Reveal Me (Shatter Me #5.5)(4)

“I’m pretty sure I know wh—”

“You don’t know anything, okay?” I stop. Turn to face her. “You don’t know shit about me. Just like I don’t know shit about you.”

Her eyebrows fly up her forehead. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t do that,” I say, pointing at her. “Don’t pretend to be dumb.”

And I’m out the door, halfway down the dimly lit path leading to my tent, when I hear her voice again.

“Are you still mad at me?” she says. “About the thing with Anderson?”

I stop so suddenly I nearly trip. I turn around, and now I’m looking at her, and I can’t help it: I laugh out loud, and it sounds crazy. “The thing with Anderson? Are you serious? You mean the thing where he showed up, back from the dead and ready to murder all of us because you told him where we were? Or do you mean the thing where he killed Delalieu? Or wait, maybe you mean the thing where he put all of us in an asylum to rot to death—or maybe it’s the thing where you bound, gagged, drugged, and dragged me onto a plane with him all the way to the other side of the goddamn world?”

She moves lightning fast, standing in front of me in seconds. And then, fury making her voice shake: “I did what I did to save your life. I was saving all of your lives. You should be thanking me—and instead you’re standing here shouting at me like a child, when I single-handedly saved your entire team from certain death.” She shakes her head. “You’re unbelievable. You have no idea what I risked in order to make that happen, and it’s not my fault if you can’t understand.”

Silence steps between us, pushes us apart.

“You know what’s hilarious?” I shake my head, look up at the night sky. “This,” I say. “This conversation is hilarious.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Stop.” I turn back, level her with a dark look. “Stop underestimating my mind. You think I’m too dumb to understand the most basic shit about a rescue mission? Of course I understand,” I say angrily. “I get that you had to do some shady things in order to make our escape happen. I’m not angry about that. I’m angry right now because you don’t know how to communicate.”

I see it when her face changes. The fire goes out of her eyes; the tension leaves her shoulders. And then she blinks at me— Confused.

“I don’t understand,” Nazeera says quietly.

The sun has been dead for hours now, and the dark, winding path is lit only by low lanterns and the diffused light of nearby tents. She’s bathed in it. Glowing. More beautiful than ever, which is nothing short of terrifying, to be honest. Her eyes are big and bright and she’s staring at me like she’s just a girl and I’m just a guy and we’re not both just a pair of dumbasses headed directly for the sun. Like we’re not both murderers, more or less.

I sigh. Shove a hand through my hair. The fight has left my body and I’m suddenly so exhausted I’m not sure I can keep standing.

“I need to go to bed,” I say, and try to move past her.

“Wait—”

She grabs my arm and I nearly jump out of my skin at the sensation. I pull away, unnerved, but she steps forward and suddenly we’re standing so close together I can practically feel her breathing. The night is quiet and crisp and she’s all I can see in this flickering darkness. I breathe, breathing her in—something subtle, something sweet—and the memory hits me so hard it knocks the air from my lungs.

Her arms around my neck.

Her hands in my hair.

The way she pinned me against the wall, the way our bodies melted together, the way she ran her hands down my chest and told me I was gorgeous. The soft, desperate sounds she made when I kissed her.

I know now how it feels to have her in my arms. I know what it’s like to kiss her, to lick the curve of her lips, to feel her gasp against my neck. I can still taste her, feel the shape of her, strength and softness, under my hands. I’m not even touching her and it’s like it’s happening again, frame by frame, and I can’t stop staring at her mouth because that damn diamond piercing keeps catching the light, and for a moment—for just a moment—I nearly lose my mind and kiss her again.

My head is full of noise, blood rushing to my ears.

She drives me insane. I don’t even know why I like her so much. But I have no control over how my body reacts when she’s around. It’s wild and illogical and I love it. I hate it.

Some nights I fall asleep running back the tapes—her eyes, her hands, her mouth— But the tapes always end in the same spot.

“It would never work, you know? We’re not—” She makes a motion between our bodies. “We’re so different, right?”

“Kenji?”

Right. Yeah. Shit, I’m tired.

I take a step backward. The cold night air is sharp and bracing, and when I finally meet her eyes again, my head is clear.

But my voice sounds strange when I say, “I should go.”

“Wait,” Nazeera says again, and puts her hand on my chest.

Puts her hand on my chest.

She’s got her hand on me like she owns me, like I’m so easily stopped and conquered. A flame of indignation sparks to life inside of me. It’s obvious she’s used to getting whatever she wants. Either that, or she takes it by force.