Reign of Brayshaw (Brayshaw High #3)(87)

“I agreed, too, Cap.”

“But you didn’t.” He meets my stare. “You said no. You were braver than we were, stronger than we were when it mattered, and in front of everyone. In a room full of powerful men you’d never seen before, you said no.”

“And then I caved.”

He gives a sad scoff, shaking his head. “You didn’t cave, Raven,” he whispers with a scowl. “Maddoc told me what he did, how even after he talked to you, you wanted to say no.”

“I should have held my ground.”

“You did the most selfless thing any of us will ever witness, because you love him that much.”

I glare at the dirt road behind us. “I tried to tell him love is for the weak.”

“I lied to you,” he rushes out.

I frown, not quite understanding, but it doesn’t matter. “I trust you, Captain.”

“I know you do, but that doesn’t make this right.” He shakes his head, a heavy sigh leaving him. “I love you, you know that, just like you know it’s not the way Maddoc does,” he stresses. “But I asked you and Maddoc both to trust me for a reason.”

His eyes move between mine. “I had to make sure my family was safe, and that includes you, so I did what I could to make sure that happened, but in the back of my mind, this was always temporary until we found another way.”

I shift my feet in the dirt so the swing is facing him better. “Temporary.”

“I knew everyone was watching. Brayshaw High would believe it easy enough, but I knew Donley wouldn’t. He had to see the struggles, the slow growth and solo decisions on our part.”

“The bud of a real relationship.”

“Exactly.”

I eye him.

“I let you believe this was real.”

“You don’t have to do this.” I shake my head and his jaw tightens. “I’ve been with you every day, Captain. I saw you struggle with what we were doing, felt it just the same. You don’t have to justify this. You say you lied, well we both did. We lied to our damn selves, pretending we could ever be anything different considering. Neither of us wanted this to happen. I mean, that’s not even a question worth asking, but it did. Either way, Cap. We both knew the truth behind the mirror. I could never be yours for real, just like you could never be mine.”

His eyes pull, the muscles in his neck flexing against his skin. “What happened to you not dragging things out of me?” he teases lightly.

I squish my lips to the side in a halfhearted grin before I grow somber. “I would have never hurt you, though, packman. You know that, right?”

“Not on purpose, you wouldn’t have,” he replies, and my gut clenches. “Not that you had the power to in the way that you mean, but I could never risk it possibly getting there, if it even could. That’s what my just in case was for.”

“Just in case?” I frown.

He nods, a softness to his voice that gives him away. “Yeah, Raven. My just in case.”

I grip the metal chains tighter, cutting my eyes away. “You heard us.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispers.

I shake my head, looking to the sky. “How the hell was I supposed to admit I never wanted to be a mother when I’d just promised to be your wife.” My eyes hit his and his features soften instantly.

He stands, pulling me off the swing with him.

He tilts my head up, looking me straight in the eye. “Zoey?”

I nod, gripping his fingers with mine. “She deserves better than I could ever give her.”

His jaw flexes and he smiles tightly. “You’d be surprised how easy she is to love. You wouldn’t even have to try. I have no doubt you will love her with all you are and for all she is,” he says quietly before adding. “Just like she’ll love you, and just like you’ll love your own baby when he or she gets here.”

“I fucked up, Cap. I told him and when he looked at me like I was a twisted bitch, I just... closed my mouth, let him tear himself apart on the inside.” A harsh huff leaves me. “I let him think it was yours.”

“And he got his ass punched in the jaw for suggesting it.”

I can’t help it, a laugh bubbles out of me and I drop my forehead to Cap’s chest.

Wait.

I pull away. “He knows?”

“He knows. Only one move to make now.”

“Run?” I joke and this time Captain laughs, and damn if it doesn’t feel good to hear it. “How is he not standing here right now?”

“You think he has any fuckin’ clue what to say to you?”

My shoulders fall. “What the hell do we do, Cap?”

“Since when do you stop and think, Raven?”

My eyes move to his, narrowing. “If I fly off the fucking rocker, Cap, I’m busting balls the entire way down.”

“Good thing we wear cups.”

I push closer. “Tell me now if there is even the slightest concern over Zoey.”

“No one will ever touch my daughter and anyone who threatens to...”

I nod, fire creeping into my soul.

Cap’s forehead tightens as he gives me a hard look. “Donley called a meeting today.”

“Why would he do that? They meet in two days.”