrogance, it's knowledge. I've watched women for years."

"Apparently not the right ones."

"I won't budge on this, Ellie. I like you a lot and I don't want to see you hurt, especially not by me. That's why this has to stop now. As much as I may want…

something more."

She reached her hand up. At first I thought she might slap me, but she touched my scruffy cheek. She smiled sadly. "I'm just sorry that you're not the man I thought you were."

"I'm not a man," I couldn’t stop myself from saying.

She let her hand slide from my face and turned as she said, "I can see that."

Well, I got my way. She was officially knowledgeable about my status on this earth and she walked away from me with grace.

So why did I feel like someone had kicked me in the guts?



Supper was served up by Marissa and Ann. Rice and beans. It was beginning to be a running joke. Ellie kept her distance and kept quiet, too. I tried not to feel guilty for what I had said, sparing her seemed the best thing for her. But looking at her now…was it? She looked silently miserable and even though it hurt, it also was a eye opener. She was upset about me which made my stupid human heart beat for different reasons other than keeping me alive.

So it seemed that my little chat to talk her out of falling for me was making me fall for her.

I tried to ignore her by filling my routine with Calvin and Frank. Frank was still slow moving around with Calvin practically his indentured servant. I remembered actual indentured servants. Calvin was a pretty good one, but Frank was a horrible master. I smiled at them as they played cards.

"Uhuh, it's twenty one, not three card poker! Keep up, man!" Calvin complained at Frank dealing.

"Right. Ok, ready to get spanked?" he said as he re-dealt.

"Ha! Bro, they totally don't say 'spanked' anymore."

"Who doesn't?"

"Anybody!" Calvin said and laughed. "At least not the cool peeps."

"No one says 'peeps' anymore, I bet," Frank rebutted sullenly.

"I'll let you have that one 'cause you're cripple. Deal, man."

He flung the card across the small table at him. "I'm not a cripple! It's just my wrist." He looked down and grinned. "Wicked scar, right?"

"It's sick, dude."Calvin leaned back in his chair all cool like. "If there were chicks here, they'd be impressed."

I shook my head as I tried to keep up with them.

"Can I join you?" I asked.

"Sure, Ry. Color the man up, Franky."

I asked quickly, "What does that mean?"

"It means it don't matter 'cause we got no money anyway," Frank explained….sort of. "Quit trying to be cool and show your cards, C."

He threw down a king and a nine. "Booyah!" He yelled.

Frank grinned and laid out a king, then slowly revealed a queen. "Take that!"

"Dang, man! I smell a cheater."

"You mean you smell a winner? Don't mind if I do," he said happily and grabbed all the trinkets and string from the center. I looked at Calvin questionably and he explained that all they had were little objects to bet for. Whoever won the hand won whatever had been anted in the pot.

We played a few hands before they started yawning. Frank said he needed a nap, so we left him there to do just that. I went back into the main area to see Merrick pacing. His mind was filled with scenarios of Sherry not coming home. I sighed and went to his side. "She's fine."