Reign of Wrath (Dirty Broken Savages #3)(71)

“It was not that small!” Priest insists, taking another shot when Knox pours it.

“It was!” Knox yells, sloshing whiskey around in the bottle. “It really was.”

I can feel the alcohol making me tipsy, making my face feel a little bit numb and my insides go a little tingly. It’s a nice feeling, drinking for the fun of it with people I like, instead of trying to drown my sorrows in a bottle or something.

I look around the kitchen, and something shifts inside my chest. I can’t really deny it anymore. I’m falling for these men. I’m falling in love with them, as terrifying as that is. Even knowing I had feelings for them and wanted to stay with them, I’ve been avoiding thinking the ‘L’ word. It’s just such a big thing. One of those things you can’t just say and then take back. Even thinking it feels like a commitment, and it’s not something I have any fucking experience with at all.

For so long the only thing I loved was the memory of my sister. That was all that kept me going. All I had to hold on to. I had Hannah’s picture, the list of names on the back, and the memories of her that kept me moving forward, trying to get to the end of my mission so I could finally lay things to rest.

But things are so different now. So much better, as scary as that is to admit. Instead of having almost nothing, I have four men who have made a place in my heart.

When I was focused on that list, I never really thought into the future. I didn’t see the point of it. What good was thinking about what would come next when I knew I’d be going it alone?

Now I feel like I can actually see a future.

I can see the possibilities ahead for me and these men, so many things I never even considered before. Nights like this, drinking and joking around. Fucking shit up together. Fucking each other. Learning more about them and letting them learn more about me. Not being afraid that what they find out will make them push me away.

I want all of that with them.

“Oh my god,” Ash groans, putting a hand over his face as he laughs. “I forgot about that. Gage was always so in control, and he completely fucked that up.”

They all laugh, and I find myself smiling softly.

Maybe I can have what I want. Maybe that future can really be ours.

For the first time in what feels like a long time, I let myself do something that feels more wild and dangerous than anything else I’ve ever done.

I let myself hope.





29





River





The bark of the tree is rough and familiar against the palms of my hands. As soon as I realize where I am, the ache in my chest eases a bit, and I let out a little sigh of relief.

This tree has come to feel like a safe place. Detroit is a crazy, rotten city, and there’s always something going on, but up in this tree, we’re above it. None of it can reach us.

Hannah is ahead of me, like she always is. She climbs slowly, making sure I know where each handhold is. It’s almost like I’m starting to memorize the movements because I don’t need as much help as I usually do. I follow her more easily, climbing up and up and up through the branches.

We finally reach that spot where we can cling to the trunk and look out over the city, and we’re quiet for a few long minutes, catching our breaths and taking in the view. I don’t know if this Hannah in my dreams needs to breathe, but I watch the rise and fall of her chest and the way the flush of the climb gradually fades from her cheeks.

I break the silence finally, feeling like my mouth is dry, but I have to say something.

“I miss you,” I tell her. “I miss you so fucking much. It’s worse this time than it was the first time around. Then I knew I’d fucked up, and I didn’t keep you safe, but now I have to live with the fact that you died for me. It’s... it’s hard.”

Hannah smiles softly, glancing over at me. “It was never your fault, River. Not then and not now. You would have done the same for me in a heartbeat. That’s just how we are.”

I nod because she’s right. That is how we are. It’s the promise we’ve always made to each other.

“I’m glad you’re not alone, at least,” Hannah says. “I’m glad it’s not like the first time.”

“Me too.” I cling a little harder to the trunk when a gust of wind comes rushing through. “They’re... good. For me. They have their own demons, and they can be brutal and savage in their own right. I’m sure people with standards would say they’re bad men, but they’re good for me. And they’re good to me.”

“That’s what matters,” Hannah agrees. “You’ve never given a shit what anyone else thinks, and ‘standards’ are stupid.”

I laugh a little because she’s right, and it’s so Hannah to point it out like that. “They’re just everything I never knew I needed.”

“And probably some things you wouldn’t admit you needed. Because you thought you were beyond needing things.”

That’s very her too. The way she’s always seen through me. But it’s not scary. Maybe it’s because it’s a dream, and it’s the only place I can still be with my sister, and where my fears are held at bay for a moment. Whatever it is, it makes me feel bolder than I have before, and I take a deep breath.

“I love them,” I tell her.