Reluctantly Home(16)

‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘We’re all pretty pushed. It’s all decent stuff, too. Some high-profile instructions.’

Pip felt her heart tug a little. She missed her old life, the competitive edge that cut across everything, even between the two of them. But at the same time, having Dominic here and thinking about work was starting to make her chest constrict. She took a deep breath to calm herself. The last thing she needed was an episode now, just as she was trying to convince him that she was getting better.

‘Who’s picking up my cases?’ she asked, though she really couldn’t bear to hear the answer.

‘Priti,’ he said. ‘She’s doing well, actually, catching on quick.’

Another stab to Pip’s heart. Priti was junior to her and, worse than that, had been sniffing around Dominic for some time, always there with a ready smile and an offer of help when the opportunity arose. The last thing Pip needed was her colleague filling her shoes, on either score.

Dominic shuffled a little in his seat and cleared his throat.

‘Listen, Rose, I didn’t come here to talk about work,’ he said, and Pip felt herself relax a little. She didn’t want to confess to Dominic just how anxious this talk was making her feel. It was much better if their conversation drifted away from the subject of work to something less tricky, even if it was a little mundane. She smiled at him and moved across to lean her head on his shoulder, but he pulled away from her.

‘Look—’ he said, and then stopped.

He chewed at the inside of his lip and Pip waited, her heart starting to pound again. Had something gone wrong at work? Was she going to be in trouble when she got back?

‘The thing is . . . ’ he continued. Another pause. He ran his hand through his dark hair. ‘Shit, this is hard.’

‘What’s hard?’ she asked. ‘What’s the matter? Is there something wrong? Are you ill?’

‘It’s not that,’ he said.

Pip was at a loss now. There was nothing she could think of that would justify this nervousness.

‘Whatever it is, Dom, I’m sure we can sort it out,’ she said softly.

He swallowed hard.

‘I think we should split up,’ he said.

His words hit Pip like a spray of bullets, but she couldn’t tell which part of her was bleeding.

‘I know you’re struggling with everything and the timing is crap but it’s just not working out for me. It wasn’t working before you . . .’

Before I killed a child and had a nervous breakdown, she thought, but could not say out loud.

‘But—’ she began, but he cut across her.

‘I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, Rose,’ he said. He couldn’t meet her eye and seemed to be repeating the speech he must have pre-prepared. Pip listened, hearing his words but not believing them. ‘I truly don’t,’ he said, ‘but I can’t carry on like this. Who knows how long it will be before you’re back to normal? And it’s not fair on either of us to let things drag on, to let you think that everything is fine when it isn’t.’

‘But Dom . . . ’ Pip put her hand out to touch his cheek, as if by making that physical connection she could stop this chasm opening up between them, but Dominic pushed it away, his action gentle but firm.

He got to his feet. ‘So that’s why I came up here. I wanted to tell you face to face rather than over the phone.’

For a moment he looked as if he was expecting to be congratulated for his noble behaviour, but when she didn’t speak, he added, ‘But now I should go. I’m sorry, Rose. It’s been fun but I think we’re at the end of the line. We both need to move on and get on with our lives.’

Pip couldn’t move. Her mouth fell open but no words came. She felt numb, but then she always felt numb these days. She’d felt numb ever since the accident.

Maybe she always would.

She tried to summon a response of some sort, but all she could think of were the practicalities. He couldn’t leave her. He was all she had left, the only thing connecting her with her other life, her real life. If he walked out now, then she would be trapped in this new, fake world forever. She searched inside for the emotional response that she knew was expected of her, but there was nothing there – just a void.

Dominic reached the door then turned to look at her, his hand gripping the handle tightly.

‘I’m sorry, Rose,’ he said again. ‘I really am. I’ll let myself out. Say goodbye to your parents for me. I’ll be in touch about your things.’

And then he was gone, leaving by the farmhouse’s front door rather than going back through the kitchen.

Pip just sat there, staring at the space where he had been.

‘Pip?’ her mother’s voice came from the kitchen. ‘Was that Dominic crossing the yard? Has he gone to get his things from the car?’ She appeared in the doorway, her cheeks pink, a smear of tomato puré e across her chin like a vivid scar.

‘Pip?’ she asked. Pip stared at her blankly, not really hearing her. She spoke again. ‘Pip? What’s the matter? What’s happened? Where’s Dominic?’

Pip felt very calm. In fact, she couldn’t ever remember feeling this calm before.

‘He’s gone,’ she said. ‘It’s over and he’s gone.’